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16 and pregnant

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Old 09-07-2006, 08:35 AM   #1
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lbert06 HB User
Angry 16 and pregnant

My daughter is 16 and her boyfriend is 20. She is now pregnant and they want to marry. Can anyone tell me..if they get married, can he still get charged with "statutory rape"? Due to the fact that she beacame pregnant before marriage. I have never agreed with this relationship, and still don't.

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Old 09-07-2006, 09:21 AM   #2
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ksammon HB User
Re: 16 and pregnant

well i'm only 21 i have to say that so you don't think i'm an expert or something but here what i have to say

okie she's 16 and if she wants to marry the guy i thinks she too young not saying she doesn;t love him bc she might and they might make it.
Also about the statutory rape thing your the only one that can file that b/c you know and your kinda okie with it then nothing can happen. but back to the marrying thing maybe they should live togther to see how well they get along. then bc living with someone is so hard they might not get married at all but don't push this guy away bc she might (your daughter) get mad and do something like run off with this guy. but best of luck to you and your daughter.

Old 09-07-2006, 09:38 AM   #3
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Re: 16 and pregnant

Originally Posted by lbert06
My daughter is 16 and her boyfriend is 20. She is now pregnant and they want to marry. Can anyone tell me..if they get married, can he still get charged with "statutory rape"? Due to the fact that she beacame pregnant before marriage. I have never agreed with this relationship, and still don't.
what is your goal? are you trying to punish your daughter? it's obvious that it doesn't matter to her that you don't agree with this relationship.......she continued the relationship AND got pregnant.
if you push the issue to punish her, you will end up the loser......she will punish you right back by not letting you see your that the direction you want this to go? think long and hard about this.

Old 09-07-2006, 10:55 AM   #4
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Re: 16 and pregnant

I know that there is nothing I can do. I myself don't want them to get married because I think she is too young. Not too many people know how old the father is because they are afraid he will get arrested. But they think that if they get married than if someone told...will he still get in trouble? She lives with me right now..he's not working and is a gangbanger. (not the invironment u want a child raised) he doesn't seem to want to grow up. I want whats right for her.

Old 09-07-2006, 11:32 AM   #5
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Re: 16 and pregnant

The laws for statutory rape differ by state, so this all depends on what you state you live in. You should be able to find out from your attorney general's office. Also, in many states, 16 is too young to get married, so check on that as well. And, I also agree with the above posters -- if you forbid the relationship, chances are she'll leave you and then go off with her gangbanger BF. Right now she needs your support in every which way. Try to be nice so she continues to live with you.

Old 09-07-2006, 12:48 PM   #6
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Re: 16 and pregnant

oh remember this if you go and file statutory rap this might push your daughter away . don't do that she will need you and you don't want a baby growing up in the wrong enviroment like you said. Now if she can get your daughter see what a loser he is then she might lose him and move on. and you can MOVE AWAY FROM HIM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now you might wonder why i keep going to she might run off and here is why when i was 19 i did the same thing for love and and i live how do you say it in a wealthy community. so you can hear the rumors and all that but anyways

you need to really kind to your daughter. and love her !!!

Old 09-08-2006, 09:48 AM   #7
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Re: 16 and pregnant

Well, I don't think she can get married without your consent at that age, so that puts that thought to rest. Honestly if it were my daughter I would have the jerk put away for statutory rape. I don't think your daughter will run off, because she is pregnant and without her loser boyfriend around, she's going to need you! Get her some therapy..she's going to need it. Sounds like she also needs a case worker on her side. Someone to help her with education, family support, financial support, and keeping her gangbanger boyfriend in line (if not far away)

You know in your heart that there is about a .001% chance that everything is going to work out wonderfully between these two. She is too young to know what she is getting into and how to take care of herself, let alone a baby. Be the protective mom that she needs. Punish him, support her.
"Go slowly, breathe and smile" Thich Nhat Hanh

Old 09-08-2006, 09:54 AM   #8
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Re: 16 and pregnant

This must be an awful situation for you but I can guarantee you that going down the satutory rape route will do nothing for your relationship with your daughter. I realise you have'nt said that you would but if she even thinks that you may have you will just push her away. My mum tried to get an old boyfried fn mine prosecuted for satutory rape when I was younger. From my point of view I was in love with him and was considerably younger than your daughter while he was 19. She actually took me to the police station and I had to give statements, be exaimed, it was horrendous and I never forgave her for it. It never split my boyfriend and I up in fact it just made us more determined to be together. We did split up several years later at around the same time as my mum finally accepted we were together so maybe subconciously I stayed with him to get back at her.

What I do know is that I left as soon as I could at 16 (I did leave for a while when I was fifteen but my dad found me and took me back home), but the relationship between myself and my mother had completey broken down. I honestly felt that I hated her.

This all happened 17 years ago and my mum and I get on fine now and I see her regularly but we will never be as close as I'd like because deep down I've still not forgiven her.

I think you really just need to be there to support her, I would imagine that there is a very good chance that she will realise eventually that he is not as wonderful as she thinks and will leave him and when she does she will need you more than ever. If you can find it within yourself to swallow your feelings and support her I'd bet she'd be back much sooner than you think.

I hope it works out for you

Old 09-08-2006, 12:23 PM   #9
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Re: 16 and pregnant

I might be able to give you insight on how your daughter feels. I was sixteen when I got pregnant for the first time also and my mom did not agree with my relationship. She, too, thought that my boyfriend was not willing to grow up and would not be a very good father. Well, needless to say, I did not listen to what anyone said about him because I was head over heels in love with him. I did agree not to get married though out of respect for my mother. (and the fact that even if I wanted to get married, she would not sign for it because I was only 16) I lived with my mom for a while after my son was born and raised him there. When he was two months old I moved in with his daddy's family and eventually we got our own home. Now we are married and I am glad I did wait to marry him. It is very hard to be a young mom and I'm sure a young dad too. Everyone involved has to get used to the situation. Everyone's lives will be changed. Now my husband and I have another baby (a five week old little girl) and I love both my children dearly. I also have never been so deeply in love with my husband. He surprised everyone when our son was born by straightening up his act and doing what was best the family that we had created. Maybe your daughter's boyfriend will surprise you too but I do think that they should wait to get married just to be absolutely sure. I'm glad I did.

Last edited by moderator2; 09-08-2006 at 04:18 PM.

Old 09-09-2006, 08:03 PM   #10
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ren4625 HB User
Re: 16 and pregnant

but here's my advice.

First of all, know that you can file a statutory rape claim anonomously. This IS going behind your daughter's back, but if you feel it is the right thing to do, you shouldn't feel any guilt. Maybe tell her when she is older and will be able to put the situation in perspective. If you believe this man took advantage of your daughter and put her into a situtation she outherwise wouldn't want to be in, than HE is the one at fault here, not you or her. Whatever you do, know that you are acting in the best interest of your daughter and future grandchild. Someday she will be able to see this. If you decide to file the rape claims, your daughter may never know it was you. It could have been anyone who suspected this was going on. And as a parent, you ARE the one who should be the most concerned.

Also know that since you are her legal guardian, you basically have complete control over her legal transactions. Since she is a minor, there are papers you will have to sign to allow her to be married. If you do not sign these papers she can't get married in the first place.

Second of all, she may think that she doesn't need your help now, but wait until she has the child. You said her boyfriend has no job, but she will desperately need money to take care of herself and the baby. I'm assuming she will depend on you for this. I know some above posters have said that she may get angry and won't allow you to see the child. I don't see how this is possible if she is relying on you for financial and other support. I'm also assuming she doesn't have a job, or at least she won't have one once she has to take care of the baby.

And it is a good idea to wait until she actually has the baby to go through with any of this. It will probably put the whole situtation in perspective, for her, you, and the father. Ask her to at least put off the marriage until after the child is born. Tell her that you'll consider it, but you want her to have the child first. Maybe once she has the baby, her maternal insticts will tell her that this guy is not the right person to be a father to her child. It may completely change the way she's looking at this situation.

Well I hope that helps, and good luck to both you and her!!

Last edited by HBMod07; 09-10-2006 at 02:59 PM.

Old 09-10-2006, 08:38 AM   #11
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Re: 16 and pregnant

Laws pertaining to statuatory rape differ from state to state, so ther emay be nothing you could do legally to remove the loser boyfriend from the picture - in some places, as long as both partners are at least of the age of consent, nothing illegal is happening. If you really hate him, you can try, but I don't think it will make things better between you and your daughter. If anything, it will probably drive her away from you and make her pursue her boyfriend even more. Also, there is no telling what kind of psychopaths the boyfriend has connections with, and having him jailed for statuatory rape might prompt him to send his buddies to vandalize your property, threaten your family, etc. Teenagers have no shame in doing this kind of stuff, so I'd be wary of this.

It's also true that your daughter would need your consent to marry at her age, so as long as you don't consent, the marriage will not be a problem. Of course, if you don't consent they might try to elope, but that's another story. I guarantee that any hostilities or hatred your daughter has toward you currently (if any) will disappear immediately after the child is born - she's going to need a source of money and a baby-sitter since the father is too lazy to work to support his own child.

I'm probably preaching to the choir, and I can't really add much more to this because everyone else who replied pretty much covered it. Good luck in your situation - I hope things will get better in time.

Old 09-10-2006, 11:50 AM   #12
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Re: 16 and pregnant

To not file charges is equivalent to being a willing participant in the whole situation. You are a partner in crime. Why would you NOT want to do the right thing? There are times in life when the right thing to do is not necessarily the easiest thing, but it still is RIGHT.

I hope you go with the best thing for the child which would be to NOT have this person in his/her life. Yes, you may temporarily lose contact and the trust of your daughter, but that would be the price to pay for doing what is best for the baby.

Old 09-11-2006, 11:26 AM   #13
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Re: 16 and pregnant

This is only my opinion but why would you want to ruin a young mans life because you are mad your daughter got pregnant at an early age? Do you realize he would have to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life and would be viewed as some rapist sick o when really he just fell for a girl a few years younger than him? I would think twice about that. I have a friend that that happened to and it just sucks because he is the furthest thing from a sex offender that i know.

Old 09-13-2006, 05:20 AM   #14
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Re: 16 and pregnant

If she wants to marry him then my guess is she doesn't see herself as the "victim" that you think she is. Without a victim, charges end up getting thrown out.

Old 09-13-2006, 11:31 AM   #15
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alamaz HB User
Re: 16 and pregnant

I can imagine how hard your situation is. i was 18 when i got pregnant and my boyfriend 24. my parents didn't support me when i told them i was pregnant and it was a disaster. i still haven't fully recovered from the abandonment i felt that year of my life (10 years later). i would suggest that if you are able to stand with your daughter than do it. she may act like she knows it all right now but she doesn't and she is scared. put your foot down about things like marriage and give her options. she and the baby can live with you and you'll help with X and dad can visit three days a week. something that tells her your willing to work with her. there are also teen programs in every city that help girls who get pregnant. maybe there is one that will help her get set up on her own before submitting to marriage as the solution. as you well know, marriage is not the solution to her problem right now. the solution is to get her and the baby and yourself the help medically and emotionally that you all need. also, getting to know others who are in the same situation will give you an outlet and better suggestions on what to do than random people on a board will.

take care and good luck!

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