So...this may be more of a vent more than anything, so please forgive me. My daughter recently turned 2 in July. Gosh, she used to be SUCH a good baby. DH and I always swore that she would stay that way too - HA. I guess the child is growing up.
It seems that from the time she wakes until the time she goes to bed, everything is a struggle. She doesn't just cry or fuss anymore either - it's an outright ear piercing scream so loud I'm sure the neighbors are calling social services on us.
For example, Madeline wanted fruit. I give her fruit. She wants her princess fork. I give her the princess fork. She gets upset because she can't get the fruit to stay on the fork. I tell her to use her fingers and gently take the fork and show her how to use her fingers. She gets even more angry because she wants the princess fork. I try to feed her with the princess fork and she screams because "MADELINE DO IT!!!" Oh my good grief...it's all day...what did I sign up for???
So sorry to rant...I love being a mother...but can someone please help me out? It's getting difficult not to lose my cool. ANY ADVICE??? I've tried chooses, distractions, etc.
My middle child and I have gone through that battle numerous times over the past few years, and I have found that the most effective way to handle it is to not react to the screaming at all, and don't give into it either.
If you are trying to show her how to use the fork and she freaks out, take the fork away from the table and tell her when she is calm, you'll come back and show her how to use it properly. And then walk away and don't go back until she calms down.... I wait until she's taking a breath between screams and say, "Oh, are you done? Can we talk now?" And if she's done, we can talk about the problem. If she isn't done, then I leave her again. When she figures out that first, screaming won't give her what she wants, and second, nobody is listening anyway, then the tantrum will be a lot shorter!!!
Occasionally, usually when my daughter is really tired, she will just scream irrationally and not calm down for anything! When she does that, I put her outside on the back porch. I know, it sounds harsh, but again, it's that realizing that nobody is listening to her tantrum that sometimes is what she needs to snap her out of it.
The real key to cooperative children is consistency. No matter how you decide to handle her tantrums, be consistent about it. If you give in even once, then the next time the situation comes up, your daughter will push you and keep on pushing you until you either cave again, or until it becomes completely obvious that you won't cave.
It's tough, and a lot of parents will just give up after half a day, but I promise, promise, promise (!!!), that if you are consistent, and you hang in there (usually for about a week), your daughter will learn to follow what Mommy says.
i remember you from july 07 moms! i was an aug 07 mom and now also have a 6 month old
anna started acting terrible (terrible 2s) at 11 months and it got worse at 13 months. we had terrible days and just recently it's relented. i read every book under the sun , and nothing seemed to work -- and there are some pretty wacky ideas out there.
i started treating her as if she was older and giving her direction like, please hold the grocery list while in the grocery cart and i gave her a crayon or pen (if she was wearing just a play shirt) and i ask her to fold her own laundry and things like that.
and when my son came along i asked her to "show" sami how to do things. and by putting her more in charge it helped her somehow. i say things like " sami look at sister anna" to learn how to walk the stairs or eat with a fork or put away toys (still the biggest struggle we have).
i also ask for her help...anna please help me make the bed...whatever....she really likes this and is more willing to do as i ask rather than as i say...she's very rebellious that way.
I feel your pain, I have been through this with my oldest, she is now 3 and yes it did pass ... the really bad times did anyway, she still can get pretty difficult. It seems like when we were going through it it would never. But I agree with Meluca, the more responsibility you give her the better, at least I have found that to be the case. However, I felt it worked better as my daughter got older, closer to 3. It works great now, she still has her moments and can be really mean to her 1 year old sister but it I let her help me do things like wash dishes, and clean up and take care of her sister, she is a different person, she feels all grown up and responsible and is more reasonable. She is actually very helpful to me these days. Just know that you are alone, I think most all of us parents find ourselves in this situation whether at 1 year old or 3 or whenever but find what works best for your child. Good luck!
I also have a 2 year old (July as well) and he is pretty much the same. There are some things that are just a power struggle, and to be honest, some things just aren't worth my time. For example, he wants to turn the lights off when I leave a room, and sometimes I do it out of habit and if he sees me do it... OMG! You better be ready for world war 3!!! So before he starts getting upset, I'll let him turn the light on then off again. Some things are just not worth the huge fight.
When he wants to do something that we are not going to do, ie. go outside at 9 o'clock at night, then when he starts whining or throwing a fit, I ignore him and start playing with one of his toys or read one of his books, and he usually gives up pretty quickly to see what I'm doing! This is sometimes bribery! haha "You can share an apple with momma, if you take your bath like a good boy!" I know probably not the best, but he hates getting naked... once he's there, he likes it, but the act of taking his clothes off puts him over the edge!!
I know he'll grow out of it eventually... it just seems like that day will never come!
I went through this with my daughter, who is now 6 years old. My son (2 years) is not like this at all (thank goodness I don't have to go through it again). It is most likely a stage and hopefully it will pass soon. When things get rough, I always count my blessings that my son (or daughter) has a mouth to talk and hands to throw things. LOL!