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Old 03-13-2008, 04:10 PM   #1
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hshaw03 HB User
my 6 year old battles me with everything what should I do

my 6 year old battles me with everything, sassy, fits, nasty words, plain mean, I am constantly having to repeat myself! I am tired of it. It makes it really hard to want to sit with her and have one on one time because she has driven me crazy! Please Help!

 
Old 03-14-2008, 11:25 AM   #2
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Re: my 6 year old battles me with everything what should I do

Hi, do you negotiate with her? What I think works is consequences right away after you tell them twice. If you do negotiate it erodes your authority as a parent. All of the behavior that you mention I would answer with consequences. I think that you have to draw very clear lines about what is acceptable and teach them this and use consequences if you have to. You have to follow up every time too.

 
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Old 03-14-2008, 12:22 PM   #3
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Re: my 6 year old battles me with everything what should I do

My 6 year old loves to debate me on everything. It would drive me crazy that she would debate with me, but when her father speaks to her there are no questions asked. Luckily she hasn't gotten too nasty yet with her words (we keep the language very clean at home), but she does have quite an attitude and doesn't like it one bit when she doesn't get her way.

I find I have to be very consistent with my consiquences for her. Like Sannah said, if you negotiate even once with them then they know they have that "power" and they will do it over and over again. It will eventually wear you down and you will eventually give in just so you don't have to hear it anymore. It is a power struggle and as a parent you have to set the boudaries and enforce them consistently.

For every negative action there is a consiquence. It is the same whether it comes from me or her father. She knows what to expect so there are no surprises. She will still try to negotiate with me but I ignore all the pleads and demands. If I got into with her then she gets an "in". When all is calmed down her father or I (whoever did the consiquence) will talk to her about it.

 
Old 03-14-2008, 06:22 PM   #4
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Red face Re: my 6 year old battles me with everything what should I do

Well I do my best not to negotiate with her, but I do find myself doing that a lot. I get to feeling guilty and want to hear what she has to say thinking it may be better if I hear her out. But it is not, she just adds more to the argument with backtalk and being a smart-alec. So then I get even more frustrated! Last night things got so bad that my husband and I took every toy, tv , colors , books etc away from her and made her get up this morning and do work around the house to earn them back. She did and she earned every thing back except her TV. My husband and I are trying to get our girls to sleep in their own room and he does not feel that they need to watch a movie to go to bed, they have been doing that all along but usually in our room. Anyway I am now having a hard time coping with the my babies not being in my room, I know this is for the best but it will take some time for me to adjust. I have a 2 year old as well as my 6 year old and she is learning everything that big sister is doing. I hate to blame my 6 year old but it is the truth. How do you deal with all this? I feel like Im being horribly mean but they need to understand that they do not run the house me and my husband do. This is taking a toll on me. Thanks for your responses!

 
Old 03-15-2008, 05:16 AM   #5
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Re: my 6 year old battles me with everything what should I do

You are not being mean hshaw03. Kids need boundaries and they are going to test them anyway they can. Don't you remember being like that with your parents when you were growing up?

I have two daughters as well. One will be 7 in August and the other will be 2 in June. My girls share a bedroom, do yours'? What has worked for us is that there is not a television in the girls' room. They each have certain shows they like to watch and therefore their "tv time" will go along with those shows. My older daughter (not so much my younger one because she's not old enough to understand) will lose her tv time or her computer game time for talking back. There is NO debate about it because she knows the consiquence. There are also certain things that are expected of her on a daily basis. She makes her bed, sets the table for dinner, makes sure her room is clean, etc.. We have a very established routine which I think helps a lot with the sassiness. She knows what to expect.

I'll give you a basic rundown of our day. The girls are up early, always have been. Breakfast is usually on the table by 6:30am. They eat and while I help to dress my younger daughter my older daughter goes to get herself dressed and make her bed. When she comes downstairs she brushes her hair and teeth. On a school day she will make sure her lunch (that I made when she was doing her thing) is in her backpack with everything else she needs for the day. The bus picks her up by 8:15am and she gets dropped off by 3:45pm. She will come home, have a small snack, and play with her sister. Dinner is on the table by 5:30pm. She will take a bath or shower after and get dressed, and brush her teeth and hair. When she is done with that it's around 6:30pm and her sister goes to bed. She will read me a story at night. When she is done reading I will let her watch Hannah Montana before she goes to bed. The only days that are different are the weekends, but I keep the activities going. She is very crafty so I keep the "art cart" stocked for her.

I hope that was able to help. Establishing a routine takes time. The girls will not like the change right away and they will try to get you to bend the rules. But you can't expect them to all of a sudden go along with a new plan and not try to fight you. That is where you need to be consistent. If bedtime is 8:00pm then that is it. There is no arguing for a movie. If they cry, let them cry from bed. It won't hurt them. That is you showing them this is the rule and this is how it is. Bend that rule once they will keep pushing until the rule no longer stands, you know? Talk to your husband and figure out what king of routine works for your family because every family is different. Realize it will take a couple of weeks for the girls to get use to it and expect them (the older one especially) to try to push buttons. If you stand your ground every time they will get over it.

 
Old 03-16-2008, 05:48 AM   #6
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Re: my 6 year old battles me with everything what should I do

Have you tried 1-2-3 Magic? I know there is a book and DVD out there. It is a way of using discipline so that the arguing other behavioral problems can stop. It puts them in control of their "fate" so to speak. Instead of answering your daughter back, you just say to her - "that's a 1" if she keeps at it, "that is a 2" if you get to 3 - there is a consequence. She may have a "1" at 10 a.m. and at 11 a.m. she would be at a "2". It shows her she is skating on thin ice and she better not get to "3" or she will have to pay the consequence.

And, oh goodness, don't feel guilty about anything you are doing. You need to raise your daughter to learn to accept rules and consequences. That is what life is all about. I am sure she is in school now, how does she do there?

Last edited by KeltoKel; 03-16-2008 at 05:51 AM.

 
Old 03-17-2008, 08:53 AM   #7
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Re: my 6 year old battles me with everything what should I do

Quote:
Originally Posted by hshaw03 View Post
I get to feeling guilty and want to hear what she has to say thinking it may be better if I hear her out.

Anyway I am now having a hard time coping with the my babies not being in my room, I know this is for the best but it will take some time for me to adjust.

I hate to blame my 6 year old but it is the truth.

I feel like Im being horribly mean but they need to understand that they do not run the house me and my husband do.
Hi Shaw, have you looked closely at what might be going on with you concerning all of this? I hear a mom who isn't comfortable being in authority? Do you think that you don't know best? If what I am hearing is a mom who isn't comfortable, then you want to give your daughter the responsibilities do you think? She is not capable of this. If you can find a way to feel more comfortable with your authority and take control, this will turn the whole situation around quite nicely. Children want their parents in charge. They feel very safe and cared for with this arrangement.

Last edited by Sannah; 03-17-2008 at 08:53 AM.

 
Old 03-17-2008, 10:22 AM   #8
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Re: my 6 year old battles me with everything what should I do

I am having similiar problems with my 5 year old dd. We went to the psychologist. He recommended give her 3 min. time-outs every time she doesn't want to do what she should. He also suggested turn off tv at the time we want her to go to bed i.e. house should be a boring place in the evening. We have a long way to go though, but that is what I can suggest.

 
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