mother of 27 yo daughter who does not speak to her
Hello, This is my first post since I found this board a few days ago. I am a 57 yo mother, teacher who lives in Tennessee. My only child put the family through hell when growing up. Wrecked 3 cars, became an alcoholic and drug addict. We bailed her out of everything. We live in a small town where everyone knows everyone--and certain families don't do certain things. So our daughter was protected from many of her lawbreaking incidents because of who she was. Drunk driving--the police call us to come get her--no charges..happened 4 times. She finally ran afoul of the law in the neighboring county. 2 DUIs. Second one meant jail time, so she got a sweetheart deal and agreed to go to New York for a one year program of rehab. It was like a tweeners Betty Ford clinic. Very nice. Christian based. While there she got clean, became a Christian evangelical-type, and accepted an offer for a one year's internship as Director of Education. This rehab is the best in the country with a 97 percent success rate for the one year plan. It costs a small fortune but was well worth it. Daughter finished her internship on Feb 2 and got married to a man from Long Island on Feb 10. We had to hire wedding planner to give her her dream wedding. We were on the Pay Up, Show Up, Shut Up plan. It was lovely nonetheless. Daughter and I have since had problems communicating. Only child, spoiled by us, and very strong willed and selfish where parents are concerned. For the last 2 weeks she has refused to take my phone calls or read my textmessages. She wants no communication until she is ready. Then she will call. I gave her some unwanted advice. (that is anything she does not want to hear). I love her dearly but I feel as though I am being punished for caring too much, and feel that I have totally been used. How can she love me and not want to even talk to me. The longer she waits to call the worse it will be. I vascillate between anger and sorrow over her loss. Is there anyone out there who has had trouble with an adult child and has been through this before. Please share what you did. Do I sit here and wait like a lap dog and take her back with thankfulness that she is talking to me again or do I get on with my own life and try to slowly or rapidly get myself to stop letting her darken my life with her absence. I am very sad and mad at the same time.
Re: mother of 27 yo daughter who does not speak to her
Mary, to get a better picture of what is going on here do you mind telling us what the "unwanted advice" was? Whenever I hear someone describe someone else as "strong willed" or stubborn to me this means that the person who is being called this just wants to run their own life.
Re: mother of 27 yo daughter who does not speak to her
I will be your daughter if she doesn't want to be anymore!!!
I think you have given your daughter way too much! Give her the time she needs. She will always "need" something from you from the sounds of your relationship. She sounds just like my husband, a taker. His parents are always there to bail him out.
Me on the other hand,I have had to work for everything i have ever had. My parents could care less if i or my family is in need. I think it is funny. I am the black sheep of my family, yet I have never been arrested, I am married, with a three year old, I don't drink (can't really, medical reasons) . I did party back in my early twenty's (now 26). Just to tell you how much my parents dislike me, My sister (just turned 18) wanted to go to college in the same city as me. She was not aloud, b/c I am a bad influence! I am not sure when I am going to have the time to turn my sister into a bad person! I go to college myself, married, have a three year old, Plus I am pregnant with twins! Agh! Sorry for the rant! I just wanted to vent a bit!.
About to you, just cut her off. don't be there when she needs something, and she will stop using you. I can't image being that ungrateful!
