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Old 03-25-2008, 06:43 PM   #1
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Reasons for having kids....

Who do we have kids?

I'm due to get married next month and I'd love nothing more than a family. A husband, 3 kids, a dog and a cat in a nice loving house that is our home. And a car in the driveway !

In my 24 years, I've yet to feel broody. Before I met my OH (that's Other Half), I never thought about having children, infact, I was sure I didn't want any.

Although I've never felt the biological urge to be pregnant and have a baby, I have always wanted to rectify my parents mistakes by becoming a (good) parent myself, if that makes any sense. I am a good aunty though and am proud of my relationship with my niece.

I was always told that I would want kids when I met the right person and that has become apparant.

Don't get me wrong, I am in love with my OH, truly with him and not with the idea of the happy family I just described.

I never had a good relationship with my parents, none of my siblings have and I've seen my eldest sister made some bad choices just to get out of certain situations and it breaks my heart to see her unhappy. We've always felt that our mother shouldn't have been allowed to have kids.

So, why do you guys have kids?

 
Old 03-25-2008, 07:08 PM   #2
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Re: Reasons for having kids....

Because anyone that knows me will tell you that before I could walk or talk I wanted to be a mommy LOL.

That was my mission in life to have kids. And I was blessed with twins! They are my life. If you don't fell the "urge" don't do it because its what you think is expected of you.

 
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Old 03-25-2008, 08:15 PM   #3
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Re: Reasons for having kids....

I think there's a right time in your life for everything. Now, you're excited about getting married and starting your life with another person. You get to enjoy your wedding, honeymoon, the ups (and downs) of being newlyweds. You can work on your careers. You can travel if you want, fix up a house, there are loads of possibilities. When you've been married for awhile and enjoyed those aspects of just the two of you, then perhaps you will begin to feel that "biological" urge, as you put it. The fact that you have a desire to have a family says that someday, that feeling will come. But there's no rush, just relax and wait for it to feel right. Don't get caught up worrying that you should feel something that you don't. I just got married last July, and I want nothing more than to have a family--someday. But there's so much i want to do first..i want to get a masters degree and visit hawaii and aruba and maybe italy and buy a house and fix it up and just...be selfish for awhile...as terrible as that might sound, it wouldn't be fair to me or to a child if I spent my life wishing I'd done certain things before being a mommy. Just relax and enjoy!

 
Old 03-25-2008, 08:16 PM   #4
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Re: Reasons for having kids....

Quote:
Originally Posted by doublesma View Post
If you don't fell the "urge" don't do it because its what you think is expected of you.

No, I don't want kids just because social society expects me to.

I would like kids, but I've yet to feel broody or to feel that overwhelming biological urge.

I have PCOS so conceiving will be more challenging. There is a chance that I am infertile and that scares me. I won't know whether I can or can not have children until I start trying to get pregnant.

 
Old 03-25-2008, 10:16 PM   #5
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Re: Reasons for having kids....

Hey Princessanna: Just wanted to give a few words of encouragement. First, you can have children with PCOS. I know this from experience. I have had PCOS for 20 years and I have a beautiful daughter. Believe me, when the time is right and you and your OH are ready, a good OB/GYN can help you.

I also agree with the rest here that nobody has to have children if they don't want to and even if you do, you don't have to have them right away. Just enjoy being together for a while. You won't get the chance as much after you have a child. It does change your life. For me it has been worth every second.

Good luck in your future and enjoy your new life that's ahead.

 
Old 03-26-2008, 06:43 AM   #6
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Re: Reasons for having kids....

Don't have children because you want to "rectify" your parent's mistakes with you. That is not a good reason and will leave you feeling resentful.

You are only 24 years old. You have plenty of years to worry about having a child when/if that urge ever hits you. But please do be sure that you do in fact have that urge. Not everyone is meant to be a parent and that is okay. Society makes us think that we are "suppose" to get married and have children, but not everyone is wired like that.

I had children because I always wanted to. I always saw myself as a mother. I am a giver and a nurturer and I put everyone before myself. That is just how I am.

Look forward to your wedding and spend some time just enjoying your "honeymoon". You don't have to start having children just because you go married. Take a few years and see if you ever get that urge. Until then don't worry about so much.

 
Old 03-26-2008, 07:58 AM   #7
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Re: Reasons for having kids....

I agree, I don't think wanting to show your parents that you can do it better is not a good enough reason to have kids.

You say you're not feeling broody or having that biological urge to have kids. I would suggest then, to not have any kids until you do feel those things. Those are really the only good reasons to have kids. Because you've built something of worth and you've got a solid, healthy life going and you want to share it and pass it on and you're ready to make the sacrifices necessary to be a good parent. You want to spend your evenings doing dishes and packing lunches. You want to be the house everyone gathers at on Christmas eve. You want to go to PTA meetings and read bedtime stories and sit up all night nursing a fever and you want to change poopy diapers because you want all that goes with it. A family, people who mean the world to you, people you love so much it hurts, the people who will be there holding your hand when you leave this world. The good, the bad, the ugly, with all its rewards and challenges. It's a lifetime endeavor and the hardest job you'll ever have. I don't suggest taking it on until you know in your gut (and your uterus) that it's what you MUST do to feel whole and complete. That was the first word Madonna said after Lourdes was born. Her friend asked her how she felt and she said "complete." Don't have kids to fill a void, to make up for something in your past, to try to cure or fix anything. A baby does not deserve to come into the world having been given a job to do by his/her parents. All it deserves is to be loved unconditionally and parents willing to lay down their very lives for him/her.

 
Old 03-27-2008, 06:47 PM   #8
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Re: Reasons for having kids....

Thanks, guys.

If I am really honest, I would love my own baby. I do get bouts of broodiness but also I am very scared of WANTING a child or admit to wanting one, just incase I can't have children of my own. I'm terrified of the ups and down of trying to conceive and the devastation that goes with it. This is why I know I am not emotionally equipped to go through the IVF route, because I know it's not a magic wand.

Thanks for your words of encouragement, cmpgirl, you give me hope and inspiration.

I won't try for a family now, infact, I'm years from it.

It looks like we will spend the beginnings of married life living apart as buying a property in London seems impossible. We were initially going to rent but paying someone elses mortgage is dead money so we've decided to save that to buy our own. So it's hardly the right time to start trying for a family.

What I mean by 'rectifying my parents mistakes' was when I see certain difficult situations, I always wonder how I'd handle it if my child were to, say, ask me if their partner can stay the night etc, and then I'd compare my hypothetical reaction to my parents. Perhaps I'm strange !!!!

 
Old 03-28-2008, 07:00 AM   #9
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Re: Reasons for having kids....

You want kids. I don't know what a "biological urge" or feeling "broody" means. Is that a physical feeling? Or an emotional feeling? You want kids, you are just scared that you can't have them. You can't worry about something that hasn't happened yet (we women tend to do that don't we?) You'll have to crose that bridge when you get to it.

I wouldn't worry about not having some illusive feeling.

 
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