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Old 10-26-2006, 08:26 AM   #1
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unacceptable behaviour in the store

Whenever I brought my 3 y. old dd in the store to do shopping, she is grabbing something, mainly candy and demand to buy it otherwise she is screaming on whole store. Even when I take her to get icecream, she is screaming and acting unacceptable even when I am doing what she wants.
Any advices welcome.

 
Old 10-26-2006, 11:51 AM   #2
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Re: unacceptable behaviour in the store

First I try talking to DS -- telling him that we WILL leave if he doesn't behave. Usually that works because he knows I mean business. As inconvenient as it seems, I've walked out, wrestled him into his car seat and driven home with him screaming the whole time.

OT, last week we were at a mall bathroom out of town, getting ready for a 3 hour drive home. So I told him he needed to go potty. Told me he didn't have to. Finally got him to go, then he starts messing with the sani-disposal box while I'm trying to get his pants up. Bleah! Whole while he's yelling help me and owie. Wasn't doing a DARN thing to him, though felt like it 'cuz I walked out of the stall to GLARES from 3 women who thought I was abusing him. Little stinkers catch on early and try to get away with murder!

Toddlers!

 
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Old 10-26-2006, 03:42 PM   #3
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Re: unacceptable behaviour in the store

I have been known to leave a full cart of groceries in the store when my DD wouldn't behave. I would tell her what was expected before we went in and then she got one warning in the store if she started acting up. After 3 or 4 times of taking her out of the store she got the message.

Sure, you get looks and it's a little embarrassing. But I would rather raise respectful children who listen to me than the little spoiled brats you see so much lately.

 
Old 10-30-2006, 11:32 PM   #4
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Re: unacceptable behaviour in the store

Quote:
Originally Posted by galinaqt
she is screaming and acting unacceptable even when I am doing what she wants. Any advices welcome.
Sounds like you give in to her and she knows that if she screams you WILL give her what she wants.... what's more, she's a poor sport when she gets what she wants... if you want it to change, you'll have to be consitent each time and NOT give in. Make a decision before you go that you will not accept x, y or z from her, look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself out loud if you have to. When you get to the shop, remember what you will and won't accept. It will get worse before it gets better but she needs to learn not to mess with mommy!

Be strong, it's a battle of wills and it sounds like she has the upper hand at the moment.

Good luck

 
Old 11-03-2006, 05:32 AM   #5
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Re: unacceptable behaviour in the store

Sounds like she doesn't have a lot of self control. I have seen this happen with children when the parent doesn't consistently control the child's inappropriate behavior. Children are not born with self control. They learn self control when the parents controls their inappropriate behavior. This is done by always stopping it. If the child knows that once last week you let her get away with something she will always try to not listen to you. It's amazing how much energy a child will put into even a 1% chance that they can get away with something! Once you start enforcing your rules 100 % of the time she will get the message and give you a break by listening right away because children know it's not worth trying if there is zero % chance. Remember also, that children behave better if they have positive interactions with you. When a child and parent get into these negative interactions all of the time it's hard to have positive interactions. If you can turn things around and have positive interactions more you will be amazed at how her behavior improves.

 
Old 11-03-2006, 04:10 PM   #6
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Re: unacceptable behaviour in the store

Can you give me an example of positive interaction, please?

 
Old 11-03-2006, 10:21 PM   #7
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Re: unacceptable behaviour in the store

Do you find anything wrong with spanking? If not, why not wail her backside a few times? Kids may have underdeveloped minds, but they have enough brain matter to associate "me screaming = pain", hence how they learn from a firm spanking to behave.

If not, you can simply ignore her, although I think other shoppers may give you the death glare if you let her wail like a siren without doing anything. What about taking her outside, diverting her attention elsewhere, threatening her (i.e. "If you don't stop screaming, I'm going to throw away favorite toy/video/etc.")? I know once my aunt's daughter (was your child's age at the time) threw a fit in the store because she couldn't get a toy she wanted, so my aunt walked away from the child and left her alone for a moment, while watching her from a distance. Somehow it worked, and the kid quit screaming.

Is there any possible way to not take your daughter shopping? Is her father in the picture, and if so, can you leave her with him while you shop? I know taking a kid to the store is no walk in the park, but can anyone watch her for you while you shop so you don't need to deal with meltdowns?

 
Old 11-04-2006, 06:01 AM   #8
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Re: unacceptable behaviour in the store

You know a positive interaction because you both feel good. With a positive interaction it is something that both of you are enjoying like coloring together, playing dolls, playing at the park, swimming, playing a game, reading together, etc. I remember reading one of your posts where you wanted your daughter to color or do something a certain way and she wouldn't or something. This controlling the play is no fun, it is not positive interaction.

 
Old 11-04-2006, 01:56 PM   #9
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Re: unacceptable behaviour in the store

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Stranger
Do you find anything wrong with spanking? If not, why not wail her backside a few times? Kids may have underdeveloped minds, but they have enough brain matter to associate "me screaming = pain", hence how they learn from a firm spanking to behave.

If not, you can simply ignore her, although I think other shoppers may give you the death glare if you let her wail like a siren without doing anything. What about taking her outside, diverting her attention elsewhere, threatening her (i.e. "If you don't stop screaming, I'm going to throw away favorite toy/video/etc.")? I know once my aunt's daughter (was your child's age at the time) threw a fit in the store because she couldn't get a toy she wanted, so my aunt walked away from the child and left her alone for a moment, while watching her from a distance. Somehow it worked, and the kid quit screaming.

Is there any possible way to not take your daughter shopping? Is her father in the picture, and if so, can you leave her with him while you shop? I know taking a kid to the store is no walk in the park, but can anyone watch her for you while you shop so you don't need to deal with meltdowns?
Yes normally I don't take her shopping. My husband or mother in low staying with her. Sometimes I had to. Also my dh told me that if I spank her and it will be at least a little trace on her bottom or somebody sees it we can be reported as child abusers.

 
Old 12-30-2006, 12:29 PM   #10
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Re: unacceptable behaviour in the store

I have a 11yr old son and a 7 yr old daughter who STILL misbehave in the store! I belive that they know you WILL NOT spank them or shout very loud in a public place. Where I come from spanking is a big NO, NO! I'm always afraid that if I shout to loud or spank the cops would show up and arrest me. So my theory is that when were shopping or at the mall they know that they can "let loose" so to speak. I have taken to leaving IMMEDIATLY when they act out. I've even left resturaunts before the food has come! Of course my kids are older now so it took me awhile to figure it out! I also ignore the behavior- to the dismay of the other shoppers. But it does work! Also I belive that by doing something positve while the child is acting innapropriatly it will just reinforce the bad behavior. I would not respond- take him by the hand and leave the store immediatly. This will sink in that that behavior is not acceptable.

Last edited by dfroman1166; 12-30-2006 at 12:39 PM.

 
Old 12-30-2006, 03:49 PM   #11
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Re: unacceptable behaviour in the store

I didn't mean to do something positive with the child while they are acting out. I meant that if you frequently have positive interactions with your child on a regular basis that the child will behave better on an everyday basis.

 
Old 12-31-2006, 09:37 AM   #12
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Re: unacceptable behaviour in the store

Oh...sorry sannah I misunderstood. Your right!

 
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