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Old 04-07-2009, 11:00 AM   #1
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Very concerned parent

Ok so ill get right to the point. My 3 year old (almost 4) thinks its "ok" to touch herself down there. Ill catch her under the blanket touching herself. She'll ask ppl to play "doctor'" with her under the blanket and if we catch her touching herself under the blanket when no1's aroudn she'll say shes playing doctor. Now when she goes to the doctor, he does pull her underwear to the side to check n make sure everything is ok down there so i dunno if thats why she thinks its okay and says its her play doctor or what. Me and my mom are concerned thinking some1 did something bad to her although shes RARELY left alone with any1 besides me and my mom. Now last night i told her to put her pullup on before bed and she took her pants off and said "mommy, can i touch my hiney" and i said "NO! THATS BAD!" and she laughed and did it anyways. Also, she was playing with my digital camera yesterday and was takin pics of herself making funny faces and then i skimmed thru the pics and found a picture that she took and she had her pants pulled down and took a picture of herself down there. I jsut dont know what to think/do anymore. Is this a normal phase to be going thru? Its like, im afraid to ask the doctor. What if he points fingers at me or her father? I need to know if any1 elses child does this. Shes SUCH a smart little girl, but when it comes to this subject and telling her its BAD she just doesnt seem to care or get it. Please help!!!

 
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Old 04-07-2009, 12:15 PM   #2
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Re: Very concerned parent

Why would the doctor point fingers at you or your husband? Do any of you feel any sort of guilt?

I don't think you should make a big deal of this. It will pass. Don't say it is bad for her to touch herself, as long as she is not hurting herself. I am not telling you to encourage her to touch herself, but please don't forbid her to do so, either. Smile whenever she mentions it, but at the same time try delicately to divert her attention to something else.

For example, when she says she wants to play doctor, you may ask her: "Do you want to be a doctor when you are big?" "Do you know that doctors also listen to our beating hearts?" "Can you hear my heart beating? It says 'I love you, I love you'..."

Summing up, try to make fun with her, try to amuse her.

Last edited by pendulum; 04-07-2009 at 12:41 PM.

 
Old 04-07-2009, 12:47 PM   #3
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Re: Very concerned parent

I see alot of friends and friends of friends go through crap with doctors around here. I understand theres alot of sickos out there and u have to be cautious of everyone now a days, but not everyone is a sicko and i feel fingers sometimes get pointed in the wrong direction for the fact there ARE parents out there like that. Thats why i said that. A doctor sees a black and blue on a child and there calling children in youth right away. Like i said, it can be a good thing but also very upsetting to parents out there that would NEVER harm their child.

But yeah, my own friend says her daughter does it too but not as dramatically as mine. Hers will do it in the tub where mine mentions it when shes simply puttin underwear on or just playing. If we can find her and shes hiding by the couch, we usually know shes up to no good. I mean, exploring down there at 2 seems normal but shes going to be 4 and i just figured the exploring would have ended by now.

 
Old 04-07-2009, 03:56 PM   #4
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Re: Very concerned parent

She will keep it up as long as she gets this terrific shock-horror reaction from Mommy. Sorry, but you have made it this great forbidden naughty, plus it is an enjoyable activity for her too. It is part of her body, how can it be bad for her to touch it? Ignore it, Pendulum's advice is good too. Ignore, distract and she will probably stop doing it in front of you. She may do it in bed, etc, but there are probably very few children who don't do this. Sera.

 
Old 04-07-2009, 04:24 PM   #5
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Re: Very concerned parent

ok well thanks to you all. I was basically just making sure its not just my kid who does this. Shes my oldest, i have another who is 18 months who is starting to explore which i know it normal at that age but when my 3 yr old seems to be "enjoying" touchin herself, it just scares me. You would have to meet her to understand why i yell at her for doing it. Shes crazy smart. I know all parents prob. think there kid is really smart for there age but ive had other parents tell me how smart she is. She looks like shes 6. Very tall for her age, talks perfect for only being 3. I dont know, i guess i just think that because she is so smart that she would understand that doing that is not nice. We started out by sayin "no no, dont do that, thats not nice" to her just non stop doin it alot now. Like ive said, me and my mom were just really worried that because she thought it was ok to do this that some1 else was doing it to her that made her think that. Cant help but be worried about everyone now a days. Too many strange things happening to kids anymore. (for example: in my area there was just an 85 year old man arrested for having sex with a 16 yr old in exchange for clothes n shoes...tell me thats not sick and disturbing!!

 
Old 04-09-2009, 02:07 PM   #6
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Re: Very concerned parent

Redirecting is a good thing, also if she seems to understand what you're telling her, then maybe you can start explaining to her that certain things are done "in private," like telling her it is ok to do in her bedroom, by herself. Never say that it is bad. I agree with the other posts, that by reacting the way you do, will only make her do it more, because she knows she will get a rise out of you.

Good luck.

 
Old 04-09-2009, 02:16 PM   #7
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Re: Very concerned parent

I hear you loud and clear. I dont trust anyone either!
I masturbated a ton when I was younger and my parents really shamed me. Definitley made a lasting mark so whatever you do...dont shame her! I know its a hard situation...I havent had to deal with it YET but I know its coming. Good luck!

 
Old 04-10-2009, 08:08 AM   #8
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Re: Very concerned parent

Ok, i just have one honest to God serious question now...is a 3 yr old touching herself really called masturbation? Thats just scarey to say that my 3 yr old is doing that already. And do u's really think shes enjoying it in a sexual way or just doing it because of my reaction? I totally understand the fact of yas all saying for me not to yell at her. That i will def. change and work on and say it a dif. way, but as far as actually telling her its "okay" to do in her bedroom, that i cant do. Shes too little. Ive already seen her trying to stick stuff up there. You know something like that could be carried away by saying were molesting her. So i dont agree with so much tellin her to do it in private. Cuz she already does that under a blanket. But she'll ask family members "Can u touch my hiney" now thats what makes me wonder sum1 already has done that to her. You's see what im saying? Its not just being a 3 yr old exploring. It seems to be so much more drawn out then that. But like i said, i wont shame her for doing it. Ill change the subject, but i cant and wont tell her its ok and go do it in private.

 
Old 04-10-2009, 08:43 AM   #9
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Re: Very concerned parent

I know you are worried about the doctor pointing fingers at you and her father, but if there was something that happened, then it needs to be addressed by a professional, she may be going through things that she dosen't know how to express, and it could hurt HER more if you don't seek out help by either a child psychologist or a pediatrician. A psychologist knows how to talk to children and they are not as judgmental as some doctors can be. Also if God forbid someone did touch her, the psychologist will be able to find out that information, they know how to ask children without hurting them emotionally, the children don't even really know they are at a doctors office, they have them paint pictures, and talk to them on there level. If you feel deep in your heart that this is not right, and you feel that someone may have touched her, then take her and get to the bottom of it! She can't express herself, and maybe this is her way of dealing with it. Then if some1 did something that horrible person can go rot in prison, and your daughter will be able to move on with her life and be a child and not be so consumed with these feelings she dosen't know how to deal with. The docs won't automatically take her away, there will be a lot of investigating, and they will be able to know it isnt you guys just by talking to her, who knows she may come right out and say who did it, maybe even if you ask her, You can ask her gently when she is touching herself "Did someone else touch you there?" or "That is your privates, and noone is supposed to touch that, do you know that or do you want to talk about it?' if she is as smart as you say, she will tell you she trusts you with everything you are her mother, just be as gentle and kind of nonchalant about it when she is doing it ask her about it. Have you ever asked her? maybe why she does it? I was concerned about this once before too, my daughter is 4 too, it was when she was 2 she explored and her private was red alot, and her dad and I are not together so she goes and visits him. I talked to her about it, she said no one touches her, and just to confirm I took her to the doctor, and there was nothing wrong at all, a child psychologist said the same thing, and she just went into the psychologists office painted pics, played, read books, talked to the doc and had a blast! She didnt want to leave, and there was nothing wrong at all, turns out she was just sensitive to her bath bubbles and was naturally exploring. But I felt a lot better knowing, and I was being very paranoid bacuase it was nothing like you say your daughter is doing, if she is trying to stuff things in there, I say it is time to take her to see a professional and get to the bottom of it. Just remeber they are PROFESSIONAL they deal with these things everyday of there lives, they don't just take the child away from the parents, the best place for a child is with there parents unless it is an obvious bad situation. So please please don't be afraid to take her in, it will help her deal with what she may be going through, and it will help you help her, and put your mind at ease so you can just concentrate on being the great mother I am sure you are! Please keep me posted on this, that way I know what is going on with you, and what happened! Good Luck, and don't be afraid they are threre to help you and your family!!

 
Old 04-10-2009, 04:33 PM   #10
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Re: Very concerned parent

Emilysmommie05----That was the best post i read out of all of them (no offense to the others) It was very "realistic" what u said. For the fact u went through it, then you know all my worries and concerns. I will be sure to ask the doctor next time im there if its normal for her to be doin this. Yeah its not like her just exploring and finding new things on her body...she went thru that when she was about as old as my younger daughter (18 months) now its just ridiculous. If it was her just touchin cuz she just discovered it, i would have left it go and never posted anything on here. And obviously im not doing anything to her cuz why would i be on here talkin about it? ya know? I have asked her already if any1 has done anything to her and shes a story teller so she says everyones names in our family. I know they would never...there are even times i ask her and she goes "you" and obviously i didnt do anything. Shes in the fibbing stages now. I dont know. Of course since ive posted this i havent seen her doing it like she was. Ill blow it off for a little longer and see if she keeps it up again and i will keep yous all posted.

 
Old 04-22-2009, 04:59 PM   #11
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Re: Very concerned parent

I agree with Emilysmommie05.........I have a daughter who is now 14 and being a horror.....But at the 3/4 she was a complete "angel"...Same as in being so smart she started 1st grade in gifted classes...I can't say that at such an early age she ever started exploring "down there"....But these were my concerns on your post:
After reading your first post, I would be concerned that she does it under the covers that sounds like she's hiding it and already knows that she shouldn't be doing it...Also, I was concerned "unless theres something you mentioned to him" why is the doctor even pulling her panties to the side to check down there? I can say my pediatrician NEVER did that....But doctors may be different from state to state or town to town...
I will say that I was molested by my brother when I was little...And no-one ever would have guessed until I was 28 and finally told it....So don't ever rule out what she may say or who.....Sometimes the one you least expect is the culprit...
And you are right about people pointing fingers, look at how m any evil people can call social services on an enemy just to get even with them or something...And they believe it and investigate it, just to find out it was a hoax...
Do what you have to in order to protect your child...Even if it is a simple question...Intuition...or gut feeling...
Just my opinion..
Good Luck to You!! =)

 
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