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Old 12-27-2006, 07:26 PM   #1
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Kiera1595 HB User
100% burnt out

Ok folks, I used to be an addict on these boards because I loved getting and giving advice...now I'm back and I need support desperately.

I am having such a hard time with my kids who are almost 2 and 3 1/2. I love them to death but I am so exhausted, I need a break and all I want to do is run away. I feel like never can 5 minutes pass without something breaking, someone crying, someone whining, someone falling, someone needing a drink or a snack, without a diaper being changed, someone needing help, a fight breaking out, something being lost. I want to do an activity for more than 5 minutes. I want to sit down for more than 5 minutes. I want to say we have to do something without a protest from one of the two. I want them to agree on things. I want my house to remain clean for more than 5 minutes. I'm tired of staring at all of the laundry that we can never catch up on.

I get up for work at 3:30am M-F and I am home by 11am. My husband leaves for work around 1pm and isn't home until midnight. We are both so tired. I come home from work and jump right into mommy mode and continue it all day (from 1pm on without help) I finally get everyone in bed around 7 and then there's the cleaning and everything else to take care of. And my husband doesn't have it much better.

I just feel like I am ready to break. In fact, I know I'm breaking. I'm finding I can be patient for a while, but once I hit the breaking point for the day I get really upset. I hate that I am yelling at them almost everyday. Half the time it's over something unimportant, but it's the 476th unimportant thing of the day and it becomes the final straw. I find myself just watching the clock for bed time and thinking how am I going to kill the next two hours, the next hour, the next 30 minutes?

I've been through a lot of crap this year and all of that has gotten a lot better. I stayed strong for my kids and even tempered as I didn't want to take it out on them. But now that calmness seems to have ended. I don't know if now I am so totally wiped out and that's what's causing it. I think it's just the comination of two kids and that "grand age", plus the exhastion and rough year.

I do take time for myself everyday. And I have friends who are moms. So I have some of the basics covered. But I haven't been away alone with my husband in over a year and that was just for two days. So I know that isn't helping things any.

Tell me I am not alone. Tell me that I'll beg for these days when they become teenagers. Tell me it will pass. And tell me how I can relax with my kids.
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Old 12-28-2006, 12:06 AM   #2
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firenice HB User
Re: 100% burnt out

If you have 5 minutes alone, sit down, close your eyes and take several deep full breaths. Be thankful that you still have your health, that all your limbs are working. Recognize that you are in a phase; certainly a difficult phase and it may go on for a few more years. And then you'll be into another phase. It may not be as difficult, but it will certainly have it's challenges.

If you have 5 minutes alone, sit down, close your eyes, take several deep breaths. Be thankful that your legs and feet are working, that your arms and hands are able to do the miraculous things they do.

Give yourself permission to feel tired, stressed and burned out. Try not to get upset about your being stressed. Or, rather, don't get stressed about being stressed. Don't demoralize yourself with negative self talk. You sound like you're doing a lot and it's normal that you would feel overhwelmed. You're children are just at that age when they can demand soooooo much. Let yourself be less than perfect; it's ok to make mistakes. It's ok to be frustrated and angry. It's ok to cry.

If you have 5 minutes alone, sit down, close your eyes and take several deep breaths. Be thankful that you have a job, have a husband, have friends. Make time with your friends, your husband and other adults a priority. You need time with peers. And you need time to be alone with yourself.

take a few deep breaths....and then return to the challenge that is your life now knowing that its passing away day by day right before your eyes.

Good luck....

 
Old 12-28-2006, 07:55 AM   #3
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Re: 100% burnt out

Sweetie I totally feel for you! I have a 5 year old and a 6 month old and I too beg for two minutes to go the bathroom without an audience.

When my youngest was born I was having health problems and my husband worked 6 days a week. It was the beginning of the summer and the oldest was out of preschool. I would find myself having a meltdown every Saturday evening when my husband got home from work.

You are not alone. I don't know one mother who hasn't felt the way you do. Like the other poster said you need to give yourself permission to be tired! You are not superwoman, you are only human.

When your children go to be you need to take some time for yourself before you start the house work. Your mental sanity is more important than the laundry or a pile of dishes in the sink. Do some deep breathing. Take a bubble bath to relax your muscles. Do something for you, you deserve it.

It seems to me that you have a very busy household. With both parents working (and barely seeing eachother) things can get so crazy and it feels like there are just not enough hours of the day or you are going through the motions rather than living. Would it be possible for you to hire someone to do the housework? This will free you up to enjoy your children and not stress about all of those unimportant things.

I think one day you will look back and miss this craziness. It's so easy to say now, but children are only young once and then they are gone. The most important thing is to love them and spend time with them now.

I wish you the best of luck. I know it's not easy right now, but it will get better. Allow yourself to be human!

 
Old 12-28-2006, 08:35 AM   #4
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Re: 100% burnt out

Hey Kiera - You and I were together as March 2005 Moms! Wow, remember when we were so excited! I too used to have times to read/post on the boards and liked it. Now, I'm in the same boat as you, and I've done it all 3 times before with my first 3 kids. This 4th one has thrown me over.

I too have a short fuse. Trying to work from home, having a nearly 2 year old and the bigger kids to deal with, coupled with all the household chores just leaves nothing left of me. My husband also received a job out of state and so now I don't even have him in the evenings. I am here alone until our house sells and since we're in Southern California, it will be months!

I wish I had some magic thing to tell you to make it all better. I do know that it gets better because once they hit about 3 1/2 to 4 years old, they can do so much more on their own and are fun to interact with. I keep telling myself I know that it gets better, but I find myself wanting Miss Drue to quickly get older. I feel bad though, because I know she's my last and I should be savoring it, but I feel like I would have it so easy right now if I hadn't had a 4th baby. I love her to death, but wow, it's hard and I need a break!!!! I even find myself perusing the internet and want ads and wondering if it wouldn't be better to just sell my business and go to work outside the home, at least then I'd get time away from the kids consistently.

Don't get me wrong, my husband does come home every other weekend or so and I do have a wonderful friend that takes Drue for a day, once a month. I should be fine with that, it's more than most Moms get, but I'm still overworked and stressed out.

I'm counting down the days until she turns 2 because I did find a 2 year old program in my little community that goes two mornings for 3 hours a week! I'm so there, even if I have to sell stuff on **** to pay for it!!

Hang in there and don't sweat the small stuff. Here's to hearing "Mommy, wook it" "Don't want to" "No" whine whine whine "Go outside" "bottle peeese" "juice peeeeese" whine whine whine "Mommy, Mommy" "Where Mommy go?" (as you're hiding in the closet trying to get dressed) "Shoes on" "Shoes off" "I do it" all over and over again, 5,000 times a day!!!!

 
Old 12-29-2006, 06:43 AM   #5
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: 100% burnt out

Kiera, I hear you! I am sure that you miss your husband so much! Everything is all work and no fun! Is there anyway to squeeze in some dates for you and your husband? I almost sense a cycle going on here with your children that can be stopped. You are tired and feeling overwhelmed and you are interacting with your children in a negative cycle (it starts with negative behaviors and goes on from there). Your children want your attention badly and they can feel your distress and it distresses them. My only suggestion is to STOP and start to spend some positive time with them that you are in control of. Do something really fun with them and start the interactions on a positive note. I noticed with my children that when things were getting into that negative cycle and I would just give them some positive attention and it invigorated them and helped them to act positively. To me it sounds like most of your children's behaviors that are stressing you out so much are just cries for your attention and cries of their distress with the negative interactions.

Last edited by Sannah; 12-29-2006 at 06:43 AM.

 
Old 12-29-2006, 09:52 AM   #6
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Kiera1595 HB User
Re: 100% burnt out

Thank you for all of the replies...

Larsons...soooo good to hear from you. I know that if you can do it, I can do it. I couldn't imagine my husband being COMPLETELY gone. It's bad enough having hime gone 5 nights a week.

We are trying to have dates once a week, though last month got kinda messed up.

As far as other advice, I have been trying to breathe more and count my blessings. I am also repeating the mantr "don't be so hard on yourself and them" It's hard becasue my son is sooo smart that I expect too much from him. So I keep reminding myself that he's only 3 1/2.

I do find something really fun for all of us to do everyday. Most days we have a "field trip" to the children's museum, the indoor playground, the reptile museum, or even the mall's play area. We also have playdates often. That's one thing I am good at, finding things for us to do (basically because we all go stir crazy in the house)

We finally had a good day yesterday where everyone was in a good mood, no yelling, very little whining, etc. All went to bed without a fight and passed out right away. It was AMAZING! I have some faith again. But I still welcome more advice...this is a never ending road.

Thank you to you all!
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Old 12-30-2006, 01:15 AM   #7
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elle jay HB User
Re: 100% burnt out

can you put a dvd on for them - like the wiggles or something? that can keep them occupied for an hour or so? these kiddy programs can be educational - they sing and dance etc

 
Old 12-30-2006, 03:53 PM   #8
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: 100% burnt out

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiera1595
I do find something really fun for all of us to do everyday. Most days we have a "field trip" to the children's museum, the indoor playground, the reptile museum, or even the mall's play area. We also have playdates often. That's one thing I am good at, finding things for us to do (basically because we all go stir crazy in the house)
Kiera, maybe you should stay home more often then! I was just thinking about doing something in the house with them for an hour! I know a lot of people like to get out of the house everyday like this but it would exhaust me. Are you sure that you are not being a supermom and you are just plain tired?

 
Old 01-02-2007, 08:48 AM   #9
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Re: 100% burnt out

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah
Kiera, maybe you should stay home more often then! I was just thinking about doing something in the house with them for an hour! I know a lot of people like to get out of the house everyday like this but it would exhaust me. Are you sure that you are not being a supermom and you are just plain tired?

I don't try to be "supermom" , but I do know that I try very hard to be above average when it comes to most things in life. But I know that I can't be perfect and I know my limitations. And yes, I agree that I am tired. But getting out of the house actually energizes me and the kids.

I do put on DVD's and find educational shows using On Demand when I need a break or to get something done. But sometimes I feel like I rely on that too much and I don't like it.

Just an update, perhaps my pleas were answered because we have had many good, easy days since I 1st posted. I know it won't last forever, but it has helped me regain my sanity and lean a few lessons.
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Old 01-02-2007, 10:03 AM   #10
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Re: 100% burnt out

Do you have your parents or in-lows or other siblings who can help once in a while? Do you have friends or neighbours with kids your age who can play with your kids for a while?
I feel your pain. I have only one ( will be 4 this month) and it is either tv which she can turn on herself now, either she is all over me.
Good idea to get paid help if you can afford it.
We are thinking about teenager coming at least once a week to play with her.

 
Old 01-03-2007, 08:35 AM   #11
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secretname1976 HB User
Re: 100% burnt out

Oh you are SO not alone. My kids are close together and I know the frustration of never getting to sit down.

I found myself getting really angry with them for then never letting me have my own time. So, I have a new rule in our house. After lunch they both go into their rooms for 30 min or more.. depends how happy they are. I usually set the timer for them and keep adding to it if they are doing good. Having a box of toys that they haven't seen in a while helps keep them occupied.

good luck

 
Old 01-05-2007, 07:58 AM   #12
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Re: 100% burnt out

Galinaqt, sounds like you don't enjoy being around you daughter very much? I had to learn to enjoy people since I came from a family where they didn't know how to enjoy each other. I know your family history and you all didn't enjoy each other either. Consider the message that you are sending to your daughter - that you don't enjoy her. She is probably all over you because she is begging for you to enjoy her. If you can start to enjoy her she will get what she needs from you and then she won't be all over you as much. I know that your daughter goes to day care so you spend a lot of time away from her.

 
Old 01-05-2007, 09:08 AM   #13
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Re: 100% burnt out

Main problem is that she is the only baby and has nobody to play with. That is one of the reason people have 2. I've heard it from many people that in a way having 1 is harder 'cause she will be all over you.
I enjoyed her but I am working full time plus my job required constant learning and I have to do stuff at home so it is tuff to find a time although I am trying. We are going out to playground when weather permits and other activities. Since my father can't help me as much as before it is tuffer.

 
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