Here is my situation. My daughter recently turned 19 and is still living at home with us. We hardly ever see her because she is always out with friends, spending the night with friends, etc. She is not a drug user. She does occasionally drink but nothing hard. She graduated high school in June and just went crazy with going out all of the time. Is this normal? I have to ask because I was not like this at this age.
Our children lived at home while in college and I told them they could come and go as they please, but to have respect for their parents. While they lived with us they should come home at a reasonable hour so we did not worry about them. I asked them to call and let me know if they were going to be real late.
One son (20-21) was out all night.The wee hours of the next morning I went looking for him because I knew he had been depressed over a girlfriend situation. I did not find him first, his sister did and read him the right act and told him he had better get home before mom got there because I was on my way (I was a good detective!). That was the last time he stayed out all night without letting us know where he was. There was a lot of story behind this episode. Some would say he was too old for me to go looking for, but I disagree. When a mother knows their child is possibly in danger it does not matter what age they are, once our child, always our child. Yes, we must cut the apron strings, but, we do not cut our love and concern for their well being.
Does your daughter work? Is she going to college? If not, the first thing you should do is insist she go to college or go to work. She must learn to be self sufficient.
Hey. I'm 20 and i have kids of my own (2 years and 4 months). I went through that stage earlier than 19 (because i had my first DD at 18 and had to grow up) but from age 13-17 i went through that stage. I guess you can call it exploring whats out there. By the time i was 18 I was settled down and felt older than i was (because i had already explored everything) which was a good think. I can understand your wondering because now that i have kids i understand some of that even though i haven't experienced they're teenage years yet. But I would definitely have some boundaries. My parents were divorced i lived with my dad who was strict and visited my mom on the weekends and summer which was a party animal and offering me alcohol and pills and everything under the sun. Now I know that any true mother would have been taking me to the mall or movies or eat dinner together instead of getting me wasted. so the situation is a little different. But my opinion is its just a phase and if its just a steady thing and not getting too wild then i would say just let her do her thing because if you try to tell her that this this or this is a problem shes gonna wanna do it even more and she might not be as open with you and that would be a bad thing to lose if all shes doing is going out and not doing drugs. sorry i couldn't help more.
Last edited by JenniferLPilg66; 08-11-2006 at 10:15 PM.
beachbrat: Yep, right around 20 years ago I was doing the same thing. I lived at home with my Grandparents. Rent free, Grandma did my laundry, and cooked, and did everything except clean my room.
It was a phase that lasted about a year and a half until I decided I wanted to go to grow up and go to school. My Grandparents were soooo pleased. But they were also really tolerant of the phase that I had went through. I'm not sure if it's because I was their favorite grandbaby or because they had 6 kids and they figured it's just part of being young and stupid and growing up. They let me make my own mistakes and learn from this during this phase too. I learned quite a few lessons, believe me.
Now, my Grandparents have both gone to heaven and I have children of my own, but when my son was about 8 weeks old my Grandma was holding him and rocking him and I'll never forget that she told me this, "Love your children for WHO they are, NOT for who YOU WANT them to be". That statement has stuck in my head forever. He's now a 12 year old happy go lucky kid, who has the best sense of humor and is the most caring kid I know. I attribute that to the fact that I've raised him like that and will continue to do so. He's a pretty neat kid because of it. And I'm doing the same with my 3 year old daughter who is the spitting image of my Grandmother.
My daughter graduated in June and she started being a "wild thing" last summer, they call it senoritis, but it's worried me to no end, and got worse around graduation. If I have to hear she's 18 one more time I could scream. My mother keeps reassuring me (more like reminding me of what I was like) that it's normal. She's got into trouble and we've made it clear that we are here for her, but she is an adult and she's got to pay for her own mistakes. This is slowly seeming to work. She does have a job and has a very good work ethic (paying her own car insurance bill and cell phone bill are good incentives). College starts next week and suddenly her room and car are clean and she even bought herself a planner to keep everything straight. I have hopes of seeing her at the dinner table again sometime soon.
I can totally relate. There are times when I see my daughter for about 15 minutes a week if I am lucky. She is pushing me to no end. I set a curfew and she seems to push it every chance she gets. She is not a bad kid. I truly do believe that this is just a stage. I just hope I don't go crazy in the process.