I am in a MOMS Club in my area and I also serve on the board. Because of being on the board, I often have meetings to attend with other members and their children.
Another board member has a two year old who has pushed down my 1 year old son two times now. Last time it happened, we didn't see it b/c the two boys were playing in the playroom. All was quiet, and then my son let out a loud scream and was sobbing hysterically. I went into the room and there was her son standing over my son.
I don't know how much a two year old should know. The other mom said to me, "I am sorry this happened, he doesn't understand..."
She doesn't seem to discipline her son when he does this. I don't want to be difficult b/c I know there will come a day when my own son does this. However, I feel that you can be firm with a 2 year old and tell them "NO HITTING" or "NO PUSHING."
How should I approach this subject with this mother if it happens again? I don't want to tell her how to discipline, but I feel something needs to be done.
It's tough, I feel your pain. I have a 4 year old, 2 year old and a 5 month old. Kids can be told time and time again not to hit or push, but they have a hard time remembering things until about 3 or 4. My oldest was the kind of kid that just kept to himself and really didn't do anything to get in to trouble. He was the one being pushed down by his cousins. My 2 year old has a difficult time with no. He sees it as a challenge. I told him this morning that he can not brush his sister's "hair" (she's 5 months). He waits until I walk far enough away where I can't reach him, and tries it anyway, looking me straight in the eye the entire time. He's a good kid, very good in fact, but he has a hard time understanding what's acceptable behavior and what's not. Kids that age just react before they can process what's right and what's wrong.
I have to remind myself of that when I'm around other kids who tend to forget themselves. There is an age limit though on my acceptance. My husbands' friend has a 7 year old son and when he pushes my kids around I put my foot down, HARD. Good luck, it's tough situation. I didn't even tell my SIL when her daughter bit my son once. She was having trouble at the time (her daughter and my son were both 2) with her daughter biting. I know she would have been so upset to know that her daughter had bitten my son. He had no lasting damage, so I let it go. Good luck!!!!!
Hi Kelto, this is where I draw my line - people are free to discipline their children as they see fit UNTIL they mess with my children. If another child hurts my child and that parent does nothing, I will..... It has always worked for me. I just tell the child - "no, you cannot hit/push my child". My mother bear reflex is just too strong.
with two year olds, you can talk until you're blue in the face....
did anyone ask the two year old why he pushed your son? like, maybe your son actually did something that antagonized the 2 year old? i know he wouldn't have done it to be mean, but just in playing or being curious, or wanting the toy the 2 year old had and not understanding boundaries yet....
unfortunately, two year olds are like little neanderthals.... hit first, think about it much later! i know they understand the concept of not hitting, not pushing, not fighting.... but i think the lashing out (hitting, pushing, fighting) is instinctive. but i think the more a two year old is disciplined (lecture, time out) for lashing out, the more likely they are to think about it next time.
so to answer your question, you're not expecting too much! i would skip the mother completely and go straight to the 2 year old. ask him why he pushed your son, but ask him in a way that isn't accusing the 2 year old.... like ask if your son did something that upset the 2 year old? ask the 2 year old to please not push your son because it hurts him. ask him instead, to come and tell you if your son is bothering him and tell him you will take care of it. and do this in front of the mother so that she can hear everything you say. it might open her eyes to see that her son actually can be taught!
I have to say that I can go both ways. I totally stand by what I said before, but can see that point of view of the 2 last posters. I just want to say that had the incident happened with my 2 year old, and a another mother took it upon herself to try and discipline my child herself, there would be a throw down. My sil tried that once and she will never do it again. I TOTALLY agree with you that I would be ****** if another kid hit my lo, but if you were both in another room when it happened, I would give a little leeway, not a lot though! The mother really should have done something at that point. I would never have just let it go if I found out that my son hit another kid. Just be really really careful about how you approach it. I would talk to the mother first. If you try and approach the child, you may cause a an even bigger fight. I'm sure she's probably as protective of her child as you are of yours. Good luck, it's a tough spot. You just have to speak up and tell the mom that your kinda ticked that she handled it the way that she did.
I didn't suggest disciplining the child. I said the child needs to hear that he cannot hurt my child. Telling him this is not disciplining him.
I have to agree with Sannah. I would have a very hard time knowing my child got pushed down and the other child's parent didn't even say anything to their child. Yes, two year olds do not remember much and have to be told the same thing over and over again. But that is no excuse not to at least tell the child that pushing/hitting/kicking (whatever) is wrong. To say nothing to the child is basically the same as saying it is okay to do. Telling another person's child that it is not okay to hit your son is not disciplining them. It's just trying to help the child understand what is right and what is wrong.
I would just address her by saying "listen, I appreciate that your son is only 2, but we need to figure something out here, b/c I can't keep letting this happen. I don't want my son to think it's alright to push and I definitely don't want my son to get hurt." Something along those lines seems straight forward enough that hopefully she'll get it and do something about it so it doesn't happen again.
Thanks ladies. Good advice. Last time this happened, the 2 year old was pushing my son and taking toys away from him right in front of my face. I have said things to him like, "no..no...we share toys...and do not take them..." My son was sitting on a toy car and the 2 year old came right over and tried to push him off. The mother diverts him away from the toy and will calmly say ..."no Parker..." Parker then SCREAMS and throws a fit. Oh boy, I can't wait for the 2 year old stage!
Being a former teacher, I have no problems talking to other kids. I think it is just in my blood. I have gotten to the point that I don't even care what the other moms think. I am never mean, I am used to being really neutral when it comes to these things. But in this particular case, I think I am going to tell the mother that we need to keep a better eye on our two because my son keeps getting "hurt."