Re: I am done being a Step Mom
What a tough situation. The only suggestion that I can make, is to not give up. He is still a child and he needs someone stable in his corner. He needs to know that there IS someone who has expectations that he needs to meet. This is how children know that they are loved, even though they wont realize it until many years later through retrospection. My personal opinion is that parenting is a joint effort and somebody needs to slap the birth mother along side the head and tell her to step up to the plate. Whether or not the child will turn out ok will remain to be seen. But even if he turns toward the worse, having the loving and stable example that you and your husband can provide may be the thing that some day turns him around. My only other suggestion would be to not fight about any of this in front of him and do not talk bad about his mother to him. Make him feel accepted, and like your interested in him and see if you can find what makes him tick. Heck.....bribe the kid if necessary. But make sure that it's conditional. Make it feel like a privalage to be there. Like good things are going to happen if he's good both when with you as well as away. I used to do terribly when I was in junior high. started getting into trouble, started smoking, stopped doing my homework.....etc.... My parents got fed up with it pretty fast and in no time we were all at each others throat. Then the big one came. They told me that if I didn't shape up, they were going to send me to alternative with the "bad" kids. But then they told me that they loved me, and if I improved, they buy me a car for my 16th birthday. A real sporty one. Gee......that was a hard choice for me. Then whether or not I was able to drive the car was dependant on my grades, as well as holding a part time job to insure it. sooooooooo, when I started to let things slip, they took away my car. Back to the drawing board and I brought my grades back up. I'm not saying this particular scenario is the one you should use. But this is just what my parents did, and it worked for me. Good luck and i hope all turns out ok.