my 15 yr old son just started highschool and though he is no wild child or anything, is interested in girls and does have a gf although they do not visit often. my dh wondered tonight being the age he is being around any influences he may be should we allow him to carry a condom so that he is better safe than sorry?
I would definately sit down and discuss it with him openly and freely. I was 15 when I lost my virginity 17 years ago but it seems like todays kids are more mature and into things at an earlier age...my neice was 12 the first time she was at an unsupervised house party with drugs and alcohol....obviously without her parents knowledge. If he does chose to take condoms, be sure to explain how they work, how to check them and how to store them, I still see people carrying them in their wallets which is a huge no-no...it damages the condom. And be sure to state that you offering them is by no means a licence to just do it for the hell of it, my sister used the scare tactic with my nephews, she told them if they wanted to have sex that that was fine, but they had better act like an adult if they wanted to do adult things and be sure to use protection because if they ever got anyone pregnant that she would see to it that they not only stayed in school but worked 2 jobs in order to help support their child.
Goodluck...gosh to think I will need to have this talk with my kids one day too.
Mom to Kierra (born August 9/02)
and Kaden (born August 19/05)
I don't mean to sound sexist when I say this, but I think your son may feel more comfortable if his father talks to him about this...the whole man-to-man chat thing. I'm not saying or implying you would not be helpful, but I think he might be less inclined to listen if advice is coming from someone of the opposite gender.
Please bear in mind that, although condoms do offer quite a bit of protection, they can break or fall off when used improperly, which teens are notorious for doing - giving him a condom will not completely ensure he won't end up a father. I hope this doesn't sound offensive, but it sounds like you're trying to be your son's friend rather than his parent - giving him a condom will make him think you are advocating sex and he may take to doing it without protection in the future because he may see your giving him a condom as a green light to just GO.
This is only my two cents...but I would suggest doing the "birds and the bees" talk with him, and also using some scare tactics like the ones Kierasmommy described. If your son believes there will be no consequences for having sex, he'll figure it's harmless fun until he winds up with a pregnant girlfriend. Inform him of the huge responsibility of parenthood, both physical, mental, and financial. Don't sugar-coat this either - tell him the hard truth. If he has fear instilled in him, he might abstain until he's a little older and more educated.
Last edited by Dark Stranger; 09-07-2006 at 06:25 AM.
Thanks dark no i didnt take any offense at all but i must tell u that although my dh usually speaks to him, and would on this matter, my ds has NO probs talking to me about it! he is so not shy when it comes to sex talk and he admits he masturbates often! yeah it grosses me out but whatever! anyways i have never believed that line of if u give it to him he will think its ok! thats not true thats like saying here son at christmas u can have an inch of wine and then him thinking he can go drink a bottle behind our backs, he would know that wasnt permission to be able to always drink when no one is or isnt around! that would be silly to think that way, same thing about sex, cause we give him a condom we dont condone it...well he is bright enough to know better yet have enough hormones to run into a situation and maybe do it and we would rather he be safe than sorry. Like the drinking thing or any other teen angst if he is going to do it he is going to do it.
When I was 15 (I'm male), my dad gave me a box of condoms. I never ended up using them (I was too shy as a teen to get far enough with a girl that I might need a condom), but I appreciated his willingness to be open about the fact that it was something that might happen. Thinking back, maybe the fact that my parents were so open about such things was why I never had sex as a teenager nor had any drinking or drug problems. Thinking back to that time, I recall my parents telling me, "If you're ever somewhere and don't feel you can drive home safely for whatever reason, just call us and we'll come and get you and we won't ask questions or get angry." It was that realistic attitude - acknowledging that I was a teen and had the right to experiment - whether with sex or alcohol or even pot (my parents both admitted to me that they had smoked it when they were younger) - that helped me keep a level head as I went through my adolescent years.
Sex is a part of life. Everyone does it but in this country we try to make it sinful.
My mom had this talk with me every year since I was about 9. She always said if I loved someone to tell her or go see a doctor but never have sex without a condom even if I was on birth control. It's for safety! I thought all older adults knew that. You can get diseases from not using a condom whether you are male or female.
Masturbation is not gross either. Most people do it. Males do it more often, true, but that doesn't make it gross. Sex is not gross. Harming another person is gross.
BTW, I am female and I was a virgin until I married after college. I'm grateful for what my parents taught me about how natural sex is, given the right circumstances. I chose to remain a virgin and I'm glad I did.