question on step kids? - Parenting Issues Message Board

mamaof3 · 10-22-2002, 01:32 PM

Does anyone here have trouble with their step kids? Mine think they do not have to mind me and are REAL rebelious. I have treated them so good but it makes me want to throw my hands up. Any advice?

Marie55 · 10-22-2002, 09:11 PM

Stepchildren probably feel a stepmom is trying to take the place of thier mom or is taking up too much of their dad's time. This is natural. Children go thru a lot of changes due to divorce and having to adjust to different people in their lives.

Try to become their "friend" instead of a "stepmom" and things will most likely flow more smoothly. Mutual respect both ways should be encouraged and a stepmom can set the example and before long they will most likely follow.

If a stepmom tells them to do this or that they will rebel. Asking them to help or assist with something in a voice you would use with a friend will bring more honey to the relationship than yelling.

Once kids think they have you over the barrel the harder it will be to succeed.

Remember, learning to like a person should come first and neither of you will immediately love each other. Gaining their trust and respect will be slow but it will come as long as you have patience, understanding and encouraging plus setting a good example for them.

This does not mean there are no rules, but it does mean the rules are implemented in a pleasant tone of voice and with patience.

Stepchildren will test the waters to see how much they can get away with but so will children of your own. They are children.

Marie

mamaof3 · 10-23-2002, 06:25 AM

we have been married 3 years not counting when we dated. All was fine between me and the children until after we got married. When we got married their mother began to interfer and that is when the problems began. Before all that we all got along so good. My problem is their mother not wanting us to be a happy family. I guess my real problem is not with them. The kids would be fine if she would leave them alone. I just hate that she interfers with us. I have had to really get hard on them due to this because of their behavor so they look at me as being mean. I have to do somehting because they do some pretty bad things.
Thanks.

Marie55 · 10-23-2002, 08:21 PM

That is too bad. The mother is not doing her children a favor at all. They could have 2 happy homes.

What ages are the children?

Instead of you being the "meany", how about their dad setting up rules for them to follow and if they don't then they answer to him. You need their father's support all the way and not be left up to you to be the one to correct their behavior all the time.

Every house should have rules and rules should be obeyed even if gentle reminders are needed.

If you are dealing with teenagers, you have a double whammy because they can be very trying at best when they are your own and still live with their own mom/dad.

The dad should explain to the children that he and their mom were not able to continue together and it is up to them to make a happy life for themselves and others around them by behaving and obeying house rules.

"You" should not be left to be the heavy hand, this causes children to dislike you but still like their dad.

I know, some men will not accept the responsibility of setting rules and seeing to it that they are followed but it is necessary in a case like this.

Hope this is of some help.

Marie