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Am I dillusional or is something off here?

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Old 11-12-2006, 04:53 PM   #1
My last nerve
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Red face Am I dillusional or is something off here?

I'm raising a 6 year old little girl. She's articulate and charming.

As I looked through some of her homework, I noticed that she forged my signature on some of her homework.
She cut up her backpack....a week after I bought it, and had covered the front of it in pencil.

If ever I am in a face to face conversation with someone, she cuts in as if the other person isn't there. I have had her hearing checked. I've told her constantly that if she wants to speak to me while I'm speaking to someone, to say 'excuse me mom'. She has never done it.

I'm an orderly person that likes a clean house. I know that with children, they will create a mess but since she was a todler, she has participated in cleaning up. She understands the concept but cannot seem to keep anything organized much less pick up after herself.

She constantly twists the truth i ways that make me wonder when child protective services will come knocking on my door. At a sleep over at my cousin's house, I was told that my child refused to acknowledge her when called by name. She will be asked to do something and completely ignore the person, especially adults. She has also in the past, spoken to adults through children if they are around. She wispers in their ear and tells them to report it to the adult trying to speak to her. Recently, I am noticing the same thing with me.

This summer I had taken her and her cousin to an amusement park and on the way home, an elderly woman sitting next to us decided to tell me that I needed to watch my child because she seemed to think she was grown. She watched the two children interact speak to eachother. The woman asked her if she had a fun day and my daughter just glared at her. Then, the woman asked her to speak up and told her that it is impolite not to respond when an adult speaks to her. My daughter mumbled a yes. The woman told me that she thought my child lacked respect of adults (anyone and everyone) and that with a child like that, I needed to be extremely careful. Now, apart from the woman's apparent outspokeness, could there be any validity in whatever she thinks she saw in my child?

I have had friends that are afraid of my child's ability to lie. She has told lies on adults infront of witnesses as though she could get away with it.
She has told others that she hasn't eaten because she didn't eat what she wanted. She has thretened me many times, told me that she wants to live elsewhere and so on.

She talks non stop. I've tried to engage her to see how long she could go on speaking and she went the whole day and passed out at about 8pm. I know kids like to talk, but she speaks of logic: the 'why's behind whatever it is she is speaking about' -things she knows already but seems to have to go through over and over again. At school, she speaks through most of her assignments only to never finish. Her reading is exceptional; both English and French.

My husband's sister and mother want to know how I keep up.

She is manipulative and constantly asks people to do things for her that she can do on her own. Most things don't seem to phase her, including punishment.You can take something away as a punishment, and she'll let you know that either she:
A) didn't really need it
B) or, will cry (very loudly) for a bit and move onto talking to me about something else.
C) sending her to her room does do much. She trashes it and will apologize once she doesn't care anymore.

So, repercussions for actions doesn't work. She doesn't seem to care about anything at the end of the day and would be considered one of the happiest children around. She is very loving and enthusiastic. My concern is, what happens to children who don't care; that play with people and move on? That have no respect for those around them and displays little respect for her things and herself?

Her teacher called and left me a message complaining about my child's 'goofy' behaviour. Her peers laugh at her and she takes it with a grain of salt and moves on.

I've been consistent in my parenting and know that my child has been taught better than what she is displaying. I try to practice what I preach with her but it's an uphill battle. She just refuses to comply. Even when I logically explain to her why she must do something, she always has a logical reason (for an 8 year old) as to why it does not have to be that way. It wasn't always this way: There was a time where there was no room for debate. But slowly, she began to question and even though I would respond, it was almost as if she was playing with me; that whatever the response was, it didn't really matter.

Much of what I am saying may seem a bit paranoid on my part, but it's not only me that is seeing things now. People who initially decided to not inform me of her behaviours have been speaking up, concerned or fed up with her lack of respect.

When she does things to upset me (like writing on a piano that has been in the family for some time) she smiles at me and says, 'let me see it'.

Some people think it's great; that she is too smart, but there's something about the way in which she interacts that worries me about her future. Some of my friends whom she's lied on are literally afraid of her. They feel that any effort to steer her in a more positive way will get them in trouble. They don't know what will fly out of her mouth when I am not around.

She has told lies on her father and speaks to him as if he is a child. He doesn't seem to be able to change that.

After reviewing what I have typed, it sounds like she might be craving for attention but this child gets attention and then some. She doesn't seem to think that taking turns or sharing my time ever, should be an option. When I ignore her, trying to send a message that her behaviour of speaking over someone won't be tolerated, she goes off to do something that will grab my attention like breaking something, spilling something or 'finding' something I couldn't seem to find for the longest time.

She's involved in extra curricular activities but gets bored of them quickly and stops trying. She played soccer this past summer and shortly into the season, she began encouraging other children on the team to kick up dirt and rip grass while the games were on. I have witness her telling another child to do bad or disgusting things just to watch them do it. That is wickedness.

It's also difficult for me because such behaviours are foreign to me and my family. I was the complete opposite to her and most of my issues with her, my family is just shocked about...the help ends there. Some family members don't see behaviours that I speak of and I try to explain to them that she has learned how best to deal with them. Whatever works.

Am I dillusional or is something off here?

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Old 11-13-2006, 02:05 AM   #2
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Re: Am I dillusional or is something off here?

I'm no expert, but it does sound like she might have some kind of attention/behaviour disorder, like ADHD for example.

Have you considered taking her to a doctor or a child behaviour specialist? Perhaps it's worth writing down all the things that she does which seem odd to you, then at least speak to a specialist and see what they think - chances are that if it *is* a behaviour problem, they will spot it immediately and should be able to offer advice on dealing with it.

Old 11-13-2006, 08:09 AM   #3
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Re: Am I dillusional or is something off here?

Mylastnerve, your statement that you are raising a 6 year old girl makes it sound to me as though you have adopted her or something? If this is true her past could explain all of the problems. I would go to family therapy and get some help.

Old 11-13-2006, 03:09 PM   #4
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Re: Am I dillusional or is something off here?

OH MY GOSH!!!! If I didn't know better I would think you were writing about my daughter. I think that I am crazy sometimes too but I am not.. My daughter is ADHD but in my opinion that doesn't explain away the way she acts because I have an older daughter with ADHD and she doesn't act like this at all.

If you figure out anything that works on helping let me know because I have been asking these same questions for years. My daughter is 10 and still acts this exact same way.

Old 11-13-2006, 09:06 PM   #5
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Re: Am I dillusional or is something off here?

Hi, Ladies I know that this may scare you a little bit but many kids are diagnosed ADHD and have early onset Bipolar Disorder and many of the characteristics described in our post seem to fit into that. There are also other diagnoses such as ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) a nd CD (conduct Disorder) which should be looked into as well.

I would definitely have your daughters further evaluated by a pediatric psychiatrist. Bipolar is treatable and the earlier it is treated the better things will be.

Good luck ~ Goody

Old 11-13-2006, 09:19 PM   #6
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Re: Am I dillusional or is something off here?

If it was me I would take her to for a mental evaluation.My oldest son (13) was very much this same way.He had a nice set of wooden bunk bed's and tore them apart at only 4 years old because I sent him to his room for bad behavoir.I had taken all toy's from his bedroom because hed throw them round making holes in the wall's.I would be woken in the middle of the night or wee hour's of the morning by noises I would get up and find my son on kitchen counter top's and he had pulled cereal and diff thing's out of the cabinet's big mess all over.He was alway's extremly active and interrupted constantly.I could go on and on lol but I finally took my son to a child therapist at age 5 and found out he was AD/HD.We did just therapy for months with no real improvement and went to medication which took a while to get the right one for my son.Anyway,he is no longer on medication but im having other issue's with my son now he is a teen but there is defiant behavoir's.If I were you i'd have this looked into asap because it may only get worse.I wish you the best and yes kid's with AD/HD and other issue's are proven to be very smart kid's my son is a master manipulator with those who do not know any better lol.

Old 11-15-2006, 08:02 PM   #7
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Re: Am I dillusional or is something off here?

No, she's been mind from conception. I think that my tone might have been an illustration of how distant I've been feeling from my child due to my inability to understand what is going on.

Old 11-15-2006, 08:03 PM   #8
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Re: Am I dillusional or is something off here?

I was trying to reference the stage hoping others with children who are or have been around the same age might be able to give some insight.

Old 11-16-2006, 02:39 AM   #9
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Re: Am I dillusional or is something off here?

My Last Nerve,

Much of what you describe is very normal 6 year old behavior. It is unrealistic to expect a 6 year old to be tidy or organized. That would be abnormal behavior; being messy isn't.

It's also normal for 6 year olds to interrupt, to lose interest in activities, and to question your authority (she doesn't care if your reason is "rational" - she wants to do what she wants to do, when she wants to do it). Developmentally, all those behaviors are right on target.

It's also not unusual for teachers to occasionally complain about "goofy" behavior and it's not terribly unusual for kids to try to get other kids in trouble. I must say it bothers me to hear you refer to that as "wickedness" - it sounds abnormally harsh to me.

Your daughter's behavior was not any business of the woman on the train.

There are two things you describe that worry me a little bit - 1) the frequent lying (although, again, all 6 year olds lie periodically) and 2) the fact that you think something is off. Many times a mother's instinct are correct.

As far as discipline, you need to figure out what really matters to her. Television? A particular game? Video or computer games? Playing with friends? When you need to make a point, take that away for the day (not longer) - if she behaves the next day, she gets it back. Don't let it concern you that she says she doesn't care or won't miss it. She's trying to get your goat.

Personally, I'd try to spend more time around other kids her age so that I could get a better gauge on what is normal behavior. There is also a series of books "Your 5 Year Old", "Your 6 Year Old", etc. You might pick up the appropriate one and see how your kiddo compares.

If you continue to think that something isn't quite right, mention it to her pediatrician and ask for a referral for an evaluation.

Last edited by index.html; 11-16-2006 at 02:41 AM.

Old 11-20-2006, 05:03 PM   #10
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Unhappy Re: Am I dillusional or is something off here?

Taking things away from her for a day, doesn't do much. She's usually over it in a matter of hours.

When I tell her to do something, she constantly speaks as though she hasn't heard me. When I explain to her that she hasn't listened, she tells me that she didn't hear me. When she acknowledges what I say, she comes up with excuses as to why she did not respond.

We just finished dinner and I told her to go upstairs and brush her teeth. She began to wail and tell me that it was no fair and that I was no fun. I told her ok. Since she wasn't satisfied, she started screaming from upstairs that she hates living with me and that she doesn't want to be with me at all.

I guess in her mind, she has options. I went upstairs and grabbed her little arms and came down to look her in her eys as she wailed. I told her that I am her mother and that when parents love their children, they tell them what is best for them.

I left the room and two minutes later, she is reading a book aloud and singing a song.

This is emotionally draining for me and I refuse to give into her bad mouthing though it definitely affects me. I think that with the help of a friend or two, I'm going to see how she likes me not being around her. She said that she wished I wasn't here so, perhaps if I disappear for a minute she might think twice about her 'wishes'.

It might seem harsh but my child doesn't seem to value anything. She wants to have fun all the time and if you cannot facilitate that, she will try her best to hurt your feelings. I'm doing the best that I can here and I could have never imagined a child with what she has, being so dissatisfied. Nothing is good enough for her and she doesn't seem to appreciate anything.

She went through a phase where she was constantly telling me that she loved me. At first, I thought it was cute but after a while, she would say it when she knew she wanted to ask for something, or when she broke something.

Old 11-21-2006, 12:17 AM   #11
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Re: Am I dillusional or is something off here?

Some family counseling would be a good idea!

Old 11-21-2006, 05:02 AM   #12
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Re: Am I dillusional or is something off here?

Originally Posted by My last nerve
No, she's been mind from conception. I think that my tone might have been an illustration of how distant I've been feeling from my child due to my inability to understand what is going on.
Please get some counseling for yourself and this child. I, too, thought that she wasn't your biological child.

Whether she is 6 or 8 (I'm a little confused here), there is still time to help her and yourself before the teen years hit.

Unconditional love is the best premise for raising a healthy child.

Old 11-22-2006, 09:17 AM   #13
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Re: Am I dillusional or is something off here?

Could I ask a couple of questions. If I asked you to sum her up in one word, how would you describe her? Does she have any remorse when she has been found out? I always thought my son had little conscience. (I now understand he has none). At such a young age, I'm sure there are alot of avenues you can take for help.

Old 11-22-2006, 04:00 PM   #14
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Lightbulb Re: Am I dillusional or is something off here?

My child is a free spirit with little remorse for anything she does wrong. I tell her to do something and she procrastinates. I doubt she has the ability to handle any kind of responsibility which at her age, is important. She has issues in school when asked to complete assignments and although everyone knows she's intelligent, she refuses to finish her work and would rather engage in anything else.

I've watched other family members work with her to get things done but this takes the task at hand away from her responsibility. I'm talking about simple things like putting her work in her binder and not having them stuffed in her bag. Things like brushing her teeth is a task. She doesn't want me to do it and would rather make up excuses as to why she can't do it. Everything from, her stomach hurting to not being able to get the toothpaste out, to hating the toothpaste to finding something else that she sees as more important.

Plain and simple, I feel like I've got this puppet here who wants to make a mess and have me hold her had to get anything done. Her homework is a task as well. I can sit with her and do it but then that spills over into every thing else like putting her shoes on for her, putting on her jacket, organizing her school work etc. Her teacher asked me last year to cut down on helping her as she refuses to try to do it on her own and at her age, these are things that she needs to be doing on her own.

I don't want to baby her but I am aware that she is an October baby and one of the younger ones in her class.

Old 11-22-2006, 08:40 PM   #15
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Re: Am I dillusional or is something off here?

Don't know a lot about ADD/ADHD, so I can't really comment on that. However, when my son was about the same age (youngest in his class also), he tested out as gifted. We discovered this when his 2nd grade teacher insisted he was ADD and needed testing. He acted out, made excuses for not doing things (try getting him to put his clothes away -- he's 17 and still making excuses), etc. No ADD, but he was gifted.

He was bored, so we were able to get him in a "Challenge" class at school -- helped immensely! Also, punishment for him consisted of telling him to stand in the corner -- we had to be very specific - the only thing he was allowed to do was stand in the corner and breathe. Otherwise, he would sit on the floor and flail his legs, pounding the floor, or hit the wall, or any of a dozen other noise-making adventures. When he wanted to know if he could come out, I would ask if he thought he could behave. If I relented and he resumed prior behaviour, back he went. I knew he was getting control of himself when he would answer, "No, I need to stay in the corner longer". Television, games, toys, etc. -- these meant nothing to him so taking them away did not help. The time in the corner, with him determining how long it would be, is the only thing that worked. This was when he was 5/6 yrs old, maybe longer.

A good psychiatrist/psychologist may be in order due to some of the disturbing aspects, just go with an open mind and think through any and all suggestions they give you, just like you would with a medical doctor.

Don't feel bad about distancing yourself; the only way I could deal with my older son's autism was be getting myself to a place that was not emotionally involved. This did not mean I didn't love him or show him that I loved him, but when his actions and behaviours became "taxing", I had to put my emotions on hold and deal with the problems; then I could give him the unconditional love he deserved.

Good luck and try not to micro-manage your daughter; explaining every little decision to a child under the age of 8 is unnecessary. Sometimes, "because I said so" really is the only reason they need to hear.

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