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Old 12-22-2006, 10:57 AM   #1
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Exclamation How to cope with daughter going to college??!!??

Well,
The day that many parents most look forward to and most DREAD is officially here. My daughter just got her acceptance letter and Certificate of Admission to the college that was her first choice. I am so, so happy for her and extremely proud of her, but I am sitting here crying because this college is 5+ hours away and my heart just can't handle the thought of her being so far away.

I am so torn right now, because I know this is a wonderful thing, a happy and exciting thing, but the mommy part of me misses her already. I know this sounds corny probably, but I feel like it was just yesterday that I was holding her in my arms adoring her just after giving birth. I have gone through her entire childhood in my mind. I remember her coming home from her first day in kindergarten telling me she wanted to go to college. She has always been an exceptional student and there was never a question in our minds about her going to college. I honestly thought I'd be more prepared to handle this.

The bad thing is- my husband is working in an area today that our cell phones don't get any service, so I can't even tell him about this until later! Oh, I want to tell him so bad! He is going to be so happy for her.

Well, sorry that I'm rambling now, but I really needed to ask all of you who have sent your children to college- HOW in the world did you cope with the worry part of it? How did you get over the shock that the day is finally here that your child, whom you have spent your life preparing for the world, is actually heading out into that world? Please, any advice is welcome.

 
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Old 12-26-2006, 07:52 PM   #2
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Re: How to cope with daughter going to college??!!??

First, congratulations to your daughter! That says a lot too about you and your DH, her wonderful parents!

I can so relate to your feelings. It seems like every parent I know says they cannot wait until their child leaves the nest. I am with you though. I do NOT want my children to move away. As a matter of fact, our oldest, our 19 year old son, told us a few months ago he was thinking of getting an apartment (right here in our town) and I cried myself to sleep that night. It hasn't happened nor has it been brought up again, but I dread the day that it comes up again. Of course I did not tell him that. He attends our local community college right now, but after next year I am probably going to have to face the fact that he is going to need to go out of town and I will be right where you are now. I know I haven't been any help here, but just wanted you to know that you are not alone, that you will be in my prayers and that I understand! When is she supposed to leave?

Nancy

 
Old 12-27-2006, 04:35 AM   #3
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Re: How to cope with daughter going to college??!!??

Hey Nancy-
Thank you soooo much for your reply, and it did help. And thank you for your kind words- it touched my heart! I was beginning to think nobody really thought this could possibly be a legitimate issue! I too have heard so many parents say how happy they will be to have all the baby birds out of the nest so they can start enjoying life with just them and their spouse. I've NEVER been able to say that. Like I said before, there has never been a question in our mind that she wouldn't go to college. We've known all along this day would come.

Our daughter graduates in June 07 and we have to have her to college the beginning of August. Sometime around the 8th-11th if I remember correctly. This means we don't even have 8 full months with her! Some people would say, "Oh that's plenty of time", but in my eyes and in my heart, I feel it's not enough time! I have always been an involved mom, and don't feel like I've ever neglected the opportunity to spend time with her, but now, I feel as though I need to spend every spare minute we can together as a family! I'm not going to make her spend every spare moment with us of course, but the mommy in me wants to!

I'm also concerned about hour our 12 year old son will handle this. He has never even liked it when she would go to spend a weekend with a friend, or when she and I would leave town for a few days for school functions! He has many times said that things aren't the same when she's not home. I guess he and I will just have to lean on each other! My husband on the other hand has this wonderful way of "evening" things out for me. He is my rock. He isn't ready for her to leave yet either, but he just has this way of understanding how I feel, and is able to make things better.

I know this is all just life, and at some point in time most kids leave home to face the world, but really, I'd much rather my daughter be going to a collge that is maybe a bit closer to home. I did try and steer her towards one that is only a couple hours away, but the one she's going to (5 hours away) has the study abroad program which she is going to apply for. She has her heart set on getting to the Imperial School of Science in London. Chemistry is her thing, and she excels in it, so I'm sure she'll have a great chance to get in. She will be majoring in Chemistry and will more than like minor in the arts. Art is her passion and she really is gifted, but she wants to be prepared for her future finances and has chosen not to major in Art. She's a good girl and deserves so many good things.

Nancy- when the time comes and your son has to leave, I'm here for you! Best wishes, and thank you again for your support!

 
Old 12-27-2006, 07:22 PM   #4
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Re: How to cope with daughter going to college??!!??

You are so right. Eight months is not really a long time and I am sure you do feel pressured to spend all the time with her that you can. My heart truly goes out to you. I feel your pain and I also understand your concern for your 12 year old son. We have always been a close family too and have done a lot of things together. I know too that when our 19 year old leaves our two younger ones will have a hard time. He and his 16 year old brother (and even though his leaving for college if he chooses not to do the CC thing is about a year and a half away I am already dreading that) do a lot together when the older one is at home and are fairly close. Our seven year old daughter already tells us when he has been working a lot of evenings, that she hasn't seen her biggest brother very much, and she misses him even then. Like in your situation, my DH seems to be the level headed one, understanding how I feel while doing his best to convince me that our son is doing what he needs to do to be successful in life. We certainly are blessed in that respect. I know other parents have gotten through this and I know you and I can and will too, but it sure seems impossible right now! We want the best for our children and we want them to be successful, but it sure is hard sometimes to just let them go and do what they need to do. I am convinced that this is the most challenging aspect of parenting, letting go!

Your daughter sounds like she is very bright and very talented. I am sure you are proud of her and you have a right to be!

What state are you in if you want to share that?

Nancy

 
Old 12-28-2006, 05:53 AM   #5
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Re: How to cope with daughter going to college??!!??

Good Morning Nancy-
You know, I agree that letting go is challenging! It has to be done, and like you said, we can and will be able to get through it. We have choice but to get through it. I know it wouldn't be fair to keep her home and not allow her to go to college just because I worry. She has worked hard for this and deserves this opportunity.

Just like your oldest son, he has worked hard to make a place for himself in this world and he deserves the opportunity to go out into that world and live his life. I don't think it matters if they are 10 hours away, or 10 minutes away, we are burdened with the worry. Believe me, sometimes I wish I could just flip the worry switch off because it would certainly make it much easier. Many times I've thought that it would be nice to be one of those parents who is able to let go so easily. I mean, I know they worry too, I know they love their kids, but they seem to be able to keep it in check somehow and I just don't know how to get to that point. Like the way our husbands are able to keep it in check, and therefore make things better for us.

We are on the east coast of North Carolina, in Kitty Hawk, and she will be going to college in Greensboro which is just over 5 hours west of us. Our son, even though he is only 12 talks about going to college, but he is more of a home body and talks more about going to our local community college. I told him if this is what he chooses, then I am 100% fine with it. I never went to college, and am glad my kids will be able to. There will be lots of sacrifice, but it'll be worth it I know.

I'm just glad I only have to go through this with two children...haha. It sounds like you have 3 children to get through this with. Oh Nancy, isn't it funny how, no matter how old they are we still call them our children, or our babies? I know my daughter has a bright future ahead of her, I know my son does, and all of your children do too. I am trying really hard to focus on that part of it because it's a positive thing.

Maybe I need to take a phsycology class at our local CC to try and learn how to cope with letting go? Who knows, it might do me some good! Haha

 
Old 12-28-2006, 08:16 PM   #6
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Re: How to cope with daughter going to college??!!??

I do have to say it is very comforting to know that another parent truly understands!

Just last night our 16 year old (and I think this is so ironic) informed us that he is interested in going to a college in Miami (we're in Daytona so its about six hours away) and all I could do was hope that he changes his mind. Like you said, they are always our babies. I want what's best for him but I do not want my "baby boy" six hours away! I guess I'll just have to deal with it as the time draws nearer if that is still his plan, but it sure is hard!

Keep in touch!

Nancy

 
Old 01-05-2007, 09:50 PM   #7
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Re: How to cope with daughter going to college??!!??

This was so great to read. I have three boys and my youngest graduated
high school in 2006. He is going to college locally. My middle son attends
school 8 hrs away. We do see him often and talk on the cell phone every
day sometimes several times a day. My oldest son graduated college in 2005 and now will be making me a grandma in July. Yes I am excited but I have
so many emotions. Letting go is really difficult. I just wanted to tell you
it does get easier. Find a good family cell phone plan if you don't have one
already. That has been a lifesaver for us. These kids like to say they are all
grownup but they still like to call home and talk.
I am so happy for your daughter. Enjoy her senior year it does go by
so fast.

But again congratulations to both of you.

 
Old 01-06-2007, 06:03 AM   #8
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Re: How to cope with daughter going to college??!!??

Nancy & Warhawkmom-
Thank you again for your input, support and understanding! Sorry I've not visited this thread in the past couple weeks. Things are crazy around here with all the paperwork for college and such.

My daughter and I have planned a trip to visit what will be her new "home". We are going to leave on Sat., Jan 20 and will return home on Tues., Jan 22nd. The tour of campus will be Monday at 9:30 am. The rest of the time, my daughter and I will be "cruising" around town and getting familiar with things like local urgent care, pharmacy, grocery store, well lit gas stations, etc. Places she will need to be familiar with. Oh, I do have to say there is a GREAT mall right there which is a good thing for when I visit, haha!! Anyway, I thought making an extended trip to familiarize ourselves with her new surroundings would be a good idea, plus because this trip is just the two of us, it will give me some "mommy" time with her.

I am deffinately going to take your advice warhawkmom, and see what kind of family plan our cell carrier offers and will also make sure they provide "towers" (service) in that area. Our previous carrier didn't service that area.

Ladies, it's such a pleasure speaking with you. We are so fortunate to have great kids, aren't we? I know this will get easier, but right now, I just have to find a way to feel ok with letting go. I CAN do this, but do I really want to? I know, I know, yes I do want to because it wouldn't be fair to keep her cooped up in this tiny little town that really has nothing to offer her as far as her future. She has a bright one ahead of her I know that.

It sounds like we are all in the same boat, and that our kids are living their lives and making their own way. I say this really is a good thing. Take care, and please continue to post!

Lezlee

 
Old 01-06-2007, 04:40 PM   #9
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Re: How to cope with daughter going to college??!!??

I do understand how you are feeling about letting go. But I am finding
as I let these wonderful little boys go (oh they would hurt me if they
heard that ha ha) I am getting back delightful young men who I am so
proud of. Your daughter will grow but don't worry you are going to be so
proud and amazed of how she does grow. You have obviously done a
great job and you both are going to be fine.

 
Old 01-06-2007, 04:53 PM   #10
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Re: How to cope with daughter going to college??!!??

Thank you BOTH! I hear so much "I can hardly wait till my kid leaves home and goes to college, blah, blah, blah"! Until I found this board I thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn't imagine my kids leaving to go anywhere! You are right though Warhawk. When they leave they tend to mature even more I think and continue to make us very proud parents.

Congratulations Warhawk on becoming a new grandma in the near future and Ozzy, have a wonderful time with your daughter exploring her new town. I am sure you'll feel better when you both have had the chance to find out about the town, where things are, etc.

It's just so nice though to have someone to confide in right here about our fears and concerns!

Nancy

 
Old 01-13-2007, 04:47 PM   #11
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Re: How to cope with daughter going to college??!!??

Well ladies, we sent our son back to school Thursday. He wasn't supposed to
go back until Monday but because of the weather we wanted him to get
back so he wouldn't be caught in it. It is so quiet without him here. It really
doesn't get easier for them to go. His Christmas break is really long, thank
goodness. He is an athlete so he has to be there most of the time we do
go and see him but it is not the same. My youngest son is still home and I get to dote on him. He really enjoys that. It will be really tough when he
decides to move out. He is already talking about an internship in Washington
D.C......I don't know. Oh well... Life goes on--Hope you guys are having a
great weekend.

 
Old 01-13-2007, 07:01 PM   #12
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Re: How to cope with daughter going to college??!!??

(((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) ))))))) to you! Is everything OK there with all the ice? It was a good idea to have him go back early.

Again, you both don't know how much better I feel knowing that others feel just like me about all this and can still get through it!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ozzy, be sure to let us know how your college trip goes later this month.

Nancy

 
Old 01-14-2007, 07:32 AM   #13
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Re: How to cope with daughter going to college??!!??

Good morning ladies-
Warhawk- Like Nacny said, it was a great idea to let your son leave early. I would have done the same thing! And washington DC? I know your son is really excited about the possibility, but again, I'd worry too! DC is beautiful, but I can understand your worry. That is one busy place!

Nancy- I've already gotten the driving directions on line because I don't remember the exact way to get to Greensboro. I've been there before, and it is a pretty place, but like DC, it's a busy place. The traffic was insane! Our daughter is getting mail constantly from the college with information about the next steps she needs to take, and don't even think they forgot to tell me what will come next for mom & dad. THE MONEY!!!! Looks like I'm gonna have to plant another money tree out back because the other one dried up....hahaha!

Every time our daughter opens a new letter from college, I feel her slipping farther away for some reason, and it's a bittersweet feeling. So many emotions I'm dealing with right now. I almost can't even talk about her leaving just yet. I don't want to seem cruel and unfeeling, but I just have a hard time talking about it. I know her leaving is going to happen, and I do want her to experience the wonderful life that's ahead of her, but mom has got to get it together and soon! I am trying, really I am. I'll get there, hopefully sooner rather than later...

Take care ladies! (((HUGS)))

 
Old 01-14-2007, 08:08 AM   #14
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Re: How to cope with daughter going to college??!!??

Wow ..... I have a 3 year old and 1 yr old and I often think about them growing up and wanting to move out and it gives me the chills people always tell me stop thinking about it it is sooo far away but when you really do think about it. IT IS NOT I am 25 and my life so far has been a flash.... I mean it has went by so quickly and I am scared for that day to come :-(..... I worry more then my hubby but when that day comes I don't know how he will cope... Why can't they just stay small forever,,,,,

I often think what if I make living at home HEAVEN for them so they will never want to leave LOL.. Okay I am a crazy LOL... but like I said they are still so young and I dread the day that is going to come.

Best wishes to you and your family.

 
Old 01-14-2007, 07:43 PM   #15
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Re: How to cope with daughter going to college??!!??

Well, it looks like there are a lot more of us out there than I realized, who do not want their kids to leave home. 1geoc, you are right. Time passes so quickly and it will be here before you know it! I wish I had some advice on how to deal with it, but I guess you can tell by reading the posts from the three of us it is not an easy task. Just try to enjoy them while you can. Relish every moment. Rock them, cuddle them and hold them as much as possible. You will never regret that.

Ozzy, first, could you tell me where you get the seeds for that money tree? I would really like to pick up a package of them, or actually, a few packages!
I am so sorry you are having a hard time facing it. I understand and wish I could give you advice, but it is just as difficult for me to face and I am not even having to do it at the moment. I can almost feel the dread in the pit of my stomach. Bless your heart! It sounds like your daughter has been raised well by you and your DH, will be successful and is ready to be independent, but it is still so hard. All I can offer you are my prayers and you have those, for you, your daughter and the rest of your family.

I'm so glad we have found this board so we can all offer each other this encouragement, understanding and support. I appreciate all three of you. This is the hardest part of parenting in my opinion.

Nancy

 
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