It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Parenting Issues Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 02-04-2008, 10:40 AM   #1
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: cleveland, oh
Posts: 4
citigirl HB User
Need some advice about teen behavior....

My teenage daughter spends alot of time in her room (you know kids today, they don't go out like we used to). When the "clutter" on her desk piles up, I straighten up the piles of notebooks and papers. This isn't what I'm worried about. I know I shouldn't snoop but when I read or look at the paperwork she sits in her room writing/drawing, I have new concerns. She constantly writes lists and plans on this "extravagant" lifestyle that consists of lists of clothes that she either wants to buy or wishes she had, usually totaling over $15k. The last I checked, the stars in Hollywood shopped like this. She also makes schedules out on "her travels", for example, landing in European cities on such and such date and time, among other trips only the rich and famous do. We do vacation every year inside the US and she's been to probably more states than most people her age. She also makes lists of kids names and rates them. Another one of her past times, is drawing and designing huge homes (mansions). I find alot of this behavior disturbing. Maybe she watches too much E! channel with the celebrities and wishes to be like one of them. I should mention that she has ALOT of papers pertaining to these types of things. My question, is this type of behavior, or fantasy world normal for a high schooler? I have confronted her a few times before over the last year, telling her that some make believe can be normal, but she's at the age now where she needs to focus on what is "REAL", like starting to think about what she wants to be and maybe thinking some about college and what she wants out of life. We played make believe too when young, but not by her age. Is this normal, or should I take her paper from her? My husband and I do feel lucky and grateful that she isn't getting into drugs, etc. and maybe this isn't that bad....what do you think?

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 02-04-2008, 10:48 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 6,178
Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Need some advice about teen behavior....

Hi, I wouldn't take it away from her or try to make her stop but I would certainly want to talk to her about it frequently.

 
Old 02-04-2008, 01:58 PM   #3
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: IL
Posts: 473
CaringMom HB User
Re: Need some advice about teen behavior....

I agree with Sannah. Just keep tabs on this. Obviously you can't stop her from doing this; they just go behind your back.
Do you think it's possible that she is planning for her future in a non direct way? Maybe this is what she hopes to do some day. You could bring that up. The fact that college will help her obtain these things.
I think many kids do this to some degree. I remember my daughters "rating" people and having a list of people they liked and didn't. It's part of growing up. If she begins to think she is living this lifestyle, then that's another story.
Keep your eyes and ears open. That's about all you can do for now as she is not doing anything wrong or hurting anyone.
By the way, how old is she?

 
Old 02-11-2008, 01:35 PM   #4
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,503
KeltoKel HB User
Re: Need some advice about teen behavior....

I have to ask if your daughter is a Leo? She reminds me of myself. I was a big dreamer and loved to dream about the same things.

I don't know how old your daughter is, but I think the best thing you can do is to see to it that your daughter learns about the value of money. Have her babysit or get a little job. Don't give her money or let her think that it grows on trees.

I learned at a young age that if I wanted nice things, I had to work for them. I was the first of my friends to have a Swatch watch, a Liz Claiborne purse, Guess jeans, etc. (Am I dating myself?) However, I worked and earned all of these things. It was the best lesson I ever learned.

Now as an adult, I still love those expensive things, but I choose to stay home with my son instead of work, and we can't afford the fancy things right now. Some women can't resist these things and end up with credit card debt.

I think what your daughter is doing is normal, considering TV and pop culture now a days, but it is your responsibility as the parent to keep her grounded.

Best of luck.

 
Old 02-11-2008, 02:26 PM   #5
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: houston, tx, usa
Posts: 992
mcr285 HB Usermcr285 HB User
Re: Need some advice about teen behavior....

the other posters are absolutely right about not trying to stop her dreaming....

keltokel's suggestion of teaching her the value of money is a fabulous idea. i started babysitting by age 9, and had quite a racket going by the time i was 16!

one thing i would suggest is to talk to her about her dreams and start looking into ways she can channel her skills into some sort of future career. if her drawings are good, why not talk to her about taking some art classes, or even drafting or architechture (sorry, no idea how to spell it!)? there's also interior design school, fashion school, commercial advertising..... if she is an artist and a dreamer, all kinds of doors are just waiting to be opened to her!

definitely don't stop her from dreaming. talk to her about her dreams and her goals for her future. help her start setting realistic goals of how she can accomplish some of those dreams.

 
Old 02-12-2008, 07:19 AM   #6
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: cleveland, oh
Posts: 4
citigirl HB User
Re: Need some advice about teen behavior....

Quote:
Originally Posted by KeltoKel View Post
I have to ask if your daughter is a Leo? She reminds me of myself. I was a big dreamer and loved to dream about the same things.

I don't know how old your daughter is, but I think the best thing you can do is to see to it that your daughter learns about the value of money. Have her babysit or get a little job. Don't give her money or let her think that it grows on trees.

I learned at a young age that if I wanted nice things, I had to work for them. I was the first of my friends to have a Swatch watch, a Liz Claiborne purse, Guess jeans, etc. (Am I dating myself?) However, I worked and earned all of these things. It was the best lesson I ever learned.

Now as an adult, I still love those expensive things, but I choose to stay home with my son instead of work, and we can't afford the fancy things right now. Some women can't resist these things and end up with credit card debt.

I think what your daughter is doing is normal, considering TV and pop culture now a days, but it is your responsibility as the parent to keep her grounded.

Best of luck.

 
Old 02-12-2008, 07:29 AM   #7
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: cleveland, oh
Posts: 4
citigirl HB User
Re: Need some advice about teen behavior....

Thanks KeltoKel. Actually, she isn't a Leo, but close. She is actually one of the few teenage girls, who do not get everything handed down to her. She gets allowance for keeping her room clean and a few other household chores done weekly. She babysits for a little boy next door once in awhile and takes after me with saving her money. When she does go shopping, she spends rather wisely. I've talked to her about credit cards and how important getting one in your late teens is, to establish "hopefully good" credit, like I did. I was somewhat like yourself when I was younger too, enjoying spending on me, but then after your children come along, your priorities change. I am a stay at home mom too now. I love it! I am hoping my good saving and spending habits will rub off on my daughter, they have so far. I think her dreaming is from part boredom and today's television with the starlets....but hope she understands the difference between her real life and what celebrities have and hopefully she will just be happy being herself.

 
Old 02-12-2008, 10:19 AM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: San Diego, California
Posts: 1,530
AlexaIn2006 HB UserAlexaIn2006 HB UserAlexaIn2006 HB User
Re: Need some advice about teen behavior....

The dreaming part is good, I dreamed large and I still continue to do that. It can be motivation for me to achieve goals. It just isn't about money, but the security of knowing that I don't have to worry day to day. Just turn on the television.....what shows does she watch, because we are surrounded by these lifestyles on TV. Laguna Beach, The Hills, The Housewives of Orange County, just to name a few. Just ask her what her plans are for when she turns 18. What are her educational goals? I would focus on that.....My parents also talked to be about credit and I got a credit card during my senior year in high school, I never used it until a year later when I was in the military. Even then, I would spend $50 - $75.00 on myself once a month and pay it off. It came in handy when I need to purchase car insurance (in order to take home my new car) for my first car I bought on my own and for my first computer. Make sure she understands that she may need it for things like that and not to use it frivolously.

 
Old 02-25-2008, 01:03 PM   #9
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,260
jmcummins3 HB User
Re: Need some advice about teen behavior....

My teenage daughter is the same way! Personally, I don't discourage her from "dreaming" big and am glad she sets her expectations high, because with high expectations comes high goals for achieving them and a high level of effort. I don't squash her dreams by limiting her to MY reality, even though I happen to be comfortable with it and it's not a bad life for me and my family, although we're not the Hilton's. I encourage her to make good choices, get good grades, go to college, and pursue a career that will support her expectations in life and allow her to be independent, because the goal of marrying a rich guy who might be a gigantic loser really isn't worth the hassle or something she can be proud of...LOL! I also talk to her about her dreams, things going on at school, etc. and use them as teaching tools to discuss things like drugs, alcohol, inappropriate sexual behavior and other things that would limit her potential that she needs to steer clear from and make good choices - not just because I say they're wrong, but because they don't fit into her future goals and expectations for her life. Teaching her the value of money and making good financial decisions and encouraging her to not only dream big but come up with a long-term plan for achieving her dreams and recognizing that things like drugs, alcohol, pregnancy, AIDS, etc. would hinder her efforts, are the best things you can do for your daughter.

If she's like my daughter who is determined that she will one day be the next American Idol...LOL...encourage her that, while her talent is remarkable, for every one person who makes it on American Idol, there are thousands of others who are just as talented who don't make it and need to rely on a back-up plan for a comfortable life. The very talented kid who lived in his car hanging all hope on becoming the next American Idol is an excellent teaching tool of why it's important to have a back-up plan, even if you're talented. I was sorry he didn't make it, he was good and what a success story that would have been, but I couldn't have set up a better real-life teaching tool for my daugther! So while she's pursuing her dream of making it in the big time, she also needs to be pursuing her "realistic" back-up plan that involves college or an acceptable alternative "just in case" the rock star gig doesn't work out for her. I also let my daughter know that, while we may not have the money of the Spears family, we're much happier with much less, so being "regular" isn't all that bad of an alternative either. I don't squash her dreams of making it big, but I encourage her to have a realistic back-up plan and have appropriate boundaries and not do anything she wouldn't be proud of.

On a side note, if you're concerned about things like drugs, alcohol, inappropriate sexual behavior, etc. then you have every right to search her room - it's your house and if there is something inappropriate or illegal going on in your house, every room is fair game. But, unless she gives you permission to straighten up her desk and confront her about anything and everything on it, going through her things will only create a lack of trust in your relationship with her in the long run. It's her stuff and it isn't illegal or detrimental to her well-being that requires intervention. If it bothers you that her room is a mess, it's her responsibility to clean it to your satisfaction, not your job to clean it for her anymore. Reserve the right to go through YOUR house and every room in it and let her know that you will exercise that right anytime you feel it necessary, but give her some privacy if she is trustworthy for the most part. If you continue to put down the things that she does and confront her, it will make her feel embarrassed or have to "justify" things that are probably just play things and no big deal to her anyway, and she'll think you'll over-react about the things that do matter. And, cleaning her room is part of her allowance, so don't come in behind her and straighten up what she didn't do a good enough job on; her boss won't do that for her when she's older. If you're concerned about something illegal or detrimental to her well-being, search her room; if your only concern is her "diva" status, count your blessings that you have a good kid, indulge her in the diva dreams of "wouldn't it be nice", focus on reality not being all that bad either because you're happy, talk to her about boundaries and being proud of your success, and encourage her to find a "grounded" back-up plan that she can pursue "just in case."

 
Old 04-05-2008, 11:11 AM   #10
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Illinois
Posts: 67
Heavnlyhart2 HB User
Thumbs up Re: Need some advice about teen behavior....

citigirl
I would credit her for an imagination. The way I take it in other words is getting into the fashion industry, she sounds creative if she can draw mansions and stuff. Which may sound appealing to her of the glamour scene...traveling Paris the biggest industry. Try this and see take her to the store get a pattern (do you know about sewing?) if you do great, if you don't have someone show you if you have no clue you may have to learn to teach your daughter to make it could be a project for you and her to do together make some clothes let her ideas run wild she may be a famous designer someday ...... It is possible!!!!!! Look at it in a positive way and work with it you never know until you try....good luck!!!

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
i really really hate my brother... i need some advice thisguy13 Relationship Health 6 12-04-2009 09:25 PM
ADD or ADHD - Have teen with extreme anger issues, new to this need advice? jr2212 ADD / ADHD 11 10-04-2008 11:27 AM
I need help.... any advice please! jovins mom Autism Spectrum 7 08-13-2008 10:52 PM
Bi-Polar teen advice jewelies Bipolar Disorder 6 02-09-2007 05:41 AM
i need help before i burst!! charlatans Relationship Health 204 04-26-2006 06:43 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:22 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!