Need more advice for 8-year-old's birthday party! - Parenting Issues Message Board

Cheryl3 · 10-12-2002, 11:07 AM

Thanks to everyone who gave me advice last time. Now I need more (and I hope no one will be hurt if I didn't follow their advice)!

I did put "no gifts please" on the invitation, because I had intended for the "party" (at a putt-putt golf course) to be just sort of a get-together for my son and his friends. (My son hasn't been invited to a "birthday party" in almost 2 years, which is why I sort of thought that 8 was getting too old for a birthday party.) Plus I wanted to save the parents the trouble of having to go out and shop, because I think an 8-year-old boy is kind of hard to buy for.

Anyway, the "no gifts" thing has been a nightmare and I advise everyone to never do this. I have had several parents call me and tell me that they "can't" send their son to a birthday party without a gift. I tried to explain my intentions but they were adamant about bringing a gift. One mother was angry with me, asking me if I had thought about the fact that if some people brought gifts and her son didn't, he would be crushed. Another mom told me her son cried all night because he couldn't take a present to the party.

So, to make a long story short, I know that some will bring presents. How do I handle this so that those who don't bring presents won't feel bad? I thought of bringing a few brown paper sacks and putting the presents in them right away, and then calling my son and each gift-giver over individually during the party to open each gift (out of view of the rest of the kids). Any other advice????

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Cheryl

Greenberry · 10-12-2002, 03:50 PM

Oh spare me the drama, people (not you Cheryl3)! What a bunch of sob stories! If these are the kind of parents raising the next generation, God help us all!

If a mother called me up and got snotty with me about a party for MY child that I was PAYING FOR, I would just have to say "I understand that you feel very strongly about this. My son was looking forward to having your son come to the party, but I totally understand that you have your principles. We'll certainly miss seeing your son there." I know, I would be disastrously and permanently damaging my child by hampering her social life--but I just can't put up with drama from other people.

These parents are teaching their children that their own feelings are more important than honoring the reasonable request of a person who is extending them an invitation of hospitality. Besides, I don't really believe that a normal 8 year old boy cried all night because he was politely asked not to bring a present to a party.

Just handle any presents you do get either by opening them immediately or by doing it off to one side as you suggest. Either way, get them done and out of sight, to avoid TRAUMATIZING the children who actually honored your request. But wait, if you do that, won't you be traumatizing the children who did bring gifts by not making a big enough deal about them? You just can't please everyone, so I would just try to please the ones who are reasonable human beings.

Good luck to you! Some people are such idiots today!

lovelyme · 10-23-2002, 02:48 PM

AMEN SISTER!!!

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Marie

mlgable · 10-24-2002, 12:25 AM

Jeepers what part of NO PRESENTS didn't these parents understand????? When someone requests no presents be it for a birthday party or an anniversary party there is usually a reason. If they still felt they wanted to bring a gift then they should bring it directly to the house before the party or at some other time. I can only hope you son isn't too close of friends with some of these kids cause it sounds like there parents are real winners and I doubt this will be you last run in with them.