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Old 07-15-2007, 01:28 AM   #1
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are we bad parents?

ok im going to try to say it like it is and not be biased as to our parenting skills with our kids so i can get some honest opinions. my kids are older 16 15 13 and 11 and our daily routine is they get woken up by dad and ready to go to school by him as i work a later shift so he takes care of it good but when we all come home we eat and then all go do our own thing! usually the kids watch t.v in their room or living rm or maybe got to a friends once in a while or to the store but as a family we dont do much and i feel guilty! but they arent babies anymore and they dont seem to care anyways. today for ex. my kids got up the 2 oldest went to work and the youngest we took to the mall to grab a few things,the middle one stayed home doing a daily routine of "vegging" in his room which he loves to do, then we came home made them something to eat and everyone went thier sep way but no on complains. i feel like i should be amusing them or playing with them but thats also silly as they are older. i just remember doing so much with them when they were little but now me and hubby just leave the house do our own thing and so do they.we dont take them out often but no one cares! but then i sit back and feel like we should do more with them but if we did theyd only complain.i mean we dont do nothing with them like on fri we took them to the lake but thats not an every wkend thing.i just feel like we will regret the times when they were still younger not spending more time with them usually in a month we will go out to eat as a family2x then a movie another night 1x a mth and thats it!

 
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Old 07-15-2007, 01:46 AM   #2
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Re: are we bad parents?

Why don't you ask the kids if they are happy with things the way they are? Have a family chat about it. Even though they are close in ages, there is a world of difference between 16 and 11, so you would be hard-pressed to find activities that will satisfy all of them, so your best bet if they want a change is to give each kid a bit of one-on-one parenting and treat. But they are probably quite happy, they would be letting you know if they weren't. Cheers, Sera

 
Old 07-15-2007, 04:30 AM   #3
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Re: are we bad parents?

Aren't there any board games you'd like to play together?

 
Old 07-15-2007, 08:07 AM   #4
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Re: are we bad parents?

My 14 yr old son would much rather veg out then do a lot of things with the rest of us. My girls are 11 & 9.

Sometimes we let him veg because I don't think it'll do him any harm but other times I make him join in because we are still a family. Normally he'll grip and complain for the first few minutes but it doesn't usually last long and then he's having just a good a time as everyone else. *grin*

We sometimes will just go for a walk around the block. Other times it'll be a hike in the mountains, out to the bird sanctuary, shopping, etc.

Edit: When I was a teen my parents were dealing with 4 teens and a young kid. We didn't do a whole lot together but we did do some.

I think it can help a family feel like a family if they do some things together rather then always there own ways.

Are you bad parents though? Heavens no. It's a whole lot easier with those ages to let them go their own way. Getting all those ages together can just take a little planning.
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Last edited by PinkPiglet; 07-15-2007 at 08:08 AM.

 
Old 07-15-2007, 09:28 AM   #5
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Re: are we bad parents?

Gosh! That's a difficult question!
Who doesn't wonder!
Do you talk to one another? If you feel that you can still talk on the rare occasion you do things together and that you usually know what they are up to and what they are feeling most of the time, then why are you feeling guilty?
Do you remember your time as a teenager? How much time did you want to spend with your parents or actually did spend?
I didn't. I came back to them and finally related as a human being to another when I was well over 25 and had already started my own family.

 
Old 07-15-2007, 12:39 PM   #6
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Re: are we bad parents?

My kids are much younger than yours (toddlers) so I'm sure I'll be asking myself the same questions in a few years. I think back to when I was a teenager. I have an older brother and a younger sister. We were all were close in age, so my mom had her hands full. We ALWAYS ate dinner together every night. To me it seems actually weird not to. I do the same with my kids. We spent time together playing games and went on a yearly family vacation up until I graduated college. I think the time we spent together has made us all closer. Trust me, I, like every normal teenager thought my parents were annoying and really didn't want to spend too much time in the company for a few years, but now I look back and am glad we did. To this day we will always play games and eat dinner together or just spend time together as a family when we can. Because my parents spent time with us, I think they were better able to know what was going on in our daily lives, which in the age of internet and so on, I think it's really important to make sure you know what your kids are doing behind closed doors. Good luck! I'm not sure if I'm more scared or excited for my kids to be that age soon!

 
Old 07-15-2007, 12:46 PM   #7
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Re: are we bad parents?

oh yes we talk all the time but yesterday i just felt bad my dh and i retreated to our bdrm to relax and every few hrs my son would come in say hi i would ask for a kiss he would give it then ask him what he was doin he would say nothin then walk away and continue on with his routine.its not that we dont do anything we just dont do enough we do have board games and once in a blue moon play them but they dont really care much about it.

 
Old 07-15-2007, 06:37 PM   #8
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Re: are we bad parents?

Maybe it's time to have a family meeting and ask the kids what kinds of things they'd like to do. You may be surprised at their answers.
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Old 08-01-2007, 09:18 PM   #9
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Re: are we bad parents?

Quote:
Originally Posted by hayley0610 View Post
ok im going to try to say it like it is and not be biased as to our parenting skills with our kids so i can get some honest opinions. my kids are older 16 15 13 and 11 and our daily routine is they get woken up by dad and ready to go to school by him as i work a later shift so he takes care of it good but when we all come home we eat and then all go do our own thing! usually the kids watch t.v in their room or living rm or maybe got to a friends once in a while or to the store but as a family we dont do much and i feel guilty! but they arent babies anymore and they dont seem to care anyways. today for ex. my kids got up the 2 oldest went to work and the youngest we took to the mall to grab a few things,the middle one stayed home doing a daily routine of "vegging" in his room which he loves to do, then we came home made them something to eat and everyone went thier sep way but no on complains. i feel like i should be amusing them or playing with them but thats also silly as they are older. i just remember doing so much with them when they were little but now me and hubby just leave the house do our own thing and so do they.we dont take them out often but no one cares! but then i sit back and feel like we should do more with them but if we did theyd only complain.i mean we dont do nothing with them like on fri we took them to the lake but thats not an every wkend thing.i just feel like we will regret the times when they were still younger not spending more time with them usually in a month we will go out to eat as a family2x then a movie another night 1x a mth and thats it!
Hey the way I see it is you did a good job and your kids get along without consent attention. They are good kids with good grades?? You said your older two children have jobs, your children aren't babies anymore and they are be coming responsible young adults! Good Job Mom!!!

 
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