I am done being a Step Mom
I am just so fed up with the whole situation. I have been around my stepson since he was 2 years old but he would just visit us every other weekend. He lived with his mom. The mother had full custody and would never cooperate with my husband like meeting half way. I have been married for 10 years and his ex-wife left him. Every time we would help my husband's son with school like he wasn't good in english, we would take him over the summer and tutor him. The mother again wanted him home at a certain time and day so it was very difficult to meet her demands so we gave up and returned him. So my husband has no rights even though he pays the child support and health insurance plus he drives 2 hours each way to get him. It came a time that my husband could only pick him up once a month because he traveled so much for his job. The mother complained again that it should be every other week but my husband said sorry I work. So the son was suspended from school when he was 13 years and just getting into alot of trouble. The mother complained and said I don't know what to do with him anymore. So my husband agreed to take him for one year to see if she could straighten him out and get good grades. Well, so far he made honor roll twice. It was a long ride to get there though. I had to have multiple acupuncture treatments for stress because he stressed the heck out of me and caused so many fights between me and my husband. He fought alot with his step brother and step sister. It is just unbearable sometimes to live in my own house. He is a typical teenager but very ungrateful. I have bent over backwards and I am tired now.
What really makes me mad though is my husband has been working so hard to push him to get his grades up and driving him back and forth to his moms but she has enough NERVE to complain that she doesn't see him enough and wants certain times and days again but she won't drive halfway or nothing. Wants front door service. It takes so much time from my family and all she does is complain. The other problem is when he goes to his mom - he talks back and all the bad habits return back to my house. He hangs around with the wrong crowd and his mother lets him. So when we got him back he was ruined again. My husband is just fed up and returning him back home after the school year- sounds selfish but you don't know what we go through with the mother she has been impossible to deal with so you put your hands up and give up because legally she has the upper hand. What gets me is when he lives with his mom and gets into trouble she can't handle it at all and calls my husband - she wanted full custody with all the responsibility and requested to the judge that she only wanted my husband to take him twice a month (4 days total). She wanted all the control and my husband suggested joint custody so he could help out with the responsiblity. My husband came to the rescue but she still demands. All I can do is support him but I have no say.
I am just venting.
Re: I am done being a Step Mom
What a tough situation. The only suggestion that I can make, is to not give up. He is still a child and he needs someone stable in his corner. He needs to know that there IS someone who has expectations that he needs to meet. This is how children know that they are loved, even though they wont realize it until many years later through retrospection. My personal opinion is that parenting is a joint effort and somebody needs to slap the birth mother along side the head and tell her to step up to the plate. Whether or not the child will turn out ok will remain to be seen. But even if he turns toward the worse, having the loving and stable example that you and your husband can provide may be the thing that some day turns him around. My only other suggestion would be to not fight about any of this in front of him and do not talk bad about his mother to him. Make him feel accepted, and like your interested in him and see if you can find what makes him tick. Heck.....bribe the kid if necessary. But make sure that it's conditional. Make it feel like a privalage to be there. Like good things are going to happen if he's good both when with you as well as away. I used to do terribly when I was in junior high. started getting into trouble, started smoking, stopped doing my homework.....etc.... My parents got fed up with it pretty fast and in no time we were all at each others throat. Then the big one came. They told me that if I didn't shape up, they were going to send me to alternative with the "bad" kids. But then they told me that they loved me, and if I improved, they buy me a car for my 16th birthday. A real sporty one. Gee......that was a hard choice for me. Then whether or not I was able to drive the car was dependant on my grades, as well as holding a part time job to insure it. sooooooooo, when I started to let things slip, they took away my car. Back to the drawing board and I brought my grades back up. I'm not saying this particular scenario is the one you should use. But this is just what my parents did, and it worked for me. Good luck and i hope all turns out ok.
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