my 13,almost 14 y/o daughter is failing!Her school called me yesterday to say that she might not graduate.Oh they will let her go on to high school,just not cross the stage,like that makes it better.We have recently moved to a small town about 25 minutes from where we did live.I allowed her to continue going to school there,and now I have to decide if I am going to let her go to the high school all her friends are going to,or if I am going to put her in the high school here.It is much smaller and I think she can get some help.I have been sending her to after school tutoring at the school,but they don't actually do any tutoring.I am going today to enroll her in one of those tutoring centers(which I really can't afford).I do have anxiety and I worry that that affects her.She definately doesn't have it herself.She is a very bright,social,happy person.I work nights and her daddy works days,so we are always home with her.I also have a 9 y/o daughter that doesn't have these problems.What my oldest seems to be lacking is the caring that she is failing.My husband is not supporting my decision to enroll her here and I have to make a decision this week because of the class scheduling.I am so confused.My daughter is very spoiled and used to gettting her way.Now she is not speaking to me.I have taken away her cell phone,grounded her until further notice,and lectured her how deeply upset and concerned for her future.I am afraid she is going to be unable to get a diploma if she keeps this up!How do you make someone care about school and am I doing the right thing changing schools at the high school level.I feel so mean.It is hard enough to start high school,but not knowing anyone!AUGH...she is also smart enough to play off my anxiety and make me feel SO guilty.Any suggestions?
A mother at her witts end!!
I think taking away all of her privledges is a good start. Maybe tell her that if she is able to make SIGNIFICANT improvements between now and the end of the school year, she can go to high school with her friends. Have her talk to her teachers and see about extra credit, anything SHE can do to fix HER situation. She made the choices to not keep her grades up, so these are her consequences. And then once in high school, it will be on a semester by semester basis. If she doesn't maintain a certain GPA (I think 3.0 is reasonable) she will transfer. Maybe that will help. Also in high school that all important driver's license is a good privledge to hold over her head. I know my parents did! If she doesn't make an improvement, stand your ground and transfer her. Then you can allow her to earn the right to transfer back if she keeps her grades up once high school starts.
What are her friends grades like? Is she hanging out with others who are also failing? If that's the case, then it wouldn't matter, I would transfer her anyways. She is going to behave as her peers behave for the most part.
Don't let the fact that she is mad at you bother you. Remember, your job is to do what is right for her, and what is right may not always make her happy.
I don't think that is necessarily always true. When I was 16 my grades fell because I was being rebellious. When my sister was 13 or 14, hers fell because of the crowd she hung out with. None of them cared about grades, so neither did she.
Lisa, this is my point, why were you feeling rebellious? Why was your sister hanging out with a crowd that didn't care about school? You see this is what happened to me. I was from a dysfunctional family and I didn't think that I deserved to hang out with "good" kids even though I wanted to. I didn't think that I was good enough. I got in with a crowd and my grades dropped and I was skipping school and smoking pot. I was a follower and was very unhappy. I think that it is natural for a person to want to do well in whatever they enjoy. Everyone enjoys something. I have never met or heard about a child who was doing poorly in school who wasn't having other problems. I have a huge interest in this stuff and have been reading/watching this stuff for decades.
Lisa, this is my point, why were you feeling rebellious? Why was your sister hanging out with a crowd that didn't care about school?
I didn't feel like doing homework, and my mom telling me to do it made me want to do it even less. It was a classic power struggle. My home life was very happy. As for my sister, she thought those kids were "cool" and wanted to fit in with them. It was a phase. A lot of kids go through phases like that, and it doesn't necessarily mean there is something emotionally wrong with them. I agree with you that for some kids, their really is a problem, but that isn't always the case. I think our society tries to label too many things as emotional problems, when sometimes, it's just kids trying to assert some independence. It's up to parents to know their children well enough to know the difference.