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besafe20 · 10-13-2006, 09:26 PM

My son is 2 1/2. He used to be the perfect baby and toddler until he turned 2. His tantrums have never been too bad. My problem is that he is forever whining and crying over anything and everything. If he falls or trips (and doesn't even hurt himself) he will cry his lungs out for 5 minutes every time. He loves routine and order and if you deviate from anything and it isn't the way he wants it he will start crying. Like in the morning when he wakes up we have to do things in an exact order or he is a mess. He is very clingy and when we go somewhere he often makes us hold him the whole time if we are in a crowded room. I take him to a little music class/story time held in the clubhouse in our neighborhood and he is the only one his age who has to be holding onto me the entire time. If you walk a few feet away he throws himself on the floor and cries. He cries most of the time if we even scold him for something. The other kids his age are not even like this at all. I guess the only good thing is he goes to nursery every sunday at church and 3 women have told me he is the best child they have in there and never cries. My husband and I look at eachother and think "what? Our child?" So apparently he is worse for us. Oh he even lies and says "ouchie boo boo" just to get attention and so he has an excuse to cry! He will complain of random ouchie boo boos and whine until you distract him and then everything is fine of course, I don't know why he is like this. It isn't as if he doesn't get attention. He is an only child who I stay at home with. Oh I should also mantion that these problems are ten time worse when my husband is home and dealing with him. My husband is gone most of the day and when he gets home my son starts acting up with the whining and crying. He is definately 10 times worse for him! My question is if I should start putting him in time out when he won't stop whining and crying over stuff. We both beg him to stop crying and he doesn't listen. Any ideas?

rouge · 10-14-2006, 06:53 AM

I don't think I would 'punish' (for lack of a better word) him for this. My son was the same way at 2.5. I think it is a phase that will pass. I also tried to do things 'right' for him. If he needed things done in a certain order I would try and do it. Sometimes I would mess up and he would be screaming on the floor

I also started using possitive language instead of negative around this age. For example: "We sit on chairs" instead of "No standing on the chair". I also tried to validate his anger but I let him scream. I stayed calm and when he was done screaming we would go about what we were doing.

With the next baby I want earplugs so that it is easier to stay calm.

I guess I wanted to show him that it is ok to be mad but we don't have to get all worked up about it. I wanted to model calm so that he could learn from it.

lovemybabyboys · 10-14-2006, 02:27 PM

He is an only child who I stay at home with.

Bingo.
my first son, now 4, was and sometimes still is that exact way. i think it is first child or only child syndrome. he now plays soccer, and at his first game, he sat down on the field and started crying because he didn't get to kick it in the goal.
your son is an only child and is used to getting anything and everything he wants. i guess the thing that has helped Landen the most is having a little brother now 15 months and realizing that not everything is based around him.
he was used to winning every race and every game, every time we played. now sometimes we win, sometimes we have to wait until something is done before we get to do exactly what he wants to do.
i know i am talking about a 4 year old, but it has been a work in progress. and it all started around two. other kids in my family have called him a whinny baby and i don't want him to be labeled as such. i think the big thing is to try to teach them change and patience. which i know, it is easier said than done. but just have patience. it may take time, but he will come out of it.
also another thing that has helped us is, Landen started to preschool 2 days a week when he was 3. any time he would whine, they would say, "Landen, use your words" "your big boys words". and it seemed to work. he was great at school and never seemed to whine, but as soon as we would get in the car, he would start up. so finally i started with "when you can talk like a big boy or ask like a big boy then i will" and it has worked. i still have to remind him sometimes, and it is slowly but surely getting better.
i am proud to say we had a soccer game this morning and he did not cry at all.

good luck and just have patience.

angelique5 · 10-15-2006, 03:22 PM

if there's a behavior you don't like...ignore it....don't punish, because that's just negatively feeding the behavior. Walk away from him if it's a full blown tantrum. If it's in public, just firmly pick him up and remove him from the situation...but please don't think of him as being "bad" or needing punishment... he sounds like an angel!

He's only 2... he's so little... don't force him to be a lil man just yet!! (but I remember with my first son... I always rushed the next step or phase...)

2 is a hard age...and not just for YOU... he's struggling with wanting to be independent...but being a 'baby'. Be patient with him...not upset with him.

Hug him...love him...savor him...he's going to grow up so much faster than you could ever know...

(don't know if its the same church... we call ours 'nursery' too... sigh...my youngest hated it...sounds like you're is doing wonderfully!!)

besafe20 · 10-15-2006, 05:06 PM

lol i need to just let him be 2 I guess. Today I picked him up from the church nursery and they were telling me if they could clone a kid it would be him. They said he is perfect and the best kid by far. My friend is a nursery leader and she knows us and my son well and she was telling me he is soooo much better when we are not around. She has seen how he acts with us and she was saying he is just perfect in nursery. It is crazy if you could have seen his tantrum this morning before church. He woke up and was sitting on his little toddler couch watching tv. My husband got him a bowl of cereal and placed it on the coffee table and told him to come eat it. He wanted to eat his bowl of cereal on his lap sitting on his little couch. Of course my husband refused knowing what kind of mess he could make so he told my son no. Well my son started rolling around on the couch screaming that he wanted his cereal and refused to eat it anywhere else but right there on his lap. My husband ended up eating his cereal and came to me telling me what happened. We did finally get him to come eat his cereal at the table when he got too hungry to fight us anymore! Thought you guys could appreciate that story of my supposed angel!

angelique5 · 10-15-2006, 08:41 PM

yah...sounds like a 2 yr old~~ he's just warming you up for his teen years!

love him while he lets ya!! ::wink::

and... are you LDS?

Liamsmom · 10-16-2006, 05:45 AM

I agree with the ignoring it alot easier said than done. However the change in routine thing bugs me a little. My son who is 4.5 now was delayed and it was believed that he had some form of autism. Change in routine is one of the signs to look for if they have real trouble with change in routine. Please keep you eyes and ears open to the signs of autism and get it checked out because the sooner your child gets help the better the outcome. thankfully for me he isn't autistic but the growing rate of it in america is astounding and you'd be surprised how many people miss the signs and the opportunity to make a huge difference in their child's progress. I don't mea to frighten you in any way just give you a heads up.

besafe20 · 10-16-2006, 10:36 AM

Oh I don't think he has any autism. He has a great attention span for his age and picks up on things really well. he had the alphabet down right before he turned two. He seems to be really in tune with everything and interacts with us well. Thanks though it is something all parents should look out for and since I am kind of paranoid I have been watching him for stuff like that anyways.

Angelique- yes I am LDS. You are too? You mentioned your child hates nursery. It is funny because almost all little kids hate it when they are actually old enough to go (18 months) and then they love it. My friend's little girl hates it because all the other little kids are always crying in there and so she associates it as being a sad place. I think it is scary for little kids to be seperated from their parents and left with a bunch of other little kids.

angelique5 · 10-16-2006, 01:22 PM

yes, I'm LDS!

I have 6 children...the oldest 5, no real problem with nursery...but wow..my 6th one... yikes!! He's 4 now...and not fond of primary either...but we skipped a lot of nursery. I would send him in, and an HOUR later they could come get me, he hadn't stopped crying at all! Sigh... he was PERFECT though if he sat in sunday school or RS with me..so as long as he was silent, he'd come with me. I didn't want his crying to scare the other kids, like you mentioned!

I did have one sister who thought I was awful for not leaving him there to get used to it....eh...can't please all of the people all of the time!!

Ya know, when my oldest was about that age...every single time he started to melt down, we put him in his bed. No words... no fighting with him...just put him in his bed. It was hilarious because, eventually, every time he started to cry over something...HE PUT HIMSELF IN HIS BED!!

It'll all pass...

Sannah · 11-03-2006, 06:10 AM

I would not keep a certain routine to make him happy. That is reinforcing that he has to have it this way, that's crazy. Let him have his tantrums. Stay relaxed and wait it out. You decide the rules not him. Don't give him so much control. You will spend the rest of your life trying to make a spoiled child happy and this will not benefit his development at all. You said that he gets worse after your husband gets home. I was wondering if he just wants all of your attention and doesn't want you to give any to your husband. I found my two children doing this after my husband came home. I was wondering if the clinginess was because he doesn't feel secure. Children do not feel secure when there parents are not in charge. When the parents give too much power/control to the child this is scary to a child because they are just a child. When a parent in in control this is very comforting. They are being taken care of this way.

Dark Stranger · 11-03-2006, 10:40 PM

I have to agree with ignoring him when he does this. If you respond to his screaming, with concern or punishment, you are giving in to what he wants. One skill kids seem to be born with is manipulation. A toddler can have you - a full grown person - wrapped around their little finger because they know what buttons to push.

I suggest letting Junior cry himself dry a few times. When he gets a sore throat from all his wailing, that may be punishment enough.

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