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Old 09-02-2006, 02:23 AM   #1
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Urgent!!! I need some advice!!!

I really need some advice on something very , very , serious.
well i have a 4yrold son whom is with me mon-friday and saturday until sunday evening he's with his father. well about a month or a little more ago
he started throwing fits when it is time for his father to pick him up.
well i couldn't figure out why since until recently he always looked foward to his dads days.
well about 2 days ago my son made a comment about his dad playing with his pepe. iwas shocked. so i asked him casually, as to not upset him and make him not wanna talk about it i asked him like when how and all the regular questions and then i hugged him and told him that it wasn't his fault and that i loved him and when he went to play i called my boyfriend and when he came home i asked him what he thought about what was said and he said maybe his dad was washing him in the shower well i still needed to talk with my baby about it some more.
basically im at a loss for words cause i don't know how to confirm this issue and tommorrow is his dads day and being the mother iam im not sending my son with him until i get this settled . im basically at a loss cause i gonna have to confront his father probably tommorrow and i dont knowhow im gonna react i want to look in his eyes when i do and i know babys dont make this stuff up. so doees any one know what i can do as far as getting to the bottom of this?

 
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Old 09-02-2006, 09:30 AM   #2
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Re: Urgent!!! I need some advice!!!

I'd contact your attorney and ask how you can keep your son away from him until you get to the bottom of this. Maybe an order of protection or supervised visits . Take him to your pediatrician for a thorough exam and ask for a referral to a child psycologist. Your right kids don't lie about this stuff, in what context did the touching occur did your son say? My son is the same age and last year asked me why chris touched him and I was never so scared in my life because we don't know anyone named chris, so I grilled him not trying to scare him but I explained that no one is suppose to touch him especially his private parts and mom and dad only when they are bathing him or helping him after going to the bathroom, and his dr when examining him. It turned out the neighbor chris touched him on his shoulder to say hi. either way do all you can do to find out and when you know confront your ex

 
Old 09-02-2006, 10:37 AM   #3
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Re: Urgent!!! I need some advice!!!

thank you very much . i did like you said ive been grilling him but only when its just him and i and not making it seem like its as big as itis for now. he says it happens in the shower so since he isn't circumcised maybe his dad is trying to make sure he cleans the area right i dont know but until i do for sure he's not going anywhere until i do thank you

 
Old 09-03-2006, 06:46 AM   #4
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Re: Urgent!!! I need some advice!!!

Try to be calm and make an appointment with his pediatrician then take it from there.

Last edited by Liamsmom; 09-03-2006 at 06:46 AM.

 
Old 09-03-2006, 09:34 PM   #5
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Re: Urgent!!! I need some advice!!!

hmmm i think that something isnt right. that is just me. children dont get like that unless they feel violated or that they feel guilty and that something is wrong. I would not let him go with him untill all is straightened out.

 
Old 09-05-2006, 10:25 AM   #6
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Re: Urgent!!! I need some advice!!!

I understand the worry and I would take him to be checked out but I would like to say that when my stepson was living with his mother after 2 years of us having him all weekends he suddenly started throwing fits about coming with us and when he say us he would bawl his eyes out. We were utterly confused as to why this would happen, and it made us feel terrible, we could see that he did not want to come with us.
Eventually (and I know that it is not the same) we found out that when we bathed him becuase he has quite bad eczema it made his skin sting and he would get scared that we would bath him when he stayed with us (which we did becuase of the neglect his mother did meant that the children would go all week without at bath and he would often be handed to us with a nappy that would be soaking wet and stuck to his skin and cold where he had sat in it for so long). Also we found out that he got upset becuase we would not let him have cola before bed, so the rules were different and he saw us as less fun as his mum who basically allowed the kids to eat and drink anything as long as it was junk food and she didn't have to cook.

I fully understand that this is not even in the same league but I just wanted to show you how it is possible for something harmless to be blown up into something big and all becuase of differences in rules or ways of doing things. I get so scared our abuse allegations and I firmly beleive that concrete eveidence needs to be gotten as a father and son relationship could be destroyed, plus you could destroy a persons life especially if other people hear about it he could be tarnished forever even if he hasn't done anything.

The other thing I wanted to say is that 4 year olds do lie. My stepson has lied about his mothers new boyfriend hitting him (I don't just mean smacking across the bottom) and when we have questioned we have found out that he lied becuase he just doesn't like him, this bloke (whilst I don't like him I don't beleive he has ever hurt my stepson) was destraught when we questioned him, Dom had told us that he had punched mummy and him, he had put his fist through the TV, he had hit him over the head with his toys (there was never any physical signs that this was happening) and he had made it all up. He also lies for his mum when he has had a visit with her, just little things, like what food she gave him (he will tell us he had loads of vegetables, when we know all he had was noodles), so I don;t know, my experience is not as serious as yours but I have learnt to be very careful about what I beleive.

I guess, go with your instincts, if you need to protect your child then do that, but don;t lable someone an abuser without all the evidence it can be too ruining expecially if you end up being wrong.

 
Old 09-05-2006, 01:37 PM   #7
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Exclamation Re: Urgent!!! I need some advice!!!

We as mothers have the right to protect our children. If I was in your position, I would go with my first instinct because the first instinct is always right. And you are right kids don't just make things up like that. But another way you can talk to your child is holding a doll and ask him to point out where and how he was being touched and explain to him that he won't get in trouble if he shows you. After he shows you, you will know what to do.
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Old 09-06-2006, 07:19 AM   #8
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Re: Urgent!!! I need some advice!!!

Shadow it's been a few days how's it going?????

 
Old 09-06-2006, 08:08 PM   #9
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Re: Urgent!!! I need some advice!!!

child abuse in any form should be taken very seriously seek prfessoinal advice from a lawyer and peadeatrician, little children such as yours do not make these things up, the fact that he is telling u means he knows its wrong and doesnt want it to happen. tell your ex that he will not be seeing him until you seek legal advice and. btw did you no that if you send your child back and he does get abuesed again you can get in trouble for failing to protect your child, so seek help please and do what they tell you is best for your son. my prayers are with you, hope you get it sorted soon

 
Old 09-20-2006, 01:18 PM   #10
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Smile Re: Urgent!!! I need some advice!!!

Sorry it took soo long for me to get back with the conclusion to this story
well im thankful to say that everything seems to be alright i had my son show me with a doll what happened, and well about a month ago my son had gotten poison oak from head to toe, and i mean everywhere!!!
so when he stayed with his father his father just as myself had to apply
calamine lotion to his privates. my son doesnt like to take any medicine etc. thats needed when youre sick since he was little , so he definately didnt like his father applying the lotion to his privates so thank you all for all the advice it was greatly needed and dont get me wrong ill always keep a sharp eye and ear .

 
Old 09-21-2006, 07:31 AM   #11
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Re: Urgent!!! I need some advice!!!

Great news I feel relieved for you and your family

 
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