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Old 12-19-2006, 07:10 AM   #1
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Too young??

My 11 year old son has been bugging me to let him meet his friends at the movies, skating or bowling on friday nights- without parental supervision. He gets very angry when I tell him that I still think he's too young. He says that "all the other kids get to" or " you treat me like a baby,I hate you"! Is he right? Should i let him go? My hubby says NO WAY! I feel bad sometimes for saying no. He is a great kid, an A student and has great friends! I really have no reason to not trust him. At what age is it appropriate to allow these activities unsupervised?

 
Old 12-19-2006, 07:27 AM   #2
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Re: Too young??

D-
I know what you are going through. My son is 12 and at 10 & 11 he would beg me to PLEASE let him go to the movies without any kind of parental supervision. I took a firm stance on this because there are so many horrible people out there that are just lurking and watching for the chance to grab a child. I shudder to even think about it.

I had to firmly explain to him that although I trusted him, I could not and would not be able to trust the fact that there wouldn't be someone else watching for some young fella to be away from an adult. Wihtout getting extremely graffic, I explained the dangers of a young boy not having the ability to fend off someone who might want to grab him and do bad things to him.

As his parent, you have the right to make the choice of when he is old enough to be out unsupervised, and at 11 years old, I have to agree that it's just too young. Yes, your son thinks he is old enough to take care of himself, and "everyone else" is doing it, but he isn't everyone else. He is your son, and you want to do everything in your power to keep him safe so he will make it to the age where he can go out with friends and not have a parent there with them.

Be strong, keep doing the right thing by your son, and one day he will thank you. I promise.

 
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Old 12-19-2006, 07:55 AM   #3
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Re: Too young??

Yes... that is my main fear-that some sicko will get hold of him! We have explained to him that we DO trust him, just not others. I have noticed that his anger is very sort lived so maybe on some level he does realize that we aren't trying to treat him like a baby!
At what age is it appropriate in your opinion?

Last edited by dfroman1166; 12-19-2006 at 07:56 AM.

 
Old 12-19-2006, 08:38 AM   #4
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Re: Too young??

You know, I think many parents have a different view of what would be the appropriate age. My son is 12 and I still don't allow him to be without some kind of trustworthy adult supervision. We live in a small beach community on the Outer Banks of NC, so we get a ton of tourists, and I am one of those very protective moms, so I'm probably not the best person to ask.

My 17 year old (almost 18 years old as she likes to remind me)daughter was, if I remember correctly 14 when I allowed her to go to the movies without an adult present. She had a cell phone with her and checked in with me too. We dropped her off and made sure she got inside with her group, and then picked her up as well. She was/is a very responsible girl and basically always has been, so I knew she would be ok. Also, she knows several of the employees at the theater, so I had that added comfort/assurance.

It is so hard to make your kids understand sometimes how hard it is to stay firm when it comes to the rules. I mean, yes, we want them to have fun and enjoy all the things life has to offer, but we also want their safety and wellbeing to be above all else. It is hard, but our daughter is almost 18 now and has already thanked me many times over for being a "good mom". She told me that she has always known that I care. She has several friends whose parents allow them to just come and go as they please and never even ask where they are going or have any kind of curfew. I know these kids are almost 18 now, but the thing is, even at 15 and 16 these kids were allowed to roam without any restraints. I'm not saying their parents don't care, or aren't good parents, I'm just saying they raise their kids differently than I do. Now that our daughter is getting older, we do allow her more freedom, but there is still a curfew, she still has her cell phone with her and still checks in with us. She checks in with us by choice, but I do like for her to have her cell phone in case there is an emergency or she needs us for some reason.

I think the main thing is keeping the lines of communication open with our kids. I have always been an involved mom and will continue to do so until they are able to be out on their own. That time is coming quickly for our daughter too. She will be going away to college after this school year and I am already having heart palpitations. I am so excited for her, but I worry...you know how us moms are...hahaha!!

Last edited by ozzybug; 12-19-2006 at 08:45 AM.

 
Old 12-19-2006, 09:22 AM   #5
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Re: Too young??

Quote:
Originally Posted by dfroman1166
My 11 year old son has been bugging me to let him meet his friends at the movies, skating or bowling on friday nights- without parental supervision. He gets very angry when I tell him that I still think he's too young. He says that "all the other kids get to" or " you treat me like a baby,I hate you"! Is he right? Should i let him go? My hubby says NO WAY! I feel bad sometimes for saying no. He is a great kid, an A student and has great friends! I really have no reason to not trust him. At what age is it appropriate to allow these activities unsupervised?
I would just like to say for one "I hate you" should never come from a childs mouth to their mother of all people. That would break my heart. That is just awful. On a brighter note I am 22 years old and I went through that stage as well. Never used hateful words but felt as if all my friends were going to the mall together by themselves and movies and just even walking around the block. lol I just thought my mother was the WORST for not letting me have my freedom. Now that I look back and I see where those friends are now I am so thankful that my mother was strict enough not to let me go off with them. Those same friends ended up dropping out of school doing drugs and drinking to no end and they have made nothing of themselves. Not that everyone that does those things at a small age will turn out that way but in my case I am the only one that has made a great life for myself. I was never introduced to drugs or drinking in that way and I owe it all to my mama! lol! And also the fact that there are sicko people out there that kidnap, molest, etc children everyday would be reason enough not to let them do those things. They are certianly not old enough at that age if you ask me. I know you're thinking what she's only 22... what does she know... but trust me I know! My aunt actually works for an adoption agency and she tells me the horrors all the time of these types of things and I would be dammned if my child would go anywhere at that age no matter how many kids were doing it. Sorry to sound so stern! lol! This is just a very sensitive subject and I just think it's obsurd that people let their children go free at that young of an age. Hope that helped!!!

 
Old 12-19-2006, 10:27 AM   #6
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Re: Too young??

It does break my heart when he says "I hate you" although I realize that he dosen't mean it. He say's "I love you " 10 times more. He is my oldest child and it's a bit difficult for me to know what is the right age for certain thing's. Judging from the resposes I will most definitly wait until he is older to allow any activity without a responsable adult. Of course there will always be "who,what,where ect..
When I was 11 I was pretty much allowed my freedom to come and go as I please! That was a different time though!
Being a parent is hard work. You need to keep a balance between allowing them certain freedom as they get older and making sure their safe. I really worry about the drug and sex thing quite a bit. I think the key is what ozzybug said " keep the lines of communication open"! I can only do my best and hope for the best. I do know at this point that he makes good choices based on what we have taught him. I just hope he's still like that at 17 or 18!
Thank you all so much for your input!

 
Old 12-19-2006, 10:36 AM   #7
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Re: Too young??

Times have changed unfortunately!!! I just wish it were that way still! And yes communication is the key. Good luck with your decisions! I am sure you will make the right one!

 
Old 12-20-2006, 01:14 AM   #8
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Re: Too young??

first off all, i think that no matter what response you get, you wont change your mind.

my mother was someone who wouldnt let me go out until i was 15. all my friends was going cinema & stuff when they was 11.
it felt terrible to be singled out & not be able to socialise outside of school properly. it makes you feel like a little kid & embarrassed when all your mates are doing stuff. eventually, his friends will stop asking him, because they already know the answer will be no.
you might even reduce the amount of friends he has & he wont be able to make additional friends.
therefore, they might go off into individual groups at school because thats who they hang with outside of school.

take into consideration, you are having an effect on his happiness which could affect his school work & make him not want to go to school because of facing the other kids, who he is singled out from.



on another note, i can see the reason why my mother didnt let me go out (being 20 years old now). there are bad people in this world. but dont let your insecurities affect your childs relationship with others. this is the most important stage in his life.


why dont you drop him off to where he wants to go & pick him up.
i doubt anything will happen to a group of 5 plus boys.
if need be, wait for his friends to arrive then he can leave. so therefore, there will always be lots of people around.


i get the feeling you aint going to listen to what i say. but dont say i didnt recommend you.

best of luck

 
Old 12-20-2006, 03:52 AM   #9
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Re: Too young??

Sam- Thank you sooo much for you response! Your absolutely right I do not want him to be the only kid that doesen't get to do things without a parent! Just last night he went to a movie with 5 of his friends 3 boys and 2 GIRLS! I dropped him off and made sure he got into the movie and just as soon as it was over he called me to pick him up. We made sure he had his cell with him and he promised to call if anything felt wrong. I still don't feel comfortable with the skating rink- it is a town away from ours and a much bigger city! But you right I need to take into consideration the effect it will have on his relationships with his friends.
I will listen too ALL opinions! Thanks again!

 
Old 12-20-2006, 04:55 AM   #10
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Re: Too young??

That is good that you allowed him to do that. And like she said there were a group of people and you knew when the movie started and ended and you were there to pick him up when it was over (and those cell's are lifesavers!!) They say kids are too young for them but in cases like that they are great! I have an 11 yr old brother at home and my mom bought him one at 10 yrs old because he would always go 4wheeling and we have a super huge pasture so she could call him when he needed to come home or if he was in trouble. But that is good that you did that for him. The skating rink is kind of scarry! lol! I used to die to go with my friends but that was for some reason one place I was never allowed.

 
Old 12-20-2006, 07:00 AM   #11
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Re: Too young??

as long as you are doing what you are doing, by dropping & picking him up, that should be more then effecient.
just because the skating ring is out of town, doesnt put him in more or less of a risk.
as long as he has a mobile phone & a good amount of people. it should be ok.

 
Old 12-25-2006, 05:31 AM   #12
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Re: Too young??

I agree is not really more of a risk I just worry that if he fell and got hurt i'm not there. You know what I mean? The kids there on Fri nite are much older and bigger.

 
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