Should I worry that my 4 y. old dd is constantly lying. If I asked her why she wet the bet. She would say father or grandfather did it. She ate food and needed icecream, when she actually didn't eat food and so on?
How can I stop it?
My mom taught us by turning the tables on us. We had all three starting lying and so she told us if we were all very very good, when we were done our errands, she would get us ice cream. When we got home after being angles, and had no ice cream, she explained "I lied". We got the point
Yes, you should worry, but not only you, the whole family. Isn't she in daycare, too? Do they report to you that she is also lying to them while she is there? If so, many other people are involved here, but of course as a parent, it is up to you to first tackle with it. On the other hand, you don't need to lose your temper. Even the best children will occasionally lie to their parents.
By all measures, I think you have got a precocious child. I can't remember if my children, when they were four, were in the habit of telling lies. Maybe they made up stories, characters, etc, but those were not strictly lies.
I agree with Sannah. I think your daughter lies perhaps because she is afraid of being punished or scolded for something she has done and you don't approve of. Don't intimidate her, if you ever do.
Or perhaps the rules in your home are slack in such a way that she often sees an adult breaking them and getting away with it. I think the adults must set the examples, if you see what I mean. It is not enough to tell her the rules; everybody must comply.
I think you should go on explaining to her the consequences of whatever she does. She may not understand everything, but she will eventually get the gist of it. Tell her that she may eventually get everything she wants, but she has to be patient and she must cooperate.
Create the habit of talking to your daughter as much as possible. Ask her what her day was like, encourage her to speak, in order to build trust between her and you.
[QUOTE=pendulum;3022987]Yes, you should worry, but not only you, the whole family. Isn't she in daycare, too? Do they report to you that she is also lying to them while she is there? If so, many other people are involved here, but of course as a parent, it is up to you to first tackle with it. On the other hand, you don't need to lose your temper. Even the best children will occasionally lie to their parents.]
My Goodness, she's four!!! I think it's very normal. You are right, she might be doing it to escape being punished, but kids at that age have great imaginations. To say that the whole family needs to worry...that's taking it a little too seriously in my opinion. Yes, talk to her. Tell her it's not right. Explain to her that people won't believe her even when she is telling the truth because she has a habit of lying. When she does start to tell a questionable "story", stop her and ask her if this is the truth before she proceeds. Remind her how you feel about lying. That "story" may change.
I don't think it's something you need to be overly concerned about just now. Of course, talk to her and encourage her. But I also believe it's very normal for her age.
My son went through the lying phase in the 3-4 range. My husband was adament the we fix it immediately. I was not as serious about it.. but we discussed it and decided to curtail it as a united front. My son learned that to lie is very serious, because if you lie people will stop believing you and no longer trust you. The whole "Cry Wolf" situation. He stopped when he realized, daddy was going to spank him for blatant lies. He watches and knows when we know and will fess up accordingly. Lying is serious.. but it is hard to break the habit. It is also hard to find the line at that age between pretend and lie. Playing pretend and dreaming will become big to the child at age 4 as well.
If we learn by our mistakes, I am working on one hell of an education.
... To say that the whole family needs to worry...that's taking it a little too seriously in my opinion. ...
You are right: to involve the whole family seems to be taking it a little too seriously. But somehow I wanted to ease the mother's burden - she is certainly not the only one dealing with the little girl - and then the little girl may be seeing other adults doing "wrong" things (like eating icecream between meals) and getting away with it.