It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Parenting Issues Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 07-18-2007, 03:30 AM   #1
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: upstate,NY
Posts: 729
kdel HB Userkdel HB User
5 Year Old Son Has A Stalker!

Hi everyone. About a year ago we moved to a new house in a nice family neighborhood. My son has,for the first time, a big backyard to play in and a puppy. At first it seemed nice that he had some kids to play with since he didn't where we used to live. Well we found out very soon that the little girl next door was just not right (she's 2 years older) She started to come over everyday and ask to play. Some days she would just walk into my house. I spoke to her and her mother about this. she didn't stop until I told her the dog was no longer confined. (she;s afraid of dogs) She is never supervised and started to do terrible things like inviting my son over to her yard and then when he got there she would tell him she was just kidding, go home. She also has an 8 year old brother who joined in. Anyway this escalated to hurting my son- she hit him in the face with a football helmet and chipped his front tooth, gave him a fat lip and the blood was everywhere. she pushed him downstairs (cement on a little bike) she has run over and taken his toys and run back to her house with them, money too. She rammed him in the chest with a tree limb. Anyway this goes on and on. She tells her mother all these things are accidents (they are not, I have been there, they are not even provoked) The last thing she did was told my son she could make him cry. She took a battery and gave it to his puppy through the chain link fence we put up. My son told her "don't do that you can kill her" she said "I don't care if it kills her, you'll cry". Anyway I've had several talks with the mother to no avail. This kid is always outside with NO supervision. She will not stay away from my child. When he's outside she comes over. He tells her to leave and she doesn't. She will follow him all over driving him crazy. Yes, I tell her to leave also. Now when he has friends over she stands on her side of the fence taunting him the whole time! The other day she did this for 2 hours.
I can't really tell her to not talk when she's on her own property. What do I do? It is now at the point where I no longer speak to the parents, too much has happened and my son has changed because of this. We moved here with a sweet 4 year old. He is now tense everytime he walks out the door. The parents do NOTHING! This girl is now literaly stalking him. It's insane. There is alot more but it would take forever to type. Any suggestions? Also she does these things to other kids as well, not just my son. She is very sneaky also and has tried to get other kids to do bad things also like go in the street. She's not allowed either but she does it anyway and I have seen many close calls. I am at the end of my rope! Any ideas would be great.
Thanks,
Kara

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 07-18-2007, 04:33 AM   #2
Facilitator
(female)
 
Seraph's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,769
Seraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB User
Re: 5 Year Old Son Has A Stalker!

This is a terrible situation. Can you get a restraining order to make her parents have to forbid her to come onto your property? At least that is one thing stopped. Can you afford to get a high wall built around your backyard? If you can't do either of these, will you consider moving? This kid sounds like a little psycho and she will probably not grow out of it. My parents-in-law lived next door to a kid like this for many years. fortunately Dh and his siblings were older than the psycho kid next door and a few threats and menaces stopped him from bothering them. Other younger kids were at his mercy though. This went on until he reached his teens, then he graduated to crime and disappeared. I feel so sorry for your poor little boy, he can't feel safe in his own backyard. Sera

 
Old 07-18-2007, 04:56 AM   #3
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Buffalo, NY USA
Posts: 94
Buffalo Gal HB User
Re: 5 Year Old Son Has A Stalker!

I sympathize. I'm having neighbor problems myself, but at least I have a landlord who is on my side. You say she is doing this to other kids. Have you spoken with those other parents? What do they say? Any chance of a group meeting with the girl's parents? Have you discussed options with the police or social services? Unfortunately, some people are just trash. They just don't get it and never will, and their kids are a reflection of that. In the end, as difficult as it may be, you have to protect your little boy, and that might entail moving. Gotta do what you gotta do. Good luck!

 
Old 07-18-2007, 05:06 AM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: upstate,NY
Posts: 729
kdel HB Userkdel HB User
Re: 5 Year Old Son Has A Stalker!

We cannot afford the highwall. We just bought this house a year ago and put in the chainlink fence hoping to stop her from just appearing in our yard. Honestly I don't think a restraining order would help because the parents don't even know where she is most of the time and she certainly would not stay away on her own. We put alot of work into this house (and alot of money) We have moved 3 times since my son was 2 (renting) and these moves have not been easy on him. He makes friends and then we move. I really don't want to do that again. He has made some good friends this past year and will start kindergarten in September with some of them. Can you even get a restraining order against a 7 year old? Unfortunately my husband would probobly not go for this. He's a bit old fashioned this way and tends to think my son should be able to handle this so we fight about it often. He thinks if my son would just give her one good punch in the face she may stop bothering him. It might work but my son doesn't have it in him.(which also annoys my husband) I don't want to teach my son violence as it has never been a part of his life but in this situation I do tell him that he must stand up for himself or this will continue. The strange part is he no problem sticking up for his younger cousins or friends, even his dog. He will put himself directly in the path of danger for others but not for himself. It's very frustrating. My husband sees this as a weakness I on the other hand think he is a great kid with a really good heart. He doesn't want to hurt anyone. (he has told me this). Why won't he stand up for himself the way he does others? For instance- a while back we were at the library and a man came and stood very close to me, breathing down my neck well, my son came from across the room, wedged himself between us looked up at the man and said very loudly "You are standing too close to my mommy"! He was right, I was uncomfortable. So you see, he has it in him so why not apply it where it's really needed?

 
Old 07-18-2007, 05:13 AM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: upstate,NY
Posts: 729
kdel HB Userkdel HB User
Re: 5 Year Old Son Has A Stalker!

Also the other neighbors feel the same way but I am the only one who has spoken to the parents. It's easier for them because they are not right next to her and also the parents work and the kids go to after school care. In the summer they tend to go to camp or the mothers find somewhere else to go during the day. I am really not willing to leave my own home everyday to avoid a 7 year old. The other kids also have older siblings (and they are older as well) My son is the youngest in the neighborhood so I think she picks on him more because there is no older brother or sister to protect him.

 
Old 07-18-2007, 05:24 AM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Kszan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,985
Kszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB User
Re: 5 Year Old Son Has A Stalker!

The next time she does something to make your son cry or hurts him, I would call the police. I mean, I know it sounds extreme for a kid situation, but I think you've exhausted all other avenues and this is your last option. I would think that having a policeman come over and read this kid the riot act might scare her enough to make her stop. He should be really firm with her and tell her what happens to bad kids who do things like that all the time.

Seriously, at that age, what kid wouldn't be terrified if a cop showed up at the house and told them that they would be in huge trouble if they didnt' stop? Their parents are doing nothing, and you can't do anything, so I really think this is your last option.

 
Old 07-18-2007, 05:45 AM   #7
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Buffalo, NY USA
Posts: 94
Buffalo Gal HB User
Re: 5 Year Old Son Has A Stalker!

He does indeed sound like a great kid, with a good heart. Let him know that you will back him up if he has to smack her. At some point, she may push him too far, especially as he gets older. She sounds like she could use a good smack!

 
Old 07-18-2007, 06:03 AM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: upstate,NY
Posts: 729
kdel HB Userkdel HB User
Re: 5 Year Old Son Has A Stalker!

As far as telling him I will be 100% behind him if he does hit her back, I have told him numerous times. I told him that he will not be in ANY trouble at all. I have even gone so far as to show him how to throw a punch without hurting his own hand or wrist. His aim is good and he's strong. ( he's done it by punching my hand) Now if he would just apply this to her face she might leave him alone! I know this sounds terrible but I can't do it for him. Another thing I don't understand is that I have seen her hit other kids as well and no one ever hits her back! I just don't understand it. She doesn't just hit or shove either she attacks, I saw her rip another girl off a swing by her hair and throw her to the ground (it was the other girls swing and yard) She often uses things other than her hands also, large sticks, toys, rocks anything! She has thrown my sons toys in the street trying to make him go after them. It just goes on and on. In the beginning I was friendly with the mother (before I saw how bad this kid was) so I tried to talk to her several times nicely. I even asked her to call me instead of just letting her daughter come ring my bell (she rings my bell like 15 times a day,as early as 8am and as late as 8:30pm even in the winter when it's dark) She also would not go away if we didn't answer, she would stand on my front step screaming my sons name. Anyway that worked for about a week. I tried explaining to the mother (again this is when we first moved in) that she needs to check with me first to see if it's a good time or not. Didn't work. Needless to say we are not friendly anymore! I don't even think they know half the time that she is not in the house. The last time I tried to talk to the parents the father went nuts. I was on the phone with the mother and he started screaming and cursing at me in the backround to the point we could not hear eachother. He has also hid in the house when I went over there to speak to him about his daughter feeding my dog a battery. He sent his 8 year old son to the door to talk to me. I stayed on his step for about 10-15 min. and he would not come talk to me. The mother wasn't home. I told the mother to put her husband on the phone if he had so much to say to me, well of course he wouldn't so that was the last conversation I had with her. (about 2 months ago) Soooo talking to them is not an option. The kid continues to run wild. I know I'm rambling now, sorry I just can't take this anymore!! Thanks everyone.

Last edited by kdel; 07-18-2007 at 06:55 AM.

 
Old 07-18-2007, 07:14 AM   #9
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Buffalo, NY USA
Posts: 94
Buffalo Gal HB User
Re: 5 Year Old Son Has A Stalker!

I would go to the police station, ask to see an officer, and tell him everything. I would then ask for suggestions. See what your legal options are.

 
Old 07-18-2007, 07:23 AM   #10
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Oak Ridge
Posts: 6,749
mkgbrook HB Usermkgbrook HB Usermkgbrook HB Usermkgbrook HB Usermkgbrook HB Usermkgbrook HB Usermkgbrook HB Usermkgbrook HB Usermkgbrook HB Usermkgbrook HB Usermkgbrook HB User
Re: 5 Year Old Son Has A Stalker!

Given that you should have plenty of medical documentation of the harm done to your son and the threats and attempts at malicious mischief with your dog.. swear out a complaint with child services on parents for lack of supervision and with the police. You can also look into getting a restraining order.. but that is probably overkill at this point. Something will change. The parents of that child should be responsible for your childs medical costs as well as any vet bills that occur as a result of abusive indifference. Also get your son into a child's judo class. Nothing like getting tossed on your butt and sat on to make you think about swings a branch at some one. A good arm bar and wrist lock can go a long way to making the little witch back off. If judo is not available.. look into karate. Let the instructor know of the abuse.. your son will be prepared in no time. Some times a parent can not teach a child to defend him/herself as readily as an third party. Why? Because from the soonest we go into the don't hit, don't kick, don't bite spiels and that becomes ingrained.. when we tell them to do something different.. well it takes more time to register.

We have neighbors similar to yours (actually worse), but it is four children with their cousins a few houses down. They are all four plus years older than my son. They were even so bad as too shoot fireworks from their balcony at our dogs, spray paint the side of our house, and smash our land scaping bricks with a sledge hammer. Our dog is 70 pounds and hates these kids now.. he tore down 2x4's to get at them when they were throwing old car parts over the fence at him after the fireworks shoot-a-thon.. well now we have to keep him contained with a tri-layer fence (electrical, eight foot cyclone, and eight foot wood).. and he ripped out the chain link on the 8th of this month because they were mucking with fireworks again. Now every thunderstorm, backfire, and 4th of July or New Years our dogs become indoor dogs. One day he will get at them if they keep it up and they will have deserved it. We have sworn out complaints with the police, and local animal protection services. We have done everything in our power to protect our animals and keep those kids safe, but the dogs only respond with aggresion to the four neighbors kids that fired bottle rockets at them. Both the police and animal protection service personnel let the kids know that if that dog gets loose they are in trouble and only they would be responsible. They will also beforced to do time for vandalism as well. We had our animals evaluated for aggression and triggers and they only respond aggressively to the children next door. It is ridiculas that parents will let their kids behave like.. yard apes. If you don't want to get the police involved the only thing left to do would be to put up a wooden fence and isolate your son from them.

As a martial arts instructor.. I vote for judo class and the police and child services. If the child is such an abuser then their might be a reason for it. Neighbor feuds get nasty, be prepared for it.

Sincerely,
MG

You need to up the scales.. My son does not go outside with out me and I will not let him talk to the other kids much less let them talk back to us. My son will be five in 2.5 months and we do not feel safe letting him play with our neighbors. Seriously get sworn statements about the lack of parental supervision and abuse to your son and property and go to the police station and child service department. If you can get video of this behavior it will only strengthen your case. Do you have a phone that captures video?
__________________
If we learn by our mistakes, I am working on one hell of an education.

 
Old 07-18-2007, 08:15 AM   #11
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: upstate,NY
Posts: 729
kdel HB Userkdel HB User
Re: 5 Year Old Son Has A Stalker!

That's interesting about your dogs. My dog loves kids but, not this one. Also she responds aggressivley towards the childs father and has since we got her. Before all the trouble if he approached the fence she would go wild, barking, growling,hair standing up. This is not normal behavior for her at all. I have thought of the video idea and am looking for something a little less obvious than me standing there with it. Also I have started my son in karate(he was 3 at the time) He decided he didn't want to go back but I have been talking to him about it again and he agreed to try again. I called the instructor and set up a time to have him evaluated one on one and also made him aware of the situation so he will start again soon. I think also I will make the police and animal protection involved. If my dog gets out I have no doubt she will bite one of them, she already lunged at the girl when she made a sudden move toward my son. (I had her out of the fence but on a leash) It would not be fair for either my son or my dog to be punished for protecting themselves or eachother. Unfortunatley I will have to do this without my husbands support. I have wanted to do it for a while and he's been holding me back. I've been waiting for him to come around but it doesn't look like it's gonna happen so that's too bad but I can handle him.

 
Old 07-18-2007, 08:49 AM   #12
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 468
strongernow HB User
Re: 5 Year Old Son Has A Stalker!

That is worse than a stalker! That kid sounds evil and psycho. Keep your kid in doors and find a different hang out for your kid like at a church center or other hang outs that look safe and fun.

 
Old 07-18-2007, 09:50 AM   #13
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Kszan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,985
Kszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB User
Re: 5 Year Old Son Has A Stalker!

I'm telling you, call the cops on this psycho neighbor kid! I can't think of anything more scary for a little kid than to have a policeman really lay into them and tell them exactly what happens to bad kids who don't follow rules.

Why won't you call the police on her? Are you worried that the neighbors will treat you differently? Because it sounds like the parents are a bunch of whack jobs too, so you might want to mention that the guy was screaming at you while you were on the phone with his wife, because the cop needs to know that they are psychotic themselves.

I don't know what you're so afraid of, just call the police! This situation will not get any better until they get involved. And furthermore, the CPS needs to be contacted as well, because it's patently obvious that the parents are excessively neglectful and totally oblivious to what kind of terrible things their daughter is doing, especially if she has a history of hitting, punching, and beating on other kids! CPS needs to get involved and so do the police because until they do, none of this will be resolved. Just call them already, what are you waiting for?

 
Old 07-18-2007, 10:43 AM   #14
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Oak Ridge
Posts: 6,749
mkgbrook HB Usermkgbrook HB Usermkgbrook HB Usermkgbrook HB Usermkgbrook HB Usermkgbrook HB Usermkgbrook HB Usermkgbrook HB Usermkgbrook HB Usermkgbrook HB Usermkgbrook HB User
Re: 5 Year Old Son Has A Stalker!

Dito Kszan.

Get your facts together.. hospital reports, neighbor testimonials, not phone calls and how often you talked tot he neighbors, maybe even a documented talk with a child psych noting the abusive nature of the other child and the victim stigma that is being passed to your son.

Look into getting a video survalence system for your yards. It will give you the less obvious imagery you need. And file the reports with CPS, the police, and animal services. If something sereious happens and you need to pursue legal measures.. this information will be essential in a solid case in your favor.

The fact that the man and child get the same response from your dog may be an indicator that that man is abusive. You are not just helping yourself, but helping that child get the proper care she needs as well. I can tell you from my experience, animals know when someone is not right or is a threat. I have always had herd dogs that treat kids as part of the family any kid or baby.. my 70 lb border collie will let my 4.5 yr old son drag him about by the tail with out complaint. My dog rocks craddles, leads you to the changing table if the baby is wet or dirty, rocks and pushes swings if the baby cries and runs to the momma if the child doesn't stop crying. He runs to you if you cough or sneeze concerned.. you have to tell him you are "Okay" before he walks away. He has been ridden, chewed on, shared his chew toys, kept the baby on the blanket by nose rolling and diaper dragging when told "Baby Blanket". There is not a mean bone in his body that is evident; but let one of the kids from next door come with in ten feet of the fence and my dog wants to rip boards down to get at them. Color, smell, sex doesn't matter it is four individual kids only..

I am glad you are working on it. It is hard when you have to give ground a be a prisoner in your own home. Keep us posted on how things go and if that child gets the care she deserves and needs.

Sincerely,
MG
__________________
If we learn by our mistakes, I am working on one hell of an education.

 
Old 07-18-2007, 02:15 PM   #15
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: upstate,NY
Posts: 729
kdel HB Userkdel HB User
Re: 5 Year Old Son Has A Stalker!

Okay, I never said I was afraid to call anyone. I was simply trying to handle things myself. Obviously this is not working I know. The only reason I haven't done it before now is because my husband and I are in disagreement over the situation. He would rather I just keep him away from her than cause what he calls an uproar. I believe I just said in an earlier post that I am going to make those calls now,wether my husband approves or not.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
My 18 Year Old Sociopath Son jerseywolf Relationship Health 28 03-03-2010 09:25 PM
Husband's Weird Friendship With 18-year-old Girl SandraX Relationship Health 20 05-05-2009 02:56 PM
PTSD from stalker peterpiper Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) 1 09-29-2008 03:14 AM
18 year old pain michelle112306 Back Problems 11 11-17-2007 07:25 PM
Stupid SIXTEEN YEAR OLD throwing herself at my man!!! What do I do??? Laylah Relationship Health 40 02-24-2007 03:29 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Seraph (8), writeleft (6), rudiraven (4), marisuela (4), Curious One (3), noevr (3), katlin09 (3), jilas0127 (3), Foxxii (3), Beth Ann (2)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1005), Apollo123 (906), Titchou (850), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (759), ladybud (755), midwest1 (669), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:36 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!