HORMONES still raging! !@#!@ - Parenting Issues Message Board

*SoccerMom* · 11-14-2002, 09:16 PM

HI,
I have posted before pleading for help with my preteen son. He just turned 12 and,man, are the hormones raging! He doesn't sulk around like he did before but he still has trouble with his attitude. He almost continually says "what", "huh", "uh, huh", "yeah" and the rest of those things that make me crazy.
The acne is in full force, the "manly"/hormonal smell has me continously buying soaps and deodorants to try to find one to rid our house, clothes and cars of that odor, the attitude is on a major pendulum,hair is coming in and the "sniggly giggly" girls that call all hours of the night is driving me bonkers.
I must report that he has returned to his old self....seems he is more open to conversation and laughs (with that squeeky, high pitched voice). I was so worried about that. Grades are ok, we lived through football--great season!, and he is doing well with band. You guys were right on about the stage he was going through.......Thanks!

I just would welcome any advice on how to handle telling him that he is too young to have a girlfriend. I don't mind him telling me that he is "going out" with girls at school......How bad can that be? They don't have the same classes or lunch. Recently, I have been getting calls from MOTHERS inviting my son to "go out" with their daughters to the movies, skating and etc. He just turned 12! I may be naive but I think that is a little much. I cannot imagine myself calling another parent for that. I feel like he is too young for that. If he bumps into the girls while we are at those places, it is one thing. He usually barely even talks to them anyway so it seems that it is not something he is truly ready for. (ALTHOUGH, he loves all that attention!!!)

HELP>!> I don't want him to think that I am being too tough on him and think that I am so "uncool"...........

lovelyme · 11-22-2002, 01:38 PM

When trying to get him to ditch the girlfriend idea then play along. What I mean is say okay I will drive you guys to the mall and take you shopping and to the movies with you. Tag along or tell him you are going to. He will FREAK!! He will turn down that right away. Tell him if he thinks he is ready for agirlfriend then you want her over for dinner and then you atke her aside and ask her why she thinks she is ready to date your son! Sounds embarassing and horrific to child, but it may show him he is being irrational. Keep him bust too with stuff he likes so to have him at least, temporarily, forget girls, but know that it is going to happen by 15 at least. My mom said I could have one at 16 and that the only dates we could go on were with friends. I am going on 24 and I am still with him and have 2 children.

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Marie

*SoccerMom* · 11-22-2002, 09:14 PM

Thanks for the reply. I had thought about telling him that he wasn't able to have a girlfriend until he is 15 or so. I just thought that it is "harmless" as long as it is just a girlfriend at school. The thing is that they don't really DO anything. He may sit with her at lunch and walk her to class but other than that, he doesn't talk to her away from school unless she calls.(only a few times because he wouldn't really talk to her on the phone) I just sort of felt that her mom was "rushing" things a little much. I don't want to come across as unreasonable to him though....I am always concerned about keeping that communication open. I just don't know what to tell him ---and what to say when the girls (and her family) seem to be the ones rushing things.

casandra1969 · 11-23-2002, 09:37 AM

Hi There,

I have a 14 yr old son. He goes to the mall and hang's with the guy's and basically, I too have the "Hormaomal problem". My son is a late bloomer in all aspect's of girl's and dating. I think that if the mother was calling you to ask your son to accompany her daughter on an outing, chaperoned or slightly chaperoned ie: dropping and picking them up from a movie...that's great! I'm sure that the girl's mother doesn't want her " dating" at a young age either. If both parent's are involved with ommunication, the kid's will see this and most likely adherre to the rules. I certainly would be talking with the mother of ANY girl that my son was interested in to keep the verbal comminication open. I talk very frankly with my son about relationship's and at 12, I think that it's mostly puppy love. Try to talk to your son openly about sex and relationship's and make him feel supported. If you've raised him with a good value system and check in frequently...I think you'll be pleasantly surprized!
take care

Matt M · 11-25-2002, 02:42 AM

hi! umm... you may not exactly appreciate getting advice from a 15 year old, but i'm gonna give my opinion okay?!

basically, i started 'going out' with this girl when i was 12. really young i know, but i was convinced it was 'special'. my mom was fine with this, i guess because she knew this other girls mom and they got along. plus, one of the girl's brothers (they were quadruplets (sp?)) was my best friend.

anyway, basically, if i could live it over, i wouldn't have gotten involved with her in the first place. one thing led to another and i ended up doing stuff with her... i didn't even know what an orgasm was until i had one one night when we were fooling around.

i don't mean to be alarmist, and i don't mean to suggest he's gonna do this, but to be honest i think he has to learn from his own mistakes. my parents never knew how far i went with her (but i will say we stopped short of intercourse) but they did know that when we broke up it was pretty bad. the thing is, this 'relationship' which i thought was gonna last ended because i wasn't friends with her brother anymore. i ended up realising it wasn't worth committing yourself to a relationship at such a young age. i'd like to say i learnt from that but it took a few more relationships turned sour...

i guess my parents trusted my judgement, and i've learnt from that. even though it was a mistake i know i'm a better (and now more cautious) person alround. right now i'm REALLY busy in school. i keep myself busy with activities and going out with my friends and even though i sometimes feel the need for a girlfriend i know i'm not ready in my heart... and this time not because i'm too immature but because i don't feel i can handle being in a relationship. i'm at an age where people are sleeping with people and there's all this hype over 'having done stuff', but i've got other issues which i need to sort out first. i think thanks to my parents trusting me i've grown up pretty quickly - which isn't a bad thing.

geez, sorry about the essay! that's like my life story when it comes to girlfriends... but i hope that's provided you with some insight!

matt.