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Old 09-01-2006, 12:19 PM   #1
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alleycat2 HB User
Seperation and baby sitters

Ok I have 2 questions. One is for me and one is to pass on advice to my sister. My sister and her husband have decided to seperate. They have 3 small children, 2 of which will probably not understand what is even going on. My sister asked advice on how to handle explaining this to the older child who is not even 5 yet and about how too deal with any possible problems that may arise. Does anyone have any ideas?

My question is this.. I sat an observed the way people were or are with their kids and I didn't like everything I saw but I just learned from it in anticipation of having a child myself one day. The time has come and I am a soon to be mom and when I think about my child spending time with some of the people I am around it scares me a little. My Sister-in-law and my friend offered to babysit if my husband and I needed time away from the baby. I am freaked because these 2 females have some terrible habits I don't want my baby around, like smoking and crazy driving. My sister-in-laws children are rude, always fighting one another, swearing and talking back. They eat junk food and watch whatever they please. Don't get me wrong, they are great kids, but the lack supervision and the attention they need from their Mother and they get their attention by being negative. If she does that too her kids what will happen too mine. My Mother-in-law is they type who gives in and junk food is her way of bribing the kids to behave. Of course after she gives them the junk food they ignore her anyway. My friend is full of advice and obsseses over my unborn child that she scares me! In all this mess I wonder how do you as parents keep control of your children so they know that even though Grandma or Aunty may let you or her kids get away with this or that, there are rules at home to follow?

 
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Old 09-04-2006, 11:35 AM   #2
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jessejomomma HB User
Re: Seperation and baby sitters

For your sister:
Is the separation permanent? Be honest with the children. Tell them that Mommy and Daddy still love them. Avoid making the other parent sound bad to the children. Both parents obviously love them, right? Getting along with the other parent is very important. I think that the ages of the children are along the same as my sisters and I when our parents divorced. I was two, and I remember nothing. I have no recollection of ever living with my dad.

For you:
You have every right to keep your children safe. If you do not like how the children in your family behave, then you do not have to let your children be like that. Talk with your family, tell them of your concerns. Of course, don't mention that you think their children are undisciplined. That never, ever solves anything. It is okay to let your family visit. You don't have to let them babysit. About your mom. It is okay for Grandparents to spoil their Grandchildren. Let your mother-in-law know that you don't want them bribed with food. And if she does, you don't have to let her babysit a lot anyway. I would of course, discuss this with your husband. Tell him your concerns, but don't make him feel he has to defend his family. Make sure that you let him be part of the process of raising your child, because obviously he wants to if he is still around.
I get lots of offers from people who want to babysit. I have only allowed maybe two or three people to watch her, and none of them have been her father's family. It is because I have a certain way that I want my daughter treated and raised, and most people don't agree with this, or don't care. So I don't let them watch her. Also, if I don't like how they conduct themselves in public, don't like the language they use, or if they argue with me about how I should be raising her in front of her, I tend to not bring her around these people. It is okay to stand up for what you believe is best for your child.

 
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