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Old 11-16-2009, 12:49 PM   #1
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When is a female child too old to sleep with Daddy

When is a female child too old to sleep with her divorced Daddy?

 
Old 11-30-2009, 04:06 PM   #2
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Re: When is a female child too old to sleep with Daddy

I don't think there is a magic age for this when it all the sudden becomes wrong. I think if the child were a teenager then it would be a bit odd, but I can't give you an actual number. I slept with my mother for years after my parent's divorced, but I am a female so I am sure this would be considered different.
How old is your grandchild?

 
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Old 12-01-2009, 06:57 AM   #3
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Re: When is a female child too old to sleep with Daddy

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Originally Posted by grammymarie2 View Post
When is a female child too old to sleep with her divorced Daddy?
My granddaughter is going on 8 but is showing signs of being very possessive, demanding and manipulative of her Father. She feels that she has power over him and exerts it constantly. There seems to be no clear boundries which keeps a Father healthy in his role and a child secure and out of the "enmeshment" fog that can keep children stuck forever. My concern is that she is not developing the healthy autonomy that a child of that age needs to grow up with healthy respect for herself and her Father. I have no concerns about sexual abuse but there are many other types of abuse that parents can inflict on their children without realizing it? I have presented my feelings to my son as have other family members and he has "food for thought". I personally feel school age is the time to support your child in slowly pulling away from the overattachment and dependence they have had on their parents since birth and show them that it is safe to be in their beds alone, go to school alone, have their own thoughts and feelings and set clear boundaries for others about their personal space. Thanks for your reply and just in the past week my granddaughter has stated "I am a big girl now and want to sleep in my own bed!" Problem solved and child moving on in her adventure of growing up healthy. Daddy very proud of her and supporting this new found independence.

 
Old 12-02-2009, 11:41 AM   #4
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Re: When is a female child too old to sleep with Daddy

I agree with everything you said, but I think this has less to do with a child just sleeping with her father and more to do with a child who has other problems. Problems of insecurities, possessiveness, etc. Can you encourage your son to have the child talk to her guidance counselor at school? Is the child having any problems at school - making friends, detachment (not wanting to leave the house to go to school). I take it there was a divorce or the mother is not around all of the time? Is there shared custody? Perhaps the child needs to seek therapy for this. This seems like a much bigger issue - and the sleeping in the bed is just a symptom of a larger problem. Good luck.

Last edited by Belly Kelly; 12-02-2009 at 11:42 AM.

 
Old 12-22-2009, 02:00 PM   #5
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Re: When is a female child too old to sleep with Daddy

I think that 12 is more or less the age in which a daughter shouldn't
sleep with her father any more. I'm talking of course, about a
normative father, in which case there's no chance in the world
he'll harm her.

 
Old 12-28-2009, 01:37 PM   #6
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Re: When is a female child too old to sleep with Daddy

There's a lot of controversy around this issue, but personally I think it's better for kids to have their own sleeping space from day one. Our son--now 7 months--has never slept in our bed. That said, I know a lot of people think it's beneficial to do "co-sleeping" during infancy (done safely, of course).

Regardless, I think eight is way too old, no matter what gender. Both daughter and father need their own space, for so many reasons.

 
Old 01-13-2010, 09:22 AM   #7
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Re: When is a female child too old to sleep with Daddy

My daughter co-sleeps with the both of us and she is almost 9. It just depends on the family and the child what is right for them. My daughter doesn't have any problems with being autonomous and confident in every day life. She still has her own room and spends a lot of time in there doing her own thing. She has sleepovers with friends all the time and then she sleeps in her own bed. She simply has never liked sleeping alone from day 1 and it became a real issue with us early on. We tried ferberizing her and it was traumatic for all of us. Since that trauma, I refuse to MAKE her sleep alone. If and when she wants to sleep alone she will. If not, then she can continue sleeping with us for as long as she wants. There is nothing sexual about it.

 
Old 01-22-2010, 12:09 PM   #8
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Re: When is a female child too old to sleep with Daddy

Quote:
Originally Posted by trystme View Post
My daughter co-sleeps with the both of us and she is almost 9. It just depends on the family and the child what is right for them. My daughter doesn't have any problems with being autonomous and confident in every day life. She still has her own room and spends a lot of time in there doing her own thing. She has sleepovers with friends all the time and then she sleeps in her own bed. She simply has never liked sleeping alone from day 1 and it became a real issue with us early on. We tried ferberizing her and it was traumatic for all of us. Since that trauma, I refuse to MAKE her sleep alone. If and when she wants to sleep alone she will. If not, then she can continue sleeping with us for as long as she wants. There is nothing sexual about it.
I have to disagree that it's OK for a 9-year-old to still be sleeping with her parents.

You say she is autonomous and confident in life, yet she lacks the autonomy and confidence to sleep alone.

In the reading I have done on parenting, there's a strong debate as to whether co-sleeping (safely) with an infant is beneficial or not. I've never come across anything that suggests there's benefits to an older child sleeping with his or her parents, and, in fact, it seems to be just the opposite--for child and parents.

 
Old 03-11-2010, 07:52 AM   #9
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Re: When is a female child too old to sleep with Daddy

hi every one I think that the age that is normal it depends I think that twelve is a good age like previous comments but some times if it is your father you need him if you are sick or if you are feeling bad or have a nightmare that is fine but normal is not right for a girl older then that to be doing.

 
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