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Old 10-17-2006, 04:09 AM   #1
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ozzybug HB Userozzybug HB Userozzybug HB Userozzybug HB User
Teenage daughter & Baby Think it Over..

Hi All-
I can't really believe I'm posting this, but I have to get this off my chest and this is the place to do it. I don't even know where to start.....

My 17 year old daughter has been a wonderful girl all of her life. She has rarely ever given us any kind of problem and basically follows "the rules". She does well in school, is in Honors classes and has been talking about going to college since the first day of Kindergarten. She is now a senior in high school and during the past several weeks, has really started "feeling her oats" and has been doing many things that are so uncharacteristic of her norm.

She and I had a huge pow-wow and come to find out, she has become sexually active with this boy she's been seeing. My husband and I never really cared for him because he would NEVER talk to us. He would come to our house and spend hours with our daughter, yet would totally ignore us. I know some people are shy, but really, I tried to give him every chance to come out of his shell at least a little bit.

Now on to the sex. My two kids have always known they can come to me and talk with me about anything without being judged. I have always had an "open ear" policy and have always been there to listen to them. They have always been able to talk to me, and my daughter has always promised that when she was at the point where she felt she would be thinking seriously about having sex, she would come to me. Well, she didn't and I am beyond upset. Yes, they used a condom, and no she isn't pregnant, but that doesn't mean that if she keeps on, she won't become pregnant.

Well, I have purchased a "Baby Think it Over". It arrived a couple days ago and I have to set it up. I have explained to my daughter the responsibilities that go along with being sexually active and she is well aware of the diseases that are out there and that condoms don't always protect against such things.

I am going to have her take care of this baby and see what it would be like if she were to get pregnant and have a baby. I just really want her to learn a life lesson so she doesn't end up a single mom who misses out on college because she has a baby to take care of. She has to care for this baby, except when she's in school, and she will have to keep a journal with daily entries as well.

She is also volunteering two afternoons a week in the infant & toddler rooms at the daycare as well. This gives her a real life experience with children.

My question is this- is this too harsh? I don't think it is, but I have to ask other parents. By the way, she has broken up with this guy and is now focusing on her school work.

She has such a bright future ahead of her, I just really want her to have the future she deserves.

Thanks in advance for any advice

PS- She is going to be seeing the GYN doctor as well and will be speaking with them about this..

Last edited by ozzybug; 10-17-2006 at 04:12 AM.

 
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Old 10-17-2006, 06:56 AM   #2
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Re: Teenage daughter & Baby Think it Over..

I'm usually all about the more strict parenting but I think the Baby Think About It is a bit much in this case. Your daughter sounds like she is mature and even mature in her approach to sex, though I know you'd rather she didn't, what parent would think differently.

I think if you forced her to do it now you'd alienate her. She's been honest with you and she's made some smart choices about how she's having sex, so give her the benefit of the doubt and be done with the issue for now. Keep the communication lines open!

Would you have felt differently and maybe not gone out and bought the Baby thing if you had really really liked the boy? Maybe that's why she wasn't as forthcoming because she knew you didn't overly care for him.

 
Old 10-17-2006, 07:31 AM   #3
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Re: Teenage daughter & Baby Think it Over..

i agree with allthelarsons.

 
Old 10-19-2006, 01:10 AM   #4
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Re: Teenage daughter & Baby Think it Over..

Well the baby think it over program is to promote good realistic parenting and all the practicalities. Did you also buy the manual that goes with it. Does your daughter want to comply with this?
You could always save it for when she does want to have a baby and go through it together instead of enforcing it now, after a clash. Doing it now will seem more like a punishment and she hasn't even suggested that she wants to get pregnant.
You and your daughter seem to have a wonderful relationship and maybe she needs to be encouraged to use birth control as well as condoms if she wants to be sexually active.
Perhaps , when you feel calmer you will be able to review your decision and decide whether it really is the best course of action, to continue the good relationship with your daughter, or whether it will jepordise it.

Maya

 
Old 10-24-2006, 04:24 AM   #5
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Re: Teenage daughter & Baby Think it Over..

I applaud you for taking that approach. Too many parents don't care until it's too late. Sometimes the only way you can get a teen to see the big picture is a good "scare tactic". I know several teens who when they see my 4 month old tell me "oh, I can't wait to have a baby. It must be soooo much fun dressing them and playing with them, blah blah....". They don't realize all of the work that goes into it.
The only other thing that I would suggest (and I know I will probably be told I'm wrong) is that since she is sexually active bring her to a gynecologist for an exam and have them talk to her about birth control. You don't want her relying on her boyfriend to wear the condom and have him talk her out of it only to become pregnant. At least this way she has a little bit more control of her body.

 
Old 10-24-2006, 09:55 AM   #6
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Re: Teenage daughter & Baby Think it Over..

Birth control pills would be a good bet if she finds another boyfriend and decideds to be sexually active instead of condoms.Shes almost a adult and she will be in a sexual boy friend situation again.

 
Old 10-25-2006, 05:20 AM   #7
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Re: Teenage daughter & Baby Think it Over..

Ozzie, I completely agree that even though it's not a real baby, that doll would be a good experience for your daughter.
I was in exactly the same situation as you are in now. My daughter was a senior in high school with a very bright future. She was so excited about the plans that she had made for school, for her career choice, making great grades. I had had the sex talks with her, took her to a gyn to talk about options for when she decided to be sexually active and I worked hard at keeping the lines of communication open with her so that we could and did talk about just about anything.
Well, she is now 20 and I have a beautiful 2 year old grandaughter! So much for all my efforts!
Mid way through her senior year she found a part time job working with people very different from her usual friends, wound up dropping out of school 2 months before graduation and got pregnant by a boyfriend 8 years older than herself. Not surprisingly, he dumped her as soon as she got pregnant.
She wound up staying home and I was her labor coach at delivery. It was an extremely joyful and hard experience. She and baby lived with us up until 2 months ago when she and the ex boyfriend, who she contacted after baby's birth, moved in together, determined to make their family work.
It has been hard. As I said before, I'm not sure a "doll" can begin to substitute for the real thing but you have to do everything you can possibly think of to show her what life could be like based on the choices she makes.
I wouldn't trade my grandbaby in for anything in the world, that little girl has my heart, but her mommy has had to struggle so much, knowing that so many options are now closed to her, at least for the time being.

 
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