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Old 10-01-2007, 02:25 PM   #1
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First Grade Bully???

Hi everyone,

I was at the grocery store today with my 15 month old daughter when I got a call from my 6 year old daughter's school. The nurse told me that my daughter was hit in the head with a rock coming in from recess. She told me that she was okay but she did have a bump. I was then informed that the principal wanted to talk to me.

So the principal gets on the phone and told me that she was handling the child that did it. She said that he threw the rock but says that he didn't purposely throw it at my daughter. He appologized and my daughter apparently said to him "I accept your appology, but I don't like that you did it". The nurse then got back on the phone and told me it was my choice of whether I wanted to pick her up or not.

I picked her up about 15 minutes later because I wanted to make sure for myself that she was okay. She has a huge red bump above her left eye. I aksed her if she knew who did it and she told me who it was. He also tried to lie and blame another boy and my daughter told the assistant principal that he was lying and it was in fact him. Apparently this is the same boy who has been pulling her hair (I have heard her mention his name more than once and I witnessed him pulling her by the arm last week) and pulls on her and crumples up her pictures. Obviously whatever the school is doing to disipline the child isn't working.

My husband and I are demanding to sit down with the principal and his parents because we want an end to this. My daughter, although she has her moments, is really all around a good kid. She gets stickers a couple of times a week for being a good friend in class and she is always empathetic. She would never intentionally hurt anyone the way this boy did her.

I was just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this, especially at such a young age. I am just so disgusted by the way this boy acts on a daily basis, and the fact that now my child was hurt as a result. If the rock hit any lower she could have lost an eye! Is there anything else I could be doing?

 
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Old 10-01-2007, 09:41 PM   #2
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Re: First Grade Bully???

Have Mercy! The bully gene must surface in the first grade. Last year my oldest had an incident with this one little girl that kept telling her horror type stories. We dont let the girls watch scary movies, some kids can, bottom line....I cant handle scary movies, see no point but anyway. She was telling bloody horror type stories.

Talked to the teacher....got worse. Principal.....yet again worse. Other parents....still worse. Til finially my husband says the dreaded "If you dont take up for yourself blah blah blah" against my better wishes this was the only thing that worked.

It totally goes against all we teach them about being kind, good.....etc. But just like when I was little a bully will only stop when you are no longer afraid.

You are doing right following the right process. But....if that doesnt work and you decide tell her to knock his teeth out on the playground . Whats detention for a little self satisfaction?

Keep me posted.... and by the way our bully failed first grade.
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Old 10-02-2007, 11:23 AM   #3
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Re: First Grade Bully???

I have a 4 year old son, so he's not yet in school, but he plays, at times with an older child who is in first grade. His father is my husbands best friend. the kid is a big time bully. He has no patience for younger children, although he has younger siblings. He NEVER treats his younger sister badly, but he does my children and our nieces and nephews. After he pushed my son off the slide from the top platform, I had enough. Because, unlike you, I didn't have to go through teachers ect.. I spoke directly to the child's parents. I told him that his son will no longer be welcome at our family functions if he can't behave himself. He's gotten a bit better, but like the last poster said, I'm tempted to teach my son how to fight back! lol Good luck!

 
Old 10-02-2007, 01:02 PM   #4
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Re: First Grade Bully???

Here is what Im thinking in terms of the whole "first grade bully". I think that this must be the age when children sense differences in whole. I am not going to pretend that I am all that and a pack of crackers cause shew.... that is not even the case. But I love my girls to the core of my body, we do our homework and I try to stay as involved as possible with their schools. In the case with our bully, she had some home issues ( heaven help me so do we.....) and in my opinion she just wanted to fit in.

Did that make it easier for me...NO. But I do feel terrible for the little girl.
Cant wait to hear the details happymom28. You go get 'em!!!
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Old 10-02-2007, 01:17 PM   #5
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Re: First Grade Bully???

Thank you both for your replies.

We went to school early today so I could try to meet up with his parents while they were dropping him off. I always see him in the morning, but I never see any parent with him (which is a huge no no with the school rules). It turns out he gets brought to school with a neighbor who is another boy in my daughter's class.

So they're all playing and waiting for the bell to ring. I am keeping a VERY close eye on this kid because he is a little hyper-active. Well he starts singing "I have a girlfriend, I have a girlfriend" and is pointing to my daughter. He seems to be one of those boys who tortures the girls he likes I guess. Then I saw him pulling on another boys backpack and then accidentally ripped off some thing he had hanging off of it. The more I see the kid in action the more it seems he just has no disipline at home. I could be wrong, but doesn't it all stem from home?

Anyway, I am waiting to hear back from the principal so we can all have a meeting. It would have been nice to just be able to approach his parents, but if they don't come to the school then it is impossible.

BTW MCMA, I did tell my daughter that it was okay to tell him to leave her alone if he starts bothering her. She said to me, "okay mommy, but I'm going to say it in a kid way and not in a grown up way so I don't sound rude". The things she comes out with just cracks me up! lol

Thanks again. I will keep you posted on what happens.

 
Old 10-02-2007, 06:46 PM   #6
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Re: First Grade Bully???

Yes!!!!! Yes it all begins at home. Its not our education systen failing our kids its the parents. And I am no better than anyone else but yes it is our responsiblity as parents to monitor social, physical and physicological aspects of school and out of school.

You have shown your daughter volumes today just by backing her and being involved. Some kids never get that and it breaks my heart.
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Old 10-03-2007, 12:56 PM   #7
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Re: First Grade Bully???

has your daughter ever tried asking the boy if he would be her friend? perhaps if they could become friends with each other, he would stop torturing her. i had a boy in school who tortured me something awful! but i finally one day got tired of it and just asked him if he would stop picking on me and be my friend, and to my shock, he said, "okay." and we became great friends for the rest of the year. he was a little hyper active and obnoxious, but he actually listened to me and seemed to respect what i had to say, and i actually got him to quit picking on other kids too.

i know it's a long shot, because kids today seem so much different than kids back in my day, BUT it COULD work....

just from your last post, it sounds like this boy truly LIKES your daughter, but doesn't know how to show it. perhaps his home life isn't one that teaches friendship or affection?

 
Old 10-03-2007, 01:56 PM   #8
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Re: First Grade Bully???

I remember when I was in elementary a boy had been picking on a friend of mine. She told the teacher and the teacher told her that was because the boy liked her! Otherwise he wouldn't want to be around her. Need less to say, the boy was embarrassed and it pretty well solved the problem.
I do agree with the others, most of this is a result of lack of discipline or attention. What's sad is that this will continue through out his school years. My youngest in high school sees this regularly. Same girls (girl problems at our school!) tormenting others. The "no bullying tolerated" in the rule book; huh! That's when it's the school to blame as nothing is done to these students. Well, off the subject.
Good luck.

 
Old 10-04-2007, 02:23 AM   #9
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Re: First Grade Bully???

I completly agree with the last poster that the " bully free zone" should be enforced by the school. But the intial problem started at home. I dont think they can expell you from school like they did when Iwas in school. No child left behind or something.
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Old 10-04-2007, 05:19 AM   #10
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Re: First Grade Bully???

Unfortunately we have had no luck yet getting a meeting with his parents. It seems they work a lot, so I can now see where his "acting out" is coming from.

Yesterday when we got to school he was already there. He came up to the carriage to see my younger daughter and was so sweet with her. He talked to her for a good 10 minutes trying to make her laugh until the bell rang. The more I hear and see the more I know he is missing something from home. It's so sad!

I will mention to my daughter about asking him to be friends. She does try to be friends with everybody, but she draws a line with the kids who don't act "appropriate". Maybe I can help her to understand that he may just need good friends.

Thank you so much for your opinions and advice. I will let you know how it goes.

 
Old 10-04-2007, 08:07 PM   #11
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Re: First Grade Bully???

It is so very sad how some kids live outside of school. I think maybe they want to fit in. Makes you want to suck your own in real tight and be very thankful.
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