So me and DH are flying to Hawaii next month without DS and we got to talking about what would happen if god forbid we both passed away, where would DS go? DH said not to worry DS would just go to his grandparents house to live but I dont feel comfortable with that. I would much prefer he go live with my cousin and her family who live about 2000 miles form us. So we have been discussing this for about a week and havent come up with a solution. DH is set on DS going to my MIL house. I just dont think that is the best place to raise a child(DS is only 18 months old). Have any of you gone through this? how did you find a common ground? what would happen to DS if we didnt have anything in writing? would the courts decide where he goes? ugggghhh help!
If you don't have it written into your will then the courts will ask who wants the child and then the judge will decide who he/she thinks is best for the child.
We have it written into our will. My brother will take the kids. We've asked db and his wife and they've said yes. That is something you just must get done and into writing! So many people don't think about things like that.
Sometimes people "want" the kids just to get to the $$ from the estate. It's sad but it happens a lot.
My mother in low push us to make a will after my dd was born otherwise kid will stay in foster care until court will decide where she will go.
My brother is first choice 'cause he is younger and touch wood doing well financial and his brother is second choice. They are agree on that. Our parents is getting old, so they weren't considered, may be as a last resort.
I think that with my kids there might be a huge fight between my ex and my mom. I know the court would put them with him but he would have to allow visitation or something because my girls would rather go to my mom than their dad any day.
I wish it was an easier situation for my kids if something ever happened to me. But there isn't much I could do about it even if it were in my will to have them go to my parents.
We decided to have it written into our wills shortly after ds was born 6 years ago after a similar discussion about what would happen to him. I personally thought (and dh agreed) that our families (well, moms ) would fight about who should have custody. After talking about it and asking her, we decided that we would want my older sister to be his guardian. We now have a 9 month old daughter as well... does anyone know if I need to update our wills to include two children - or is that assumed? I guess I'll need to pull it out and check. My sister also has a copy of the wills and we told her where our original is in case of an emergency. It's such an awful thought to think about your kids being raised by someone other than you, so it's not something a lot of people want to deal. I would definitely make a decision as soon as possible and get it in writing. Have fun on your trip!
To make things as easy as possible you should have a will drafted to cover custody issues in the event of the worst happening. My parents will take my dd in case DH and I pass away. It's scary to think about but it really needs done. I know that there would be a huge battle for custody if there wasn't a will. DH and I agree that my parents would be the best option for dd.
luvmykids...yes you should update your will. My lawyer told me with every child that comes along the will has to be updated.
Thanks for the responses everyone. We have decided the best place for DS would be with my cousin, even though it will be moving him about 2000 miles from his grandmas. Now the hard part is telling the grandmas, I know both of them probabley assume we want him to go to them. I know my mom will handle it better because it is her neice getting him and her family lives near there. DH's mom is another story. She has never been back east and doesnt know anyone out there and the worse part of it is she just bought a house here in our town to be closer to the grandchildren (I am 7 months pregnant). OH well, DH says he is just going to put it in the will and not tell her and if god forbid we die she will find out the hard way!! I think that is just mean. What do you think?
I wouldn't be telling her. If it would cause hard feelings now that could affect her relationship with her grandkids it's not worth it. Hopefully it will never happen so why make a fight out of it early?
Let her enjoy her grandkids without all that extra stuff.
I agree that you shouldn't tell her. If she moved closer to you to be near the grandkids, if anything happened to you she could do it again. I think it may cause hard feelings. If she asks then I would tell her, but otherwise I wouldn't. The only people that know my sister will be my kids' guardian are my sister (obviously) and my mom.
Im glas ive found this thread because ive been thinking the same thing,what will happen to my son.
Iam not married to his father we are split and i am a single mum.Ihave heard that the first person your child will go to is your mother if you are not married as she is next of kin.Even the dad cant legally have him because he isnt my husband?
is this true?
Good question. My husband and I asked my sister to be our DS's Godmother. Meaning if we pass away she would take her. We discussed this after our DS was born and had to make this formal, so we spoke to both our parents and siblings and told them how we felt. My sister lives 10 min from his parents and next door to my parents so both grandparents would have access to her. We decided upon my sister cause she lost her three year old daughter last year and was a fantastic mother. She has a wonderful job and her own house. Financially she is doing well and our DS adores her.
Most importantly you have to choose someone you trust and someone your DS will be comfortable with. In a tagic situation children are devestated and need to be with people they feel safe with.
As far as I always understood it the godparents were not automaticly going to be the people that would get yoru child/childern when and if you passed away. They are simply makeing a commitment that your childern will be continued to be raised in your faith. At least that is what I was taught.
To have someone be their legal gardian you have to have that in your will or it will be the courts that decide.
My husband and I could never agree, he wanted his brother I wanted my sister. So we never did do anything about it. Luckly, knock wood we are still here and our kids are now 21 and 16.
I give credit to you all that can make that decision without any problems.