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Old 03-31-2009, 05:40 PM   #1
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annoyed by irresponsible son

MY almost 18 year old son who does nothing but hang out with friends can't be bothered to get a job because he is lazy and cares more about his social life believes he is depressed...having suffered this for most of my life i can tell you that i may not be certified to diagnose him but can tell you he is seeking attention and i am annoyed. He goes on about it and instead of changing his personal life does nothing to change it! he has also just been diagnosed as having mono and has been in his room for almost 4 days because he is sick with it and should be resting. i think the mono is mainly causing this feeling. I guess the reason i am annoyed is because i find this insulting. Insulting to people who really are suffering and not just looking for any attention they can find. He blogs about how his life is so depressing and horrible...when really he is spoiled and upset because he cant do the things he has always done...have a social life. I am very angry about this because i can bet he isn't suffering from depression so much as having mono and wanting people to feel sorry for him. He shows no "real" signs of depression and is doing the "poor me" attention seeking. I know this may sound mean but for real sufferers its an insult!

 
Old 04-01-2009, 04:12 PM   #2
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Re: annoyed by "depressed" son

I understand that it would be insulting. I was never diagnosed with depression, but I did talk to a counselor about it. You know your son better than anybody else possibly could, however, maybe you should sit down and talk with him and find out what in his life is so terrible that he feels like he's depressed. You never know, something could've happened at school, or he may just be feeling down. As a mother it's your job to be able to talk to your children, whether or not you're annoyed with them. Just try to be a little understanding, no matter how insulting it may be. There's no worse feeling than not being able to feel like your parents are taking you seriously when you say you feel like something is wrong with you.

 
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Old 04-02-2009, 09:53 AM   #3
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Re: annoyed by "depressed" son

I think Dorkster's advice is great. When I was first diagnosed with my depression/anxiety disorder my mother felt awful because I had tried to reach out to her but she was dealing with her own depression and anxiety and would always say to me "what do you have to be stressed out about?" when I'd say I was stressed.

When I finally went to the doctor myself and was diagnosed she felt AWFUL. To this day she feels terrible and guilty about it. She's pretty guilty I'm on medication to begin with, because she feels it's her fault when really, it's something both sides of my family have dealt with.

Talk to your son and find try to get to the bottom of it. He might just be seeking attention (which you're right IS insulting with people pull the depression card when they're not and know they're not), but something else might be bothering him.

 
Old 04-03-2009, 12:55 AM   #4
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Re: annoyed by "depressed" son

I agree with the others. I think when you are suffering from depression yourself, it's sometimes hard to see how anyone else could feel as bad as you do. I know when I'm suffering I think I'm the only one in the world who feels like this and it's coming to places like this that reminds me I'm not on my own and that depression is really common. Not to mention that your just not in the right mental space to be able to cope with someone else's illness on top of your own.

Because depression can be hereditary or caused by a chemical imbalance, wealth is often no indicator of who will suffer and what can seem insignificant to you, could be huge to your son. Especially as he is just becoming a man and a whole new set of adult expectations are being placed on him.

I would try to get him to get his problem diagnosed by a doctor so you can both actually get an idea of what is really troubling him and start treating it. You could also encourage him to write on places like this so he can talk through his problems with other suffers.

 
Old 04-03-2009, 08:25 AM   #5
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Re: annoyed by "depressed" son

I cannot talk about the depression, but I don't hear you dealing with his Mono. If he truly has Mono, it really can be a debilitating disease. I had it year ago, so bad that my husband had to help to to the bathroom, I couldn't walk by myself, Mono can take all the strength out of you and if this is the case, he is dealing with a double whammy!

Sunny

 
Old 04-03-2009, 08:40 AM   #6
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Re: annoyed by "depressed" son

Mono is can be very debilitating and the patient should rest because it affects the internal organs. I am sorry you feel this way about your son...if he is reaching out to others with whatever objectionable attitude you have determined then I feel sorry for him. So what if he is telling others he is depressed it is his feelings. I personally would not dwell on this because for the most part children mimic what they see as they grow up and if he saw you depressed most of the time then he too knows how to be depressed....he learned it from you. Mono can take a long, long time to work through the body and settle down....months. So stop reading his blogs and stop judging him and just love him. When his mono is in remission then it is time for some Tough Love....he will have to get a job....or leave home that is up to you. It might help you to read the book Tough Love and start preparing yourself and him for when it is time to leave home. Focus on the future and never compare your depression to others....everyone's journey in life is different...and it sounds like your son is struggling.

 
Old 06-03-2009, 08:33 AM   #7
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Re: annoyed by "depressed" son

if he was depressed the LAST thing he would be worried about is his social life !!!! trust me!!!
when you are truly depressed you do anything and everything you possibly can to AVOID friends and social situations to be ALONE. in other words.. it sounds like he is full of crap., sorry

 
Old 06-03-2009, 10:11 AM   #8
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Re: annoyed by "depressed" son

I have to agree with you. Greg

Quote:
Originally Posted by uro1234 View Post
if he was depressed the LAST thing he would be worried about is his social life !!!! trust me!!!

 
Old 06-03-2009, 11:08 AM   #9
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Re: annoyed by "depressed" son

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dorkster View Post
You know your son better than anybody else possibly could, however, maybe you should sit down and talk with him and find out what in his life is so terrible that he feels like he's depressed. You never know, something could've happened at school, or he may just be feeling down. As a mother it's your job to be able to talk to your children, whether or not you're annoyed with them. Just try to be a little understanding, no matter how insulting it may be. There's no worse feeling than not being able to feel like your parents are taking you seriously when you say you feel like something is wrong with you.

Agreed....

 
Old 06-05-2009, 10:37 AM   #10
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Lightbulb Re: annoyed by "depressed" son

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnD View Post
Mono is can be very debilitating and the patient should rest because it affects the internal organs. I am sorry you feel this way about your son...if he is reaching out to others with whatever objectionable attitude you have determined then I feel sorry for him. So what if he is telling others he is depressed it is his feelings. I personally would not dwell on this because for the most part children mimic what they see as they grow up and if he saw you depressed most of the time then he too knows how to be depressed....he learned it from you. Mono can take a long, long time to work through the body and settle down....months. So stop reading his blogs and stop judging him and just love him. When his mono is in remission then it is time for some Tough Love....he will have to get a job....or leave home that is up to you. It might help you to read the book Tough Love and start preparing yourself and him for when it is time to leave home. Focus on the future and never compare your depression to others....everyone's journey in life is different...and it sounds like your son is struggling.
I agree with the above comments with regard to the physical and mental aspects of MONO. Secondly a comment was made that if you son were really depressed he wouldn't be worried about his social life.

edited


Depression can manifest itself in very differently in children and adolescents than it does in adults. Depressed kid s can be and often are very distressed about their social lives - They can also engage in all kinds of behaviors that would not even occur to a depressed adult. The brain chemistry of an adolescent is very different than an adults. While I'm sure you may feel annoyed with his behavior remember that as a parent your life is not all about you but it is about what's best for your child. I would suggest you get him into a therapist right away as many young people have trouble talking with their parents about their mental health especially when their parents clearly have their own mental health issues. I know this from personal experience as I grew up with a Bi-polar mother who refused to seek help for herself and made the lives of her children miserable.

While my depression is in remission at this time it still rears it's ugly head from time to time. I know what it's like to live in world without color. But through years of therapy and at times medication - I have reached a point where I don't visit my illness on the people I love.

Peace

Hppygr8ful

Last edited by Administrator; 12-13-2009 at 06:44 PM.

 
Old 06-07-2009, 04:29 PM   #11
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Re: annoyed by "depressed" son

Hayleysamantha, I am really appalled by your post.

First of all, mono by itself is a terrible illness - it can last for months and months and lead to serious long-term side effects, including chronic fatigue syndrome.

Secondly, you are right - you are NOT a doctor and you can't tell what your son is feeling by looking at him.

Depression doesn't have the same symptoms in everyone, and you don't have a corner on suffering. He probably is truly depressed, and probably inherited it from you.

A depressed person may seem "lazy".

A depressed person can hang out with friends and laugh and joke and seem "happy".

A depressed person can be very annoying, whiny, and self-centered.

A healthy person doesn't need to be nagged to get a job; he has natural energy and drive and wants to get ahead. A depressed person doesn't see any hope or happiness in the future and doesn't see the point in getting a job. It's just a humongous chore, a place where you go every day to act fake and cheerful so they won't fire you. It's exhausting.

It's time for your son to move out - and get away from you. Then maybe he can start to get some medical help.

 
Old 11-05-2009, 09:39 PM   #12
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Re: annoyed by "depressed" son

I have been quote "a depressant" for almost 17 years. Never really took to the term because i've always been able to deal with it on my own. I have a brother who is quite a bit younger than me who is displaying the same signs but who is too scared to admit it. He displays laziness, and unwillingness to do the work presented to him in college. At first i thought he is just being lazy and was angry with him. But as i look further it seems that boys or men seem to have a more difficult time coping with the symptoms than women. Sounds sexist I know but having lived with it so long I can seem to pinpoint it much easier. So it may be depression not laziness but as I said the male gender deals with it much differently. They can't seem to express how they are feeling like we do.

 
Old 11-06-2009, 08:25 AM   #13
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Re: annoyed by "depressed" son

Arggg he hasn't had mono all of his life nor do you live in my house or know him...you have NO clue and to tell him he should go to get away from me...well i am not allowed to post on here what i really think of that comment. He is NOT depressed never has been, perhaps one day will be but he isn't now! he is a rebelious teenager that cares about nothing but using others to get what he wants and such....stealing money from us, his friends, having sex with his girlfriend 24/7, getting drunk and high and refusing to work because his girlfriend does it for him????? does that sound like depression or selfishness? sounds like a cushy life to me! i KNOW WHAT DEPRESSION is...he knows what using people is! so until you have walked a mile in this houses shoes don't assume you know anything.

 
Old 11-06-2009, 08:48 AM   #14
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Re: annoyed by "depressed" son

I think you need to have a talk with him and set up some boundries....
he's 18....he needs to either work or go to school....if he's doing neither, you lay down the law and tell him he has to move out.....maybe his girlfriend will support him, but you're not willing to anymore if he's not making any effort to better his situation. If he seriously believes he's depressed, take him to a counsellor.....make him walk the walk.....he can't just sit around and moan that he's depressed and not do anything about it.

 
Old 11-09-2009, 02:13 AM   #15
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Re: annoyed by "depressed" son

Quote:
Originally Posted by Arggg View Post
Hayleysamantha, I am really appalled by your post.

First of all, mono by itself is a terrible illness - it can last for months and months and lead to serious long-term side effects, including chronic fatigue syndrome.

Secondly, you are right - you are NOT a doctor and you can't tell what your son is feeling by looking at him.

Depression doesn't have the same symptoms in everyone, and you don't have a corner on suffering. He probably is truly depressed, and probably inherited it from you.

A depressed person may seem "lazy".

A depressed person can hang out with friends and laugh and joke and seem "happy".

A depressed person can be very annoying, whiny, and self-centered.

A healthy person doesn't need to be nagged to get a job; he has natural energy and drive and wants to get ahead. A depressed person doesn't see any hope or happiness in the future and doesn't see the point in getting a job. It's just a humongous chore, a place where you go every day to act fake and cheerful so they won't fire you. It's exhausting.

It's time for your son to move out - and get away from you. Then maybe he can start to get some medical help.
I agree with this person.

I'm sorry to say this but you don't seem like the type of person who is going to take advice from anyone. It seems to me you have your mind made up and that's it.

I was appalled by your post too. You are not a doctor and you have no clue if your son is depressed or not. Just because you are depressed doesn't give you the right to go around deciding if anyone else is. People don't usually go around saying they are depressed if they aren't. Where would the sense in that be. I'm almost the same age as your son and if I had a mom that didn't take my feelings seriously, I would probably be depressed too. Also, I am depressed and I can tell you right now that I have been depressed and done all of the same things that your son does right now. Wow...well, I don't expect a reply back to this because I don't want to hear what you have to say. Why don't you read hppygr8ful's post? That person knows what they are talking about.

 
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