I just found out from a friend (whose son is in many of my 7th grade son's classes) that he cries (or tears up) at the drop of a hat over things such as not getting an A on a paper or getting an answer wrong in class discussion. This seems to be a weekly occurance and has made him the target of teasing although he never discusses that with his dad or me.
He is a high achiever and expects too much of himself.
I know when children are over acheivers they tend to be very hard on themselves and demand perfection. When things don't go their way they need a way to relieve their stress. For your son it comes out in his crying.
The only suggestion I have for you is for you and your husband to sit down with your son and talk to him. Let him know that you will love him whether or not he gets an A or whatever. See if he may have some interests other than academics that he can try out. The most important thing is try to get him to talk and open up with you.
We've talked with him but he is such a compliant kid I think he just tell us what he thinks we want to hear. I'm not sure what we say really registers.
He does other activities besides school but acts the same way. He has gotten teary eyed when he has struck out in baseball or struggled with a form in Karate.
I grew up with a perfectionist mom and have worked very hard not to be like her with my kids. Maybe it's just in the genes. I need to find a way to get my son not to take everything so seriously.
I know when children are over acheivers they tend to be very hard on themselves and demand perfection. When things don't go their way they need a way to relieve their stress. For your son it comes out in his crying.
This is true. Hard for a boy tho, but the point I am making is that is doesn't matter if he knows it isn't the end of the world or not, it is almost involuntary. He will learn to control it as he gets older.
I was very much the same way and crying in front of others made me feel even worse about what ever the situation was.. it took a friends mom who was a counselor to help me laugh instead. People respect those that can laugh and learn from their mistakes and laughter is contagious.. beat others to the punch. Live and let live. Try and work on getting your son to laugh instead.. it is a wonderful release if you can channel it. I did it all.. athletics, academics, martial arts.. still do to this day.
Talk to your son.. tell him there is nothing wrong with being sensitive it is a blessing it means you are perceptive and aware of that going on around you.. offer to help him channel it differently and ask him to try laughing and thinking of something amusing next time he is disappointed. My favorite imagery.. beating my brother with a stick until he popped open and candy spilled out.. he was older and we had issues. Anyway.. just let him know no matter what you are there and will love him unconditionally.
Respectfully,
MG
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If we learn by our mistakes, I am working on one hell of an education.
I don't believe he is depressed. I've made a Dr.'s appt for him however, to get a physical to rule out anything medical. I'll bring it up with his doctor.
MG, I have actually talked to him about using humor in those situations where he felt himself getting emotional. We sort of role played and he came up with several good "one liners" that I believe would have taken him out of the moment where he felt emotional.
Would love to hear how this turns out. My 7 yo is having the same issues and his teacher and I had two conferences before the end of the year because she was concerned. We did not come up with any answers, but I did talk to his pediatrician to rule out anything physical. The dr. thought this could be sign of an anxiety disorder, so we're looking into that.
Is he going through puberty? He is around the right age, and oh boy, do they get emotional around that time. That coupled with his high achiever syndrome, lol, could be causing the problem. I also am interested in what you find out/do with him about this. My 11 y/o is starting the same thing. This is a new thing isn't it?
