I had a baby girl one month ago and am still having a terrible time feeling guilty about not spending enough time with my two and 1/2 year old son. He was my only baby before her and I feel sooo guilty for not enough cuddle time, telling him to wait because i'm feeding the baby, etc. How do I deal with this? Also, he keeps telling me when I change his diaper that he wants it back on-even when it is dirty! Is this normal? I would love to get him potty trained but I feel so much outside pressure that I don't know what to do or how to start. My family thinks that because I am young (20) I don't know what I am doing. I guess it might be a little true but it would help more if they would back off a bit. Any advice on any of these subjects would be great. Thanks!
It is hard when you have people who always think they know what is best. Listen to their advice, and if you want to take it, then take it, but if not, then don't. Let your son help you with baby. Of course make sure that you supervise, and let him know that he can't help with baby when you are not around. Let him snuggle with you as well when you are feeding baby. If you give baby bottles, let him help. Set up time for him at least once a day without baby, maybe while baby takes a nap. tell him that you love him, and make sure to give him lots of hugs and kisses. Praise him for when he does good things, especially with the baby. Tell him that his job is being big brother, and that it is a very important job. Also let him know too, that he can still be your little boy, and always will be.
The thing about the diapers sounds common to me. My daughter who is almost three, was throwing a temper tantrum because I wanted to change her pull-up after she soiled it. she refused, and refused, and refused. Maybe she was upset and didn't want to go in the pull-up, and instead wanted to go in the potty. I don't know. But, perhaps you could use this opportunity also, to explain to your son about potty training. Maybe help him understand where to go potty. I would also ask your children's doctor about any of this. They have good ideas sometimes.
I would love to get him potty trained but I feel so much outside pressure that I don't know what to do or how to start.
"Experts" recommend putting your child on the toilet at about the time that you notice they go in their diaper. Also, put him on the toilet when he wakes up, before bed, and also at various times throughout the day. Ask him if he needs to use the potty too, although if he doesn't understand this yet, he won't always tell you. Just begin making him aware of what is required for using the toilet. Being a boy, it is going to be difficult for you to teach him to stand upright. But, if he starts out this way, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH IT! I have heard stupid stuff about a boy that sits down to pee is going to be homosexual. Stupid, stupid! That is one of the dumbest things I have heard of. So don't worry. Eventually, you will probably have to teach him someway, or if you have a male that you are comfortable with him being around, see if they could show him.
Be patient with him, and potty training has many setbacks. My daughter was going to the bathroom consistently, and telling me when she needed to go before she needed to go. Then we moved, and now she is not wanting to tell me, or even go. so...keep a routine going. Keep an open mind about things. You are the mom, and advice is good, but just because you hear it, doesn't mean that you have to take it. It is hard being a young mom, because people automatically assume that you are too naive, young, stupid, to figure anything out. These people also forget what it is like to be a brandnew parent. Good luck to you!
Hey young mom...I know how you feel. My kids are 22 months apart.
First of all, most of us "don't know what we're doing" We are all learning as we go. And that's why we come to boards like this so that we can learn what to do. I guarantee you that in a year you will be an expert on how to handle two young kids at once!!
DS was 22 months when DD entered the world. I too felt soo bad. He was my "baby" and suddenly I couln't give 24 hours of my day to him. I felt like I was always saying "after I feed the baby, after I change the baby" You just have to give him your time when you can. He knows that you love him and he loves every minute that he does get with you!! WHenever anyone came to the house to help, I would hand them the baby so that I could play with my older one. And I made sure that once a week DS and I went out and did something special just the two of us. Infact I still do that and it's been 18 months since my second one was born.
The great news is that your son is not going to remember these next few months when you are a "slave" to the newborn. And he will never remember the time when it was just him and mommy. He will grow up always knowing his sister and in about a year, they will be running around and tickling each other and teasing each other and helping and loving each other.
It is sooo hard in the beginning with two young kids. Plus your lack of sleep and out of whack hormones are just adding to the stress and guilt about your son. I promise that is is going to get better and easier. It's going to take a while, but with each passing month, your baby will be more independant and that will give you more time with your son. Now that my kids are 18 months and 3...life is sooo good. They play together all day. They even tell me to go away because they are playing. I love them being close in age now. They are best buddies.
As for the potty training. Get a small potty and put it in the bathroom. Tell him what it does. Ask him once every day or two if he'd like to sit on it. If he says no, leave the issue alone. Also get 1 or 2 kids books about using the potty, so that he starts thinking about it more often. We also had a Bear in the Big Blue House video about using the potty that DS loved. But know that it usually takes boys longer to learn. DS got the hang of it right after his 3rd b-day. He basically made up his own mind though, nothing that I did really propelled him into using the toilet.
I know I just wrote you a novel, but just know that he loves you and it will get better. Hang in there!!!!!!
"Go slowly, breathe and smile" Thich Nhat Hanh
My kids are 19 months apart and I was 18 with the first and barely 20 with the 2nd. I hate to say that my DD had to grow independant fast but now they are 7 and 8 and it is a lot easier now except for the fighting. For one, Boys are harder to potty train, he is 1 and 1/2!!! Good luck getting him trained at that age! Mine wasn't trained until 3 and 1/2!! When the youngest is napping, do special things with the oldest, it makes them feel like you still have time for them. It was hard on my DD at first, but it got easier as they got older. Just hang in there and it will get easier, I promise, I have been in your shoes. Now I am just putting up with the arguements and fights all the time, but in the end, having your kids so close together, will make them close when they are grown. You would have thought me and my rbother hated each other, but now, we are so close, we would do anything for each other. We are just 11 months apart!! We are the same age 2 weeks out of the year! But we are SOOO close now. I promise, it will all be worth it, just hang in there!!!
and the homosexual thing with potty training, is BULL CRAP. My little boy is short and wasn't tall enough to pee in the toilet, so he had to potty train sitting down or it would hit the lid and spash back in his face!! Sitting is fine, when he gets tall enough, he will learn to pee standing, just have patience. Believe me, your young and you don't have as much now as if you were my age. Mine were complete surprises!! I admit I was way too young!! I would love to have another now, I would have so much more patience now that I am 27. Anyway, my son is 250% BOY!! Chasing his big sister with worms and bugs and stuff like that!!!! She screams her head off!!