Yesterday my 4 y.old tore appart beutiful expensive pop-up pictures book, she did it before as well. Normally it happened at night. She was saying that she doesn't like them. But she used to like when I was reading books to her. My dh thinks that we should take her to psychologist.
Any advices welcome.
She told me that she wants to look at the book after I finished reading it and I've trusted her. That what I will have to do - hide.
My dh afraid of me hitting her, he has some theories that it could be worse.
how about a swat on the butt, and keep the books out of her reach when she goes to bed? I really don't think this is something that warrants therapy, do you?
I agree. If it has happened multiple times, and she has been disciplined (time out, priviledges taken away, etc) and she does it again, a swat might get her attention. If you really don't want to spank her, then maybe no more storytime for a few days- if she really values storytime.
A swat on the butt will do nothing to address the real issue. You need to try and figure out what the motivation is behind this behavior. She won't be able to tell you, you have to become a detective. But, for sure, there is motivation behind every behavior. She is telling you something and you need to figure it out. It may have to do with some need not being met. Maybe she's angry at you for some reason. I suggest you start by not letting her have the book after reading time is over. If she asks for it, simply say no. There are some other approaches you can use such as giving her an old book that can be torn up and ask her if she wants to tear it up with you. And then talk about the experience of tearing it up. That might allow her to shed a bit of light on the motivation. A counselor might be useful but I would recommend one that specializes in play therapy or sand tray therapy both of which are effective for children at that age. Good luck.
kids like to push boundries. My son has tore up the odd book, the way i fixed it was to take the books out of his bedroom and onto a bookshelf in the living area where i could see him with them. it only happend twice. after i moved the books out of his room it happened once more while i was out of sight so, all the books got taken away and after a week of him asking for his books i put them back but he was told that if he ripped them, they would be taken away again. he now looks after his books...
I have some books that are what i consider "good" and i keep them up high and he gets them only when i read them to him, the other books he is free to look at and read etc byhimslf, he still has to be respectful of them of course but kids are kids and turn pages roughtly so i suggest you maybe put your good books up high
Reading through some of your other posts, I think you do need to get some sort of proffessional help as she seems to have a lot of issues. Not being toilet trained, deliberate destruction of books etc is not age appropriate behaviour for a four year old. I have a 3 year old and he would not dare tear books up or destroy things just because he feels like it and he's not perfect by any means! I believe it is important to teach children respect for their 's and other peoples belongings from a young age and a four year old should know better!
So maybe she has some behavioral problems, not necessarily your fault but some issues none the less. Maybe anger issues as suggested by the previous poster ? I'm not suggesting your child is crazy, but I do think she needs to be assessed and get on top of any problems that she may have now. It's better now then later, I think.
Best of luck!
Last edited by sharkgirl30; 01-27-2007 at 01:41 AM.
Reason: spelling errors
i hope this doesnt sound really rude but i think it may not be the child that needs the professional help..qulanqt, reading some of your posts its sounds as though you give into her alot and let her get her way, this isnt her problem but you and your husbands.. children need consistancy so they know what is expected of them.. there is no point in getting professioal help for the child if you dont change some of the things you are doing.. I know in your other other thread you said you are doing a parenting class of some sort but were talking about other things, could u maybe talk to the person leading the class, afterwards about it? he/she might be able to help you, i hope you didnt find that offenisve, i really am not trying to be rude
Last edited by nikki2006; 01-27-2007 at 11:02 AM.
Reason: forgot to add something :)
I have known Galinaqt on these boards for quite some time. Galinaqt has been wrestling with some heavy issues her whole life. I can see no other outcome except that your child will be affected by your unresolved issues. Counseling would be very good for your child I think (and of course I have been suggesting counseling for you for months!) I know that you are not ready for counseling from reading your posts but maybe you can stick your foot in the door by taking your child. Remember, she only has one childhood and it is ticking away while we speak.
My husband wants to start going to child psychologist himself, while I will go to this parenting classes and read a book "Children the challenge", which we suppose to read.
I am explaining her that what she is doing is unappropriate and I will try to spend more time to have fun together and work on the issues as hard as it is.