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Old 06-22-2008, 05:18 AM   #1
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WorriednNervous HB User
Why does my 8 yr old son cry so much...

I won't say its all the time because I know its not all day everyday. But here in the past few months he seems to cry over every little thing. Anything that even in the remote sense could be negative to him he starts bawling. Here are some examples:

Getting ready for church son comes in with a button down shirt on that is to tight and to short. Tell son to please change his shirt because this one does not fit anymore. In starts the crying.

He tells me he can't find his shoes. Its 1 1/2 hours before we even have to go anywhere. I tell him give me a few minutes because we don't have to go anywhere yet and before it gets time to leave I will find the shoes. He starts crying.

There is a machine that I bought 1 1/2mths ago. I have told him repeatedly to please not mess with this. It cost me a lot of money and I don't have the money to replace it. I see him playing with it again. I ask him to please not mess with it. He starts crying again.

These are the most recent. I just don't know whats going on with him. This has recently started in the past few months. I have no idea what is going on its almost like what I as a female went through at puberty. But he is an 8 year old boy. Can someone please shed some light on this issue for me.

 
Old 06-22-2008, 12:42 PM   #2
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jozi209 HB User
Re: Why does my 8 yr old son cry so much...

Crying releases cortisol (the stress hormone), so it would seem that he is under stress - his crying is probably unrelated to the actual task at hand (ie/ not finding shoes).
Have there been any life changes for him recently? anyone died/moved away/school issues (could he be getting picked on?) changes between yours and your spouse's relationship? Is there anybody he is hanging out with that may be taking advantage of or abusing him? Neighbours, relatives, family friends?
What is your response to him crying?

 
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Old 06-22-2008, 12:54 PM   #3
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WorriednNervous HB User
Re: Why does my 8 yr old son cry so much...

Right now it is summer break so no school. Tho we did have some issues in school with his grades and thats it. According to the school he is quite popular.

No one has died or moved recently. Tho there has been talk in the past few weeks about possibly moving into a place that we can buy. But that talk came after the crying stuff started.

No real change (as in negative) with me or my husband (his dad). In fact for the past 1 1/2 - 2 years our relationship has improved quite a bit.

I don't really work so more often then not we are home. There are not many kids in the neighborhood but the few that are here he gets along well with. And because I don't work or go anywhere he hardly ever goes to a sitter. And when we do need one he goes to one of my only 2 friends houses. And those 2 are people I trust totally. 1 has 2 teenage daughters and the other 3 young sons the same age as my boys.

My response to the crying. Dumbfiunded and confused. I try to ask him why he is crying but he says he does not know. I called and asked my mom if she has dealt with this with my other son (long story there but she has guardianship of him since he was 6 mths old and he is fixing to be 11). And she said she went through the same thing when he was around this age. So maybe its a phase or something.

 
Old 06-25-2008, 01:38 PM   #4
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Re: Why does my 8 yr old son cry so much...

I pray it's a phase because I have a similar situation. My son is 6 and he pouts pretty much whenever he doesn't get a way. What's really weird is that when he was 4, I kind of thought I was training him to NOT pout because I would say no to lots of little things to get him to just move on. Can I have juice? No, have water. Can I play this? No, play something else for a while... and at that age he was doing really well with it. But in the last year he's turned into "Super Pout" and he ruins the time for everyone. He wants to play with something but his little sister wants to the be color he wanted and suddenly he doesn't want to play anymore. He doesn't cry unless he gets a consequence he doesn't like (no dessert or not getting to do something fun)... but the pouting itself is terrible to deal with.

Whether something happened to trigger it, who knows. It just seems like it started a long time ago and gets worse and worse every day. I am dying for some awesome suggestions for how to help him react better to disappointment.

 
Old 06-28-2008, 09:32 PM   #5
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jinx2418 HB User
Re: Why does my 8 yr old son cry so much...

I agree with jozi209. My son is eight, and a few months ago it was the same thing with him. Everything made him cry. I asked him if he wanted crackers, he said no, I asked if he wanted something else and he started crying.

I have a hard time saying this, but here goes. I truly believe in some ways I was stressing my son out. I was very stressed myself and unintentionally, he got the tail end of it. I was very short and abrupt with him, I didn't really want to be bothered. So when he comes to talk to me, he's stressed. And we have talked about it since, and these are his thoughts on the matter: He knows I'm tired and sick (I have a thyroid problem, hence the irritability, which i didnt know about at the time) so he doesn't want to upset me or make me in pain. So when he comes to me and says, mom can I.... nevermind... its not that he's being rude or weird or difficult, it's that he truly doesn't want to bother me because he loves me.

Not saying it has anything to do with you, it might not. I do suggest however, when he is calm, to talk to him. I can't talk to my son when he's upset and crying. He says the same thing, that he doesn't know why. So, give him some time to calm down, get him a drink, take him to wash his face and just console him. I try to distract him also so that he stops. Or I tell him to breathe and calm down. He says he can't, but I tell him that he can if he wants to, he just has to think hard enough about stopping, and he will. When he's calm, ask him gentle questions about if anything is bothering him or why he's so sad all the time. He may tell you, he may not.

Another suggestion is maybe there are problems outside the home that are bothering him such as friends, maybe even the grades at school. At this age, school work attributes for a large part of their self-esteem. My son also told me that the reason he gets so mad at people and doesn't want to play with them is because they annoy him and that he thinks they are immature. He walks home from school and he came home one day crying and head hanging so low it was pathetic! I asked him what was wrong, but it was the well known "nothing". I simply told him that when he's ready, to come talk to me and he did a few minutes later and told me the whole story. It was due to teasing and feeling like nobody liked him.

Also, last one I promise, he could write in a feelings book. That's what we call it. When my son is mad, sad, or anything, he is given the option to write in his feeling book. He doesn't always want to at the time, but I see him take it and write in it later!! It helps them to get out whatever they are feeling in a private way. Sometimes they are ashamed or embarrassed to tell us, so let him think that you won't read it, and when he's not around, read it. I only say that because he is still 8 and you need to know what is going on with your son.

I hope some of those things can help. My son has gotten better by using most of these techniques.

 
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