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Old 06-16-2007, 11:00 PM   #1
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9 year old playing with older kids

Hi everyone

Where we live, there are no children the same age as my 9 year old son, within close proximity. He has befriended 2 boys that live up the road, one aged 13 and the other 14. He plays with them at the front and they ride their bikes up the road. I am not very comfortable with him hanging out with such an older crowd, but I don't know if It would be too harsh not to let him around them at all. What should I do, do I limit the play time to a small amount of time or not let him around them at all or am I being too overprotective. I'm just not sure on this one. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Old 06-17-2007, 06:50 AM   #2
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Re: 9 year old playing with older kids

I think that the playing around in the street where you can sort of see what is going on is OK. It is nice that they are friendly (if they are good kids). I wouldn't let him go off with them into the distance on their bikes tho, he is a bit young for that. As long as he accepts this, there should be no problem.

 
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Old 06-17-2007, 01:25 PM   #3
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Re: 9 year old playing with older kids

It depends on what kind of kids they are. My son is 14 and if he accepted a 9yr old riding around with him and his friends it would be okay because they are good kids and aren't into any trouble.

However, some 14yr olds could be very bad influences. Do you know these boys? Have them over for movies, snacks, etc?

If you know the boys and trust them, I think it wouldn't be a big deal for your son to be riding bikes with them. I agree with Seraph though that your son might be a little too young to be going too far off with them.
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Old 06-22-2007, 01:27 PM   #4
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Re: 9 year old playing with older kids

Hello,

I think that it's also very important to tell you son your concerns and let him tell you what they do and talk about. Of course keep the conversation on a 9 yr. old level....but he's old enough to talk to about drugs and bad influences and things like that. I wasn't into a lot of bad things when I was young, but my mom and my neighbor's mom smoked and we introduced ourselves to cigarettes at that age (10) so, always be aware of that. It started a habit that I picked up again and lasted for years....

Anyway, communication with him is key. Just be careful of how you approach him. He's probably working against you for his freedom. I know I knew just what my mom wanted to hear not long after elementary school. It sounds like these boys are in high school, probably dating girls, definately going through, or already gone through, puberty....I don't want to be negative at all, but just aware. They also could be respectable kids, but you never know unless you ask your son(or invite them over like someone else mentioned--good advice ). He could look up to them more than he does you just because that's how kids are at that age.

Just follow your gut. If it feels uncomfortable but you don't wanna make him feel like the little kid who can't do anything then just keep him too busy to play most of the time. Give him chores and then reward him with picking something out at the store (once a week, twice a mo...whatever you feel appropriate) money, bowling, sports, excercise with you(like a walk somewhere interesting).....you get it! And then talk to him a lot openly about his interests and throw in where you can the choices you'd be proud of him for making and show him that you are proud of the good choices he makes. It'll make him think when he has choices to make that he likes it when you are proud and he'll know exactly what to do to make you and himself proud. When he goes in the wrong direction, that's ok as long as he feels he can tell you if he's uncomfortable. I felt the openness to tell my mom I tried smoking and she got very upset and told me how she couldn't trust me and followed me around the house....very un-called for. But she should've seen that I was being honest with her, so she COULD trust me!! Her reaction really caused me to shut down and learn to lie better! Now I'm a 27 yr. old mother of 2 and I'm going to try to do things differently, of course....who doesn't! But I want to be more aware of things, including the way my behavior affects them! And I want to realize when I do react inappropiately I can always tell them that I realize it and appologize to show them that I make mistakes and bad choices too and it's ok.

I sure do ramble, I hope someone benefits from my point-of-view and opinions.....take care!

 
Old 06-24-2007, 05:42 AM   #5
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Re: 9 year old playing with older kids

yeah I have always had this problem with my 12 year old son. I think they sometimes like to look upto the older boys, and feel its more cool to be in an older gang. But I know exactly how you feel.

The thing is I can't watch every kid my son hangs out with, as long as they are good older lads, and not smoking, swearing and spitting in the street, then thats all good.

If you were to tell your son not to hang out with these boys, he will still hang out with them, as he doesn't see their age as a bad thing.

 
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