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Old 06-22-2007, 08:24 AM   #1
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Child with emotional special needs?

Hello! I have a situation in my home that I don't know how to handle. I am a divorced mother of three. (Ages 3,5, and 8). My boyfriend and his daughter have lived with us for almost one year. (She is 4). This is my problem...
This little four year old is a very smart and sweet little girl, however, I believe she has emotional problems or something of the sort. She is unable to entertain herself and follows me around all day everyday. She seems to need my constant approval. If one of my children does something good and I compliment them she is right there repeating what they just did to get a compliment too. (It's not that I never give her praise either - it's just that she seems to need ALL the praise.) She constantly needs to inform me of what my children are doing -I DON'T CARE!!!! She also likes to tattle on them - little things that don't matter. She is VERY BOSSY also.
Recently I've caught her physically hurting my three year old and saying things to her like "I hate you" and "Your soo stupid" when she doesn't think that I can see or hear her. My eight year old has noticed this and it drives her crazy - she spends ALOT of time at her dad's house ( my ex lives 2 blocks away) because she gets followed around alot too and wants to be left alone. I don't blame her for not wanting to be here.
I'm afraid to say anything to my boyfriend in fear of hurting his feelings. Plus, instead of listening to my feelings and concerns I know he'll go on the defensive and attack me by critisizing my children. (I don't think he likes my five year old very much - he has no patience with her.) About one month ago his daughter pushed my three year old off the outside play tower (About 5 feet) on purpose. I told him about it and he did nothing. If roles were reversed he would of yelled big time at one of my kids. He has spanked my three year old before but yet I've never seen him do any form of punnishment on his child.
I am very frustrated!!! If this "Blended" style of living arrangement continues does anyone think that it will cause harm on my children? I know it has me stressed. What should I do?
Emily

 
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Old 06-22-2007, 10:25 AM   #2
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Re: Child with emotional special needs?

Does this girl have any contact with her biological mother?? If so, what kind environment is she subjected to when she is with her? I only ask these questions because I see the same behavior in a little girl across the street from me. Her mother is very verbally and mentally abusive to her, calls her every name in the book and critizes everything this little girl does. Unfortunately Social Services sees no reason to interfer but that is another subject all on its own.

Perhaps you should take her out just the two of you and have some one on one time. Do something extra special for her to make her feel that loving connection. This would also be a good time to allow her to talk freely to you and to tell you if something is bothering her. Perhaps while she is at home give her "special" tasks to complete, make her feel important. This might help her stop tagging you and your other children around and also allows her to gain her own compliments and self-accomplishment.

 
Old 06-22-2007, 11:33 AM   #3
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Re: Child with emotional special needs?

Thank you for responding. Her mother has very little to do with her. She only calls maybe once a month and maybe visits her once a month. She is a bad mother with many problems herself. When she had custody taken away she didn't even care. Her father does OK but leaves almost all of the parenting to me.
Emily

 
Old 06-22-2007, 07:21 PM   #4
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Re: Child with emotional special needs?

That really does make alot of sense why she is acting this way. She knows she has a mother, but obviously that mother cares nothing for her. Therefore she is probably very jealous of your children and how much you love them. Like I said you should take time out just for her and let her know that you love her, just something so little as that can really make a child happy. And make her feel special by giving her special tasks to do. Doing that makes a child feel needed and it gives them a tiny ingling of responsibility. Perhaps you should also encourage her father to spend one on one time with her as well.

 
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