Greenberry

I was trying to think of a helpful way to answer this post, and being the mother of a 2 year old girl I feel somewhat less than qualified. I know that most boys seem to go through this kind of thing. I really didn't know what to say, but Kadree's post made me think of a few things. Please note that I am not an expert here, but here's what I think.

I agree with giving him space, but first lay down the ground rules.

He must come out of his room for meals with the family, for example. Also, give him a written list of five things to do each week in his room and be VERY specific--1. Bring all dirty clothes to laundry room (or wherever) 2. Pick up ALL "stuff" off the floor at least once a week 3. Make up bed every day, etc. Tell him that if he complies with these things, you will give him some space, but that he is a member of a family, and that certain things are expected of him.

Let him know that there are academic expectations of him, as well. Tell him you don't think he is less smart now than he was in the past few years, and ask him if he knows why his grades have dropped off so suddenly. Also, point out that good grades are the key to getting good job, and a good job is the key to acquiring good stuff (not trying to encourage him to be materialistic, but that is something that a teenager can really understand--wanting to have a hot car and cool gadgets.) Also, the sports go, one by one, if the grades do not improve. Tell him to take his pick of which one goes first if the grades do not come up this term.

One other thing that might seem like not giving him space is trying to have a couple of minutes every day or so, when you visit him in his room or some other private location and chat with him. Even if he's not chatty, at least come in and say hello, and compliment him on something he has done well, if you can find something. Don't overstay your welcome, but doing this at least lets him know that the lines of communication are open. I have a friend with three adult sons, and I get the idea that this is the kind of thing she did with them, and all three of her sons are wonderful people.

I really dread having teenagers, but I guess that they are in my future. I wish you luck, and maybe you can post an update and let us know what works and what doesn't. I am gathering information right now to prepare myself.