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Old 01-17-2007, 06:28 AM   #1
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Msminnamouse HB User
Spanking

I'm a 21 year old female. I just wanted to let all parents out there know about the damage that spanking leaves behind. Although there may be some exceptions in few individuals. Most of this is through first hand knowledge.

I have never met any well adjusted person who was spanked as a child. Spanking is hitting. People like to use the word "spank" because they don't like thinking that they're hitting their child.

Spanking doesn't work because it causes pain and fear. Instead of drawing your child over to your side of things and calmly understand and rationalizing, they're caused pain because they were bad, without ever really understanding what was bad, why they shouldn't have done it, and how not to do it in the future.

It also teaches the child to act out in violence while feeling angry or frustrated.

It causes low self esteem, depression, anxiety, social problems, and leads to abusive relationships. Platonic or not. Particularly, men abusing women and women being drawn to abusive men and abusive relationships. It also teaches the child to pass down the same punishment to their children.

You can verify this information by speaking to professionals in the psychological field and many places, such as social services, have pamphlets.

Even if you use spanking as a "last resort" because "nothing else has worked", that's not an excuse. You can turn to the internet, books, professionals, family, doctors, teachers, the child's guidance counselor, and friends for other non violent ideas.

 
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Old 01-17-2007, 09:41 AM   #2
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lawdhamurcy HB User
Re: Spanking

Quote:
Originally Posted by Msminnamouse View Post
I'm a 21 year old female. I just wanted to let all parents out there know about the damage that spanking leaves behind. Although there may be some exceptions in few individuals. Most of this is through first hand knowledge.

I have never met any well adjusted person who was spanked as a child. Spanking is hitting. People like to use the word "spank" because they don't like thinking that they're hitting their child.

Spanking doesn't work because it causes pain and fear. Instead of drawing your child over to your side of things and calmly understand and rationalizing, they're caused pain because they were bad, without ever really understanding what was bad, why they shouldn't have done it, and how not to do it in the future.

It also teaches the child to act out in violence while feeling angry or frustrated.

It causes low self esteem, depression, anxiety, social problems, and leads to abusive relationships. Platonic or not. Particularly, men abusing women and women being drawn to abusive men and abusive relationships. It also teaches the child to pass down the same punishment to their children.

You can verify this information by speaking to professionals in the psychological field and many places, such as social services, have pamphlets.

Even if you use spanking as a "last resort" because "nothing else has worked", that's not an excuse. You can turn to the internet, books, professionals, family, doctors, teachers, the child's guidance counselor, and friends for other non violent ideas.


My father spanked me when I was a kid, and I tell you what, I thank god that he did now. I am 26 years old. Although I didn't understand then, I do now. I wouldn't be the person that I am now if it weren't for my father. (Which is really my step-father, but he is DAD to me)

I am one of those people that believe there is a difference between spanking and hitting. Spanking/Whipping are just what they are. A form of discipline.

Hitting on the other hand (In my opinion) is slapping, punching, kicking etc which I don't believe is right for children.

 
Old 01-17-2007, 10:31 AM   #3
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Spanking

Ms. Mouse, I agree with you!

 
Old 01-17-2007, 10:58 AM   #4
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Re: Spanking

I guess I shouldn't turn this into a debate but...

Definition
spank Show phonetics
verb [T]
1 to hit a child with the hand, usually several times on the bottom as a punishment

2 to hit an adult on the bottom in order to get or give sexual pleasure

(from Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary)

Pronunciation: 'spa[ng]k
Function: transitive verb
Etymology: imitative
: to strike especially on the buttocks with the open hand
- spank noun

Merriam Webster Dictionary.

Main Entry: 1strike
Pronunciation: 'strIk
Function: verb
2 a : to aim and usually deliver a blow, stroke, or thrust (as with the hand, a weapon, or a tool) b : to arrive with detrimental effect <disaster struck> c : to attempt to undermine or harm something as if by a blow <struck at...cherished notions -- R. P. Warren>

I don't see much difference. A spank hurts. A slap hurts. Interchange the words but, to me, the definitions stay the same.

Edited to add:

The act of spanking is aggressive and an angry act. Chances are that if you spank, you're also yelling and displaying other punishments detrimental to your child's emotional well being.

Last edited by Msminnamouse; 01-17-2007 at 11:03 AM. Reason: Forgot to add something

 
Old 01-17-2007, 11:26 AM   #5
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Re: Spanking

I agree. Spanking is hitting is violence. Put yourself in the child's position. Let's say a child is 3 feet tall and an adult is 6 feet tall, twice the size. Now, let's say you are 6 feet tall. How would you like someone 12 feet tall coming over to you and spanking you? Would it not be terrifying? If the child is only 2feet tall the 6 footer is 3 times as big. How would you feel if someone 24 feet tall came over to you and even threatening to spank you? You'd probably wet your pants! You think a child feels any different? You think a child is reasoning, "oh, I did something wrong I'm being punished, its for my own good." No way! There are much better ways of disciplining a child and there is plenty of reading material about it.

 
Old 01-17-2007, 12:57 PM   #6
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Re: Spanking

HIGH 5 Msminnamouse could not agree with you anymore.

 
Old 01-17-2007, 04:59 PM   #7
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Re: Spanking

I'm just really happy that I could maybe change some people's minds about this.

The few times one of my parents would sit down and calmly discuss some thing with me, I would always remember it and felt that I WANTED to behave to make them happy. If I was hit, I resented them and found no reason to comply.

 
Old 01-17-2007, 06:12 PM   #8
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Spanking

Ms. Mouse, keep talking, there are a lot of people out there who need to be convinced!

 
Old 01-18-2007, 04:55 AM   #9
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Re: Spanking

Sorry, I totally disagree. I was raised by a loving mom and dad who spanked about 90% of the time for our misdeeds. That's what they knew, I won't argue with the results. As a mom of 3 girls, I use spanking to as a last resort, for direct defiance, dangerous situations, and breaking our "core" rules. Sounds like a lot, however it's not, not by a long shot. In our home a spanking for our girls is quite rare, but does happen.

Unlike my parents, I use other methods for minor misdeeds, and save spankings for "things I can't have".

Sure you can bring up the definition of a spanking as hitting. As a child, and now a parent, I separate the two. IMHO I think of hitting like you walk up and slug someone, there is a lot of anger, hostility, and stress involved. The word violence makes me think of murder, rape, or a brutal attack. At the very least something that draws blood. None of the above mentioned happens during a spanking (at least not in our home, and if it does in another home, that's called abuse, not spanking).

I don't agree with the modern day idea that spanking is abuse. Children these days are lacking many qualities. Is spanking a reason, IMHO it's a good part of it, but not all. Parents have spanked their children for years with very positive effects. Of course everyone has the right to chose how they want to raise their own children. I will stick with generations of success over the "new age" words of doctors, phiciatrist's, or other PhDs. A highly educated person doesn't mean that individual is going to make a great parent. Forgive me if I error on the side of results.

 
Old 01-18-2007, 05:41 AM   #10
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Re: Spanking

I agree lovebeingamom.

 
Old 01-18-2007, 08:49 AM   #11
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Re: Spanking

Just because people in the past have always done something for centuries doesn't mean that it is correct. Some examples: slavery, that a man could beat his wife and children (his property), that women have no power, etc.

I don't know why a person would do something to her child that she would never agree was okay in other situations. It sounds absurd that an employer would spank his employee. There are other ways to get children to behave. To continue to spank everyday when you admit that it doesn't work doesn't sound right!

Last edited by Sannah; 01-18-2007 at 08:49 AM.

 
Old 01-18-2007, 10:25 AM   #12
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keyboardplaya HB User
Re: Spanking

As I said in another thread:

Parents also spank sometimes with the excuse that "this is how my parents raised me." First of all, that implies that the parent is perfect and is a prime example of perfect upbringing, even though this is obviously far from the truth. Another aspect of this excuse is telling the kid that it could be worse. Yes, my mother used this excuse, many times telling me stories about the way her mother treated her. And, as anyone else would react, I thought "I'm not you, and you're not your mother." Just because it could be worse doesn't mean it's right. This reasoning also implies that the parent just doesn't know any better and can't think of a more effective way to discipline the child. As a child, I took my mother's excuse as a way of blaming me for HER problems, or at least making me suffer for HER suffering. Also, I actually get along with her mother, so I ended up thinking that what my mother said was B.S.

 
Old 01-18-2007, 04:35 PM   #13
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Re: Spanking

I have never met any well adjusted person who was spanked as a child.

I have to say, you probably haven't met very many people then. There are a lot of people in this world that were spanked and I'd say most of them are well adjusted adults.

Instead of drawing your child over to your side of things and calmly understand and rationalizing, they're caused pain because they were bad, without ever really understanding what was bad, why they shouldn't have done it, and how not to do it in the future.

Who says that people that spank their children sometimes don't also talk to them?? You are assuming that people spank their children but don't speak to them or talk to them about what they did or what they should do in the future. That assumption is very big and very wrong.

It causes low self esteem, depression, anxiety, social problems, and leads to abusive relationships. Platonic or not. Particularly, men abusing women and women being drawn to abusive men and abusive relationships.

Again this is one HUGE ***arre assumption. Abuse can indeed lead to these things. Discipline on the other hand does not. For example, I have 4 brothers. None of us have low self esteem, depression, anxiety, social problems, or have been in abusive relationships.

How on earth would you equate men abusing women with being spanked?? I'm sorry but that doesn't fit in any way. Men usually learn to abuse from seeing their mothers being abused by other men. That's a whole other discussion.

Do I spank my kids. Once in a blue moon. Do I believe it's wrong - no. Am I going to sit here and try to defend myself against people who believe it's wrong, no.
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Old 01-19-2007, 02:50 PM   #14
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Re: Spanking

I find it interesting that it is usually the people who don't believe in spanking that believe they are right, and anyone who choses to spank their child is a monster. You would never see somebody post a message on this board begging people to spank their kids, but non-spankers feel it is their duty and right to educate everybody else.

I was spanked as a child and I have had successful career, I own a home, I am in a wonderful marriage with a wonderful husband (who was also spanked as a child) and I have 3 wonderful (well, most of the time) kids. My sister is 10 years younger than I am, and my parents were not as strict with her. She may have been spanked two or three times. My parents opted for the time-outs and trying to reason with her. She is a single mom, who at 24 years old, still lives at home. She has had a string of minimum wage jobs, she doesn't have any initiative to better herself, and she expects my parents to take care of her and her son. She takes absolutely no responsibility for her own life. She barely even helps around the house. My mom has to yell at her like she's still in junior high to get her to do dishes or even clean her own room.

 
Old 01-19-2007, 06:27 PM   #15
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Re: Spanking

I am the mom of 3 well adjusted young men. Who would never abuse women. And the women they are with got spankings and would never tolerate being abused by a man. One has graduated college and the other two are still in college. The older two got their fair share of spankings. With my youngest all you had to do was look at him and he got the message. The oldest two now laugh at their spankings and tell me they probably should have got more. While spanking doesn't work for everyone it is unfair of anyone to be critical of anothers parenting style. There is a huge difference between abusing a child and "spanking". I am sure that will open a can of worms but
spanking from a loving parent is not abuse.

 
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