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Old 03-01-2007, 02:07 PM   #1
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Need some advice

I have a 14 year old sister and an almost 11 year old brother. My mom works nights - when shes sleeping, the kids are in school and when shes at work, the kids are sleeping. She only sees them on the weekends. My little brother lives at grandmas house and my little sister is really busy with school and church and sports. When my mom isn't at work shes either reading or on the computer. She hasn't had her whole house clean in probably 5 years, when I moved out. Every weekend she is out at her boyfriends house. My sister spends every other weekend at dads. My brother got a note sent home saying he isn't turning in his work. When he doesnt get his homework turned in he's supposed to get a paper signed by an adult. He's at the point that he may end up repeating fifth grade.
I really feel that they would both be better off not living where they are. My mom is really self centered and only does things if they will benefit her it seems. My parents have been separated for 11 years. Dad would like my sister to go live with him but for some reason she doesn't want to. My brother doesn't get along with dad so that isn't an option for him. I'm willing to bring them out to live with me but I don't know how to approach mom. I realize that the best thing for them is not to be in the situation they are in. It's so bad at her house that if child services were called, they would both be taken away. I talked to my sister today and she says shes happy where she is but I don't see how that can be. I wonder if she is afraid of upsetting mom or if maybe she really just doesnt care.
I guess I just don't know what to do. Or how to approach mom with my concerns. Any advice is appreciated.

 
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Old 03-01-2007, 02:38 PM   #2
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Re: Need some advice

confrustrated,
It might be a good idea if you simply stated to your mom that you believe your siblings are not in the best of situations as it is now and that you are willing to take them, if in fact you are. Your mom might refuse at first, but at least she will know that possibility exists. As she thinks about it, maybe she will soften to the idea.

As far as your sister saying she is happy, she is more likely defending your mother and it would be very difficult for her to state that she would want to come and live with you.

But, again, once the idea of them coming to live with you is on the table, it's salt in the soup. or a seed that's been sewn. Nothing is quite the same afterwards - but it could take some time for anything to happen.

 
Old 03-01-2007, 04:20 PM   #3
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Re: Need some advice

Maybe try approaching the subject by telling your mom you know she's under a lot of stress, and you want to help make things easier for her. And by having your siblings come to live with you, she will not have as much pressure.

I think you are a wonderfully caring big sister . Good luck, I hope things work out for you all.

 
Old 03-01-2007, 05:02 PM   #4
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Re: Need some advice

Truth be told, she ISN'T under a lot of stress. Well she has work, but she is really self centered. If it doesn't concern mom it isn't a big deal. That's been her mind set since my sister was old enough to 'take care of herself.' Fourteen is too young to have to take on the world. If they were to live with me it would be for them and not her...I think she would know that too.
My boyfriend and I just bought a big ol' country house with three bedrooms. We have the room but we are also TTC. This makes my head spin and my heart heavy

 
Old 03-02-2007, 07:46 AM   #5
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Re: Need some advice

Hi Confrustrated, you do sound like a wonderful sister! Maybe your sister wants to live with your mom because children really are attached to their parents no matter what. Even abused children frequently don't want to leave their parents. It is sad that your mother is self-centered. I have some personal experience with that! You must have suffered living with your mom too? Can your sibs spend the evenings at your house?

 
Old 03-02-2007, 08:19 AM   #6
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Re: Need some advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by confrustrated View Post
Truth be told, she ISN'T under a lot of stress. Well she has work, but she is really self centered. If it doesn't concern mom it isn't a big deal. That's been her mind set since my sister was old enough to 'take care of herself.' Fourteen is too young to have to take on the world. If they were to live with me it would be for them and not her...I think she would know that too.
My boyfriend and I just bought a big ol' country house with three bedrooms. We have the room but we are also TTC. This makes my head spin and my heart heavy
I understand what you're saying, but if your mom is as self-centered as you say, then she probably DOES think her life is stressful, and taking care of your siblings adds to that stress. Do you see what I'm getting at? You don't have to believe yourself that she's under a lot of pressure or stress, but if you approach the situation by making her think you are "takinging her side" and "empathizing" with her, and that you have "her best interests" in mind, she may be more willing to send your brother and sister to you. However, if you approach this by telling her it's whats best for your siblings, she will likely take it as an attack against her, and will get you nowhere. Does that make sense?

 
Old 03-03-2007, 07:47 AM   #7
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Re: Need some advice

Sounds like your mom would prob be happy for them to live with you. she's not acting like a responsible parent, prob never has from reading your post. there are lots of parents out there the same way. I think you're a great person for wanting to do this and realizing that what's going on isn't good. I would first have them over to your house and let them spend time with you and then approach the question. that's all their used to. and teenagers like all that freedom........they think is freedom....your mom prob doesn't have a clue what's going on in their lives......hang in there.
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Old 03-06-2007, 04:21 PM   #8
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Re: Need some advice

Ok so I just picked up my brother. He's gonna be staying with me for awhile now. I told mom it's because he needs someone who will make sure he gets his school work done and keeps him away from the tv. Lets hope this works. Now that means I have to get up by 7 each morning lol I work from the home so it really didn't matter when I got up. Thanks for your advice!

 
Old 03-07-2007, 07:41 AM   #9
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Re: Need some advice

Confrustrated, that was easy! Good luck!

 
Old 03-07-2007, 08:48 AM   #10
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Re: Need some advice

Confrustrated,
Good for you. I hope that your brother flourishes with you. And again, I just want to tell you what an amazing young woman you are to WANT to take on this kind of responsibility .

 
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