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Old 09-15-2006, 08:14 PM   #1
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My son is so disrespectful towards mom and dad Help...

I desperately need some help, my youngest son is becoming out of control..Here's the thing my son just turned eight years old he is soooo disrespectful towards me and his father...He tells me to shut up and now is calling me names like stupid, retard, etc..Now he is even doing this in public to me or my husband, how embrassing is that i can't control my own kid..I've tried time out and taking things away it just gets worse he tries to slap me and throws a tantrum....I know this is probbly my fault i am a softy...My husband ignores this whole issue but i can't take it any more..We went to my oldest son's football game and in front of all those parents he called me a retard and told me to shut up..
I don't understand that when he goes to school or to a friends house he is the sweet kid and so well manner, always getting compliments on his manners..At home he turns into this little devil child..How can i correct this behavor???Please need some advice...

 
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Old 09-16-2006, 12:39 PM   #2
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Re: My son is so disrespectful towards mom and dad Help...

I am a young mom, but I believe in old school parenting. That saying, "Spare the rod = Spoil the child" rings true in our home. Don't get me wrong, I am a softy too and I certainly don't beat on my children, but there are times when it is very beneficial to pop your child either on the bottom or in the mouth. (depending on the situation) When our sons mouth off really bad, we pop them in the mouth. (not hard enough to bring blood or leave a mark, but just enough to get the point across. If you are like me, it's even harder to disipline in public, but when acting like that, they should be told or shown immediately that it is not acceptable. Hang in there hun, I know it's tough. Kids constantly test their boundaries, just make sure the boundaries a present and well defined. Since your son seems to be a well behaved child with great manners, perhaps you can sit him down and have a heart to heart talk with him. Tell him how it hurts and embarrasses you when he acts out. Ask him why he does it. Explain to him that there will be consequences for that type of behavior. Hopefully this will work for you. Some 8 year olds are mature enough to have a conversation like this. Our 10 year old is, he is the type you can talk to like an adult (within reason of course) and I find this to be very effective. Our middle son is 5 and this doesn't exactly work with him. lol He responds better to a tap on the butt. Our youngest, well he's only 10 months, so he's still an angel. Good luck to you and your family. I hope this helped some. Take care.

Last edited by Ausomemom2; 09-16-2006 at 12:39 PM.

 
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Old 09-16-2006, 05:33 PM   #3
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Re: My son is so disrespectful towards mom and dad Help...

I wonder if she can get into trouble by hitting kid in public. I often feel beeting hell out of my daughter but my husband said that daycare can report me even if she sees something which looks like marks.

 
Old 09-17-2006, 01:02 AM   #4
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Re: My son is so disrespectful towards mom and dad Help...

exactly, spare the rod, spoil the child... mine arent above an old fashoined spanking. It never hurt me and I turned out pretty good. It's good to know that I am not the only parent that spanks. Time outs don't do mine any good, they laugh at it. That's what's wrong with kids today, parents are scared of them and they have no disipline anymore. Mine wont dare smart off to me, but I have never left a mark, they are NOT ABUSED, JUST PLAIN OLD DISIPLINED!!!

 
Old 09-17-2006, 03:20 PM   #5
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Re: My son is so disrespectful towards mom and dad Help...

Totally disrespect. If you have this problem now, wait till he's a teenager...the problems get bigger!!! I used to wash mine out with soap...they hated it....and also spankings are needed. I can not imagine having my son say shut up to me!! he's 16 and he would never say that...because he knows what would happen. I would back hand him and he would be grounded for life. Not to mention what my husband would do to him when he got home!! They near to fear us just enough to be afraid of what we might do. My boys love us dearly and the respect they show proves that. If they don't respect elders, they will have problems in every aspect of their lives.........bosses, teachers, police...........Correct it now, or you'll wish you did....teenage years are approaching!
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Old 09-17-2006, 04:51 PM   #6
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Re: My son is so disrespectful towards mom and dad Help...

My son is 19, and he KNOWS better than to call me names. One time, when he was 4, we were at my mother's house and he said GD (which he had heard from his dad). My mom put soap in his mouth, and he has never cussed since!

 
Old 09-17-2006, 06:57 PM   #7
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Re: My son is so disrespectful towards mom and dad Help...

Thanks for all your advice...Sometimes i get so frustrated with him that i feel as if i can spank him or smack his mouth...Just my opinion i can't go to the hitting, it's just not me..It's not that i'm terrified of leaving marks on my child but from being phycially abuse as a child myself i just can't bring myself to do it...When i say physically abuse i don't mean just spankings my mother had children welfare step in because of the welts,bruises, dislocated jaw and a black eye..I don't disagree with you that he probbly really needs a shock perhaps with a slap but i can't do it..
I have tried time out which worked out at first and now doesn't..Yelling well sometimes i feel as if i do that all the time and i feel as if i shouldn't have to..I've put him in his room until he could behave himself, don't work..I feel as if i'm going to pull my hair out sometimes..I took parenting classes years ago for a job they say talk to you child, how is that possible when he is throwing a tantrum and is not listening to you...

 
Old 09-18-2006, 04:49 AM   #8
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Re: My son is so disrespectful towards mom and dad Help...

Daystar,

I do agree with the rest a swat on the back side won't hurt.But under the circumstances I understand.Your son is lashing out at you and your hubby.He definatly knows right from wrong when other parents are commenting on how well mannered he is.
I have 4 children and I didn't like to spank either.I had found that extra chores worked well.It give my children time to think about there behavior and something got accomplished.Also sentence writing was always a dreaded punishment.Have him look up the definition of retard and stupid.Have him write the definition 10 times and then increase them each time he says it.
My youngest is 11 and she has a mouth on her.I guess she earned it honestly with 3 older siblings,she always has to have the last word.Something has come to mind,is there older siblings calling him stupid or retard.I will notice my teenagers will walk by my 11 year old and say comments.Then I'll have get on them.This could be why he is using these words with you.Just a thought.
This will pass,he's testing the waters.We call this youngest child syndrome at our house.
Just remember he does have manners outside the home,so he is listening and learning what you and your husband are teaching him.

 
Old 09-18-2006, 08:19 AM   #9
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Re: My son is so disrespectful towards mom and dad Help...

You say you're a "softy" and your husband "ignores" the problem. Well, you're son sure knows all that as well. I agree with the others that say calmly and firmly tell him what is acceptable and what is not and why. Tell him you will have this discussion only once and you'll write it down and put it in his room or on the fridge whatever.

Then when the bad behavior starts, and it will probably several times, be consistent. Say "We spoke about this it is unacceptable", then follow through with a punishment. When our family is out in public and one of the kids is disrespectful, we have them hold each others' hands (if they are bickering, etc. with each other) or they hold my or my husband's hand. Let me tell you, our 12 year old son has only had to have this occur twice and he realized it's better to follow the rules and be a nice person.

With younger kids, you'll get a tantrum and they'll be yanking on your hand/arm and acting like they're being brutalized. You may even get a remark from other people. When this happened with us, I say, "We are going to stop right here until you are under control". Then, I do not say one more word. We once had to stand in the middle of the mall for nearly 30 minutes. We usually then say "Ok, that wasn't fun to have to do hold hands. I would rather you use respectful words when you are upset or angry. Please say 3 nice things to each other and we'll move on with our day."

I will say I also notice boys go through this phase from about 8 to 10 where they are very mouthy.

 
Old 09-18-2006, 11:55 AM   #10
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Re: My son is so disrespectful towards mom and dad Help...

Thanks again...I do have an older son he is fourteen years old and yes i have catched him many times calling his younger brother retard, stupid...Many times he teases my younger one..This is just become so frustrating in my house where as i don't want to take him out any where..I'm going to try your advice and see how they work..I'll be sure to let you all know..

 
Old 09-18-2006, 12:34 PM   #11
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Re: My son is so disrespectful towards mom and dad Help...

Daystar,

I agree... your child has tuned into the way you & his father react to his actions. Things need to change - NOW - before he gets worse.

Good luck!

~DL

 
Old 09-18-2006, 12:51 PM   #12
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Re: My son is so disrespectful towards mom and dad Help...

Quote:
Originally Posted by daystar91
At home he turns into this little devil child..How can i correct this behavor???Please need some advice...
stop letting him get away with it! You already said you're a softie.....you KNOW that he needs some discipline....give him a swat on his butt.....he needs it!

 
Old 09-20-2006, 05:06 PM   #13
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Re: My son is so disrespectful towards mom and dad Help...

You and your husband need to be on the same page here! Perhaps he doesn't realize it, but if he doesn't show your son(s) that what they're doing is disrespectful and unacceptable, he is showing them that it's okay to treat you that way. There are two parents in your house. Dad needs to step up to the plate here!

 
Old 09-21-2006, 09:58 AM   #14
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Re: My son is so disrespectful towards mom and dad Help...

a spanking, or a firm grip is not "physical abuse"... i agree with a previous poster..your son knows what he can get away with..he does it, because he knows there won't be any consequences. He's holding all the cards.

You need to decide who's going to be the boss in your home..and if it's YOU, you have to decide what you'll do to bring this to an end, before he's too much older.

My kids would also never talk to me that way... nothing like that was tolerated from the moment they learned to talk. They've had spankings when they were defiant, or disrespecful-they learned. At 8, it's getting kind of hard to put him over your lap and 'spank' him... but, a firm grip...a pinch... those can even be done in public without causing a stir. He calls you a name in public...drag him out of there by his ear... literally...

...I'm really disgusted sometimes with how society has become regarding discipline... if you DON'T discipline, everyone wants to be in your business about what a rotten parent you are.... if you get caught disciplining your child in public... everyone wants to be in your business about what a rotten parent you are... its a lose lose situation... so, with that in mind...what's most important is teaching your son to be respectufl...

 
Old 09-24-2006, 03:07 PM   #15
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Re: My son is so disrespectful towards mom and dad Help...

Congratulations on wanting to sort out this problem with non violent means.
Discipline= teaching. I don't think there is ever a good reason for using violence on a child. All it does is makes them angry, aggressive and violent towards other weaker children since that is what you are showing them is acceptable.
Sounds like you also need to work with the 14 year old so that he knows that picking on his younger brother and disrespecting him is having a negative impact on him and is affecting all the family.
If you think you are too soft perhaps you need to draw up some firm written rules so that everyone knows where they stand. Turn them into positives so that instead of saying don't do this or don't do that you state what you do want them to do. Then reward the good behaviour. Teach them that they will have a better family life when everybody co-operates and is nice to one another. Your boys are old enough for you to use use psychological methods so that they feel guilty if they knowingly hurt someone else's feelings by name calling, hitting etc. Your youngest boy probably feels frustrated and unhappy that he's being teased by his brother and is taking it out on you because he cannot sort it out for himself and he wants your support. Teach him how to express his feelings and emotions verbally and listen to what he says. You may learn that he is unhappy about other situations that he cannot control.
Sanctions can be used by taking away a privilege and having to earn it back. I you older by has a celphone take that way or stop his football etc
My children who are adults now tell me that the worst thing I could do to them was to tell them i was disappointed in them if they had misbehaved. I didn't have to say it very often because we had family meetings where we discussed any problems. No, we were not perfect by any means and made mistakes, but we did what we believed in and would never agree to hit or use any kind of physical force. We loved our children and were there to protect them from harm. The gentler approach worked well for us and also produced two adults who are gentle and positive with their own children.

 
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