Hi, I'm new to the board and looking for opinions and advice. My 16 yo son has been smoking pot now for a couple of years. I have told him so many times and we've had so many talks about why he shouldn't do it, but he keeps on. He has promised me that he wouldn't do it anymore on school nights or during the week, but he is very up front with me that he does it on the weekends. He buys it with his allowance and lunch money (he's not working). Recently, my husband dropped the bombshell that he is leaving us, and I am worried that things may get worse with my son's use.
I feel like I should take immediate steps to put an end to this (cutting off all money sources, not letting him go out on the weekends anymore, etc.) but I worry that this will cause even more problems (rebelling, dishonesty, etc.). One side of me feels like smoking pot is something my husband and I did just about every weekend when we were teens, and we both turned out fine (neither one of us have touched it since our kids were born). However, the other side of me worries that 1) this could lead to other drug use (as a "gateway" drug) and 2) God forbid he is busted at some point...I watched my little brother spend time in jail for possession of marijuana.
Thanks to anyone who could give me any advice on this issue.
I have a 16 yr old too. that's why I responded. My 16 yr old does not smoke pot. he and his 4 other friends are the only ones in the group who don't. i do give my son drug tests. (random) so when the peer pressure gets to be too much, he can say, my mom drug tests me, i can't take a chance...and then he's outta the loop. Sounds to me like you should have taken some action long before now. You said he's been smoking weed since he was 14.........WOW.....the weed these days is not like the weed when we were younger. (I'm 49) I have also heard of kids smoking and then having reactions......and never feeling the same. Not sure what was in the weed, if there was anything in it. I would be very concerned with further drug use if I were you. I would absolutely put my foot down and test him randomly and let him know the weed smoking days are over. if I were you, I'd also get a drug test that tests for other things, opiates, cocaine, and test for those too........you might get a surprise of your life!!!
Thanks for the advice...and you are so right, we should have put an end to it sooner. I look back and see that although our intentions were in the right place, DH and I made some bad decisions that hopefully can still be corrected.
I think random drug testing in my situation would be a very good idea. Looking into it now...I see that there are several places online to get these. Is it permissable on this board for you to share some reputable sources for them? I just had a long talk w/ my son and told him I was going to start testing him in about a month (to give his system a chance to clean out) and he seems ok with it and agrees that it is past time for him to get his life going in a forward direction with goals and not just being a "bum" forever (his words, not mine). He's really a good kid...just doesn't seem to know how to have a good time as a teen without these drugs.
That's great! Sounds like he is a very smart kid!! you did good!!! i have bought the tests at Walgreens....or the nearest drug store...the one that tests for everything is about $40...the one just for weed is $10...I test for everything. I want my son to know he can't get by with any of it!! I have a 21 yr old that i went through some tough times with, and my 16 yr old knows we won't go there again! it's up to us parents to guide these kids. they think they know it all, and know alot I know, but they ahve no idea where these drugs can take them. Most of them think it's harmless. My 21 yr old has a friend who od'd on xanax (the thing now) and drinking lots of alcohol. He was in a coma for 2 weeks. he pulled through, but now can hardly walk, talk or think. He was such a good-looking kid...but made the wrong choices...trying to get his parent's attention......now his life is all but over. My 16 yr sees what damage has been done to this boy, as he lives next door and comes over nightly to eat dinner. i cut up his food, pour his drink and finish sentences for him. Very very sad...........good luck and if I can help, just keep posting!! You'll get it all worked out!!!!
onceloved.. i think the random testing is a great idea too! and your son does sound like a smart boy!! i think you are very wise to put a stop to this. In my experience, some people can smoke pot young, for fun and never have a problem, for others, it becomes a crutch when going thru hard times, thats what you dont want to happen.
another thought.. perhaps cut down how much money you give him so that it isnt enuff to biuy the stuff with one pay? its a lot less tempting when you really havent got enuff money.. i woudlnt stop him going out alltoghther, i think if u feel he is trustwrothy, then ya gotta give him some rope.. if however the tests come back that hes been smoking, then take away privliges such as his weekends etc..
Thanks to all. Maybe I SHOULD take him to councilling. I just started going myself to try to save my marriage, and was thinking of stopping because I think the marriage cannot be saved (as much as I want to, but hubby is done, wants out, doesn't want to work on it etc...ok, I guess all that's for another board). But maybe I should keep going, but take my kids with me (I also have a 12 yo daughter). They seem like they are dealing ok with the fact that their dad is leaving us, but it has to be as confusing for them as it is for me.
Thanks again for the advice everyone. It's been a rough couple of weeks. It's good to talk about it. I have found that the bad thing about your husband being your only best friend is, if he leaves you're pretty much left with no one to talk to.
onceloved, it sounds like your son is a good kid! I really don't think you have anything to worry about with occasional pot smoking. Especially when he realizes that he could turn into a 'bum'. So if he's open to counseling than great, but I wouldn't force it and I don't agree with drug testing, but that's just my opinion. Like you said you did it as a teenager, it would be a bit hypocritical to turn this into something huge, IMHO, especially when the lines of communication are so open between you.
hi again onceloved.. hey i think counselling could be a good idea.. I have two neices struggling with there parents devorse, at first glance we all thought they were coping and doing ok, but things are showing up a year down the track and its become obvious that neither girls are handling things very well, even tho your kids trust you and feel they can talk to you about most things, somethings may make them feel torn, for example, they may not want to say something in fear that it would be offenive to your ex.. that sort of thing so having an outsider to talk to, or alteast the option of it, could be benifical for them.. its a huge change in any family and one that im sure must affect them in some ways.. hope you dont mind me saying so..
I accidently got to this thread but for some reason I feel obligated to respond. I think that drug testing may be a bad idea. I am 21 years old so I thought I could give a different perspective. I used to smoke in high school but havent smoked in a while. The reason I say drug testing could be a bad idea is that it could cause all sorts of trust issues. I always found that my friends that were being drug tested did not trust their parents 100% because their parents were not trusting them. I understand that you do not want your kids smoking but trust me, there are much worse things they could be doing. I think other alternatives such as counseling would be a much better idea.
I can relate! My son will be 17 next month and has been smoking pot and drinking for about a year. I have been lenient, somewhat, in that I wanted him to continue to be open with me about it. I hoped he would get past it. That hasn't happened and now I am considering getting him into a youth treatment program before he turns 18- so that he HAS to go.
I opted out of drug testing because I knew he'd fail and know that forbidding him to see certain friends would only make them more attractive to him.
I will keep you posted and watch for your posts- maybe we can help each other!
My heart goes out to you! I never did drugs in high school, I waited until after.
(I am 26) I think drug testing is a good idea. You already don't trust him & he knows it. He knows that what he is doing is wrong no matter how you cut it. Cut of his money. Lock up your handbag with your wallet just to be safe!!! Keep his butt on lock down for a few weeks and see if things change. Make sure that he knows that this is not allowed in your house! And it is your house!! Smoking weed and cigarettes are gateway drugs. And if he's doing it this young, there are more drugs to follow! take him to a methadone clinic or awake through of your local jail. Lots of people in jail are there b/c of drugs!!