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Old 06-27-2007, 11:46 AM   #1
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Teen in a dangerous situation

My cousin came to me last night with a problem with her youngest daughter...She is sixteenyears old and is very sexually active...Her mother found out that she has been sleeping around alot...She even gave me examples like sleeping with one guy and then going the same night and sleeping with another...Her friends that she hangs out with are the same way...Any parenting advice you can give for this situation would be greatly helpful...I really didn't know what to say to her because i have two boys and never had that problem..I know she is soo upset, she doesn't know what to do...The girl doesn't listen to her mom and doesn't take anything serious from std's or pregnancy...She did take her to put her on birthcontrol...This is a dangerous situation and i don't know how to help her...Please advice please..

 
Old 06-27-2007, 12:01 PM   #2
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Re: Teen in a dangerous situation

As the mother of a girl, I remember being heartbroken at the fact that my child had become sexually active, age 14. Having said that, I would be more concerned if my child had been involved in drugs at that age. At the end of the day, it is unlikely that sex will kill someone and it is a natually bodily function - it just seems to be happening earlier and earlier these days It is for the child to take on the responsibitity that comes with sex (emotions involved), not the mum or the cousin.

 
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Old 06-27-2007, 04:08 PM   #3
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Re: Teen in a dangerous situation

Sorry i disagree, children need guidance from parent...Sleeping around is not a normal teenage thing...I have a fifteen year old and he does not sleep around, same girlfriend for the last year or maybe two...This girl does not have emotions for any of these boys...Sleeping with one boy one day and another the next day or maybe the same day is not normal...This is a dangerous situation due to life changing results, std's can be life time and pregnancy is a life time...

 
Old 06-27-2007, 06:42 PM   #4
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Re: Teen in a dangerous situation

I agree with daystar in that sleeping around is not normal. In my opinion, this girl is trying to fill a huge void. I was very promiscuous as a teenager and, in retrospect, I think most of it stemmed from the fact that I didn't get the love I needed from home. Mom was alcoholic. Parents divorced when I was 13. Father retained custody because of moms' "problem". Dad was not around much because he was working all the time. He did the best he could but the fact is I just felt so ...alone.

I don't know what the family dynamics are in your cousins house but if she wants this to stop I think some drastic measures are in order. First of all counseling...either single or family. I personally feel this is a family problem. Is dad involved? Do parents show her she is special and loved? If not that needs to start happening.

I have 3 daughters. 21, 19, and 12. The 12 y/o is no where near even being interested in boys, thank goodness. But my 21 year old has only had 3 boyfriends and has only been intimate with 2 of them and that didn't happen until she was 18. My 19 y/o has also had 3 bf. Intimate with 3 that started at 16. Luckily we have always had a very open relationship and they came to me for bc(pill) when they thought they were ready.

I don't want to be a downer but I think at 16, if she is acting like this, it is going to be very hard to change. I know how I was at 16. I THOUGHT I was enjoying myself. I talked myself into thinking if guys could sleep around and it was OK then I could. It was only as I got older that I realized I wasn't happy doing that stuff. I was always under the influence of some drug too so that made it worse.

Good luck.

 
Old 06-27-2007, 07:09 PM   #5
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Re: Teen in a dangerous situation

I agree with tigerlily about the counseling. She seems to have a great view about this and you should listen to her since she bettered her life and raised 3 very decent daughters--that I'd sure be proud to have! I do have 2 of my own and am definately proud....but have a long, long time before I have to deal with this issue since my 7yr. old son thinks girls are the enemy and my 3 yr. has a while, of course.

I also want to add that she needs to be taken away from these friends of hers...as soon as possible. At this age they are more her drive and influence most likely and mom has to fight for her well-being b/c she sounds very self-distructive.

I too was promiscuous and had deep, dark reasons for it. I luckily met my husband and we cared enough about eachother and life(not to mention the son we made after only 3 mos.) to start living right. He's a wonderful guy and he saved my life. But for her she's so young that she needs some "tough love". Her mom needs to take drastic measures to keep her away from the bad influences so her daughter can come to her senses. Daughter may hate mom at first, but-God willing-she'll thank her later!

Also, communication is soooo important. She needs to ask her daughter in a concerned way(the way you communicate is delicate, not just what you say but how you say it is important--ppl respond differently to different tones, I'm just figuring this out!) why she is acting this way. Non-judgemental. If the daughter shuts down at least mom got her thinking and opened a door for when daughter feels bad about her behavior and needs a confidant(sp?). She needs to keep this openminded, still parental role with her. Focus on the sleeping around minimally and the deep reasons for it a lot. I hope my view helps! Best of luck.

Parenting is the most selfless, delicate job in the world and mom has to realize there's trial and error involved, so NEVER give up!

 
Old 06-27-2007, 07:13 PM   #6
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Re: Teen in a dangerous situation

I agree too. At the risk of sounding old-fashioned and strict, I firmly believe that any girl who is having sex like this one at her age is in trouble of some sort, and is not just 'having fun' as such. The family counselling is a great idea. Sera

 
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