Single mom of teenage boy - Parenting Issues Message Board

DSW67 · 12-03-2002, 08:45 AM

I was just wondering if there are any single mom that can give me some helpful hints on giving my son "the talk". I grew up with 3 sisters, no brothers, and I have 2 sons. My oldest just turn 13. I haven't had "the talk" yet, I don't even know how to bring it up. Any who have walked in my shoes, please help me out.

Thanks.

Deb

Chelle1977 · 12-03-2002, 10:40 AM

Hrm .. well .. I'm not exactly in your position .. I don't even have kids and I'm a girl, but ..

Is there a man that you could ask to help you with this? I can see where it might be uncomfortable to talk this through. Maybe a clergyman or teacher? What about a sports coach?

And there had to have been a man around at one point .. can't his Father help out at all?

DSW67 · 12-03-2002, 11:18 AM

His dad is not in the picture. Long story, and we are better off that way. His grandpa is active in his life, since he had all daughters maybe it is only fair that now he should have to do it. But still I think I should talk to him somehow.

Deb

ffsmith · 12-03-2002, 11:34 AM

I can not be much help.

But I find the question interesting because no one ever had “the talk” with me.
There was a good program that taught that stuff in school. With movies etc…
And I guess picked up some things from my peers in school.

I would say this is a good place to start… With what they already know… or go over what they learn in school and add to this or modify it with your perspective.

This has been a topic on this board before, maybe it was for girls, but things like books on the topic are a good idea in my opinion. “Manuals” on how to be a man or woman. Its funny to think about… but those kind of things interest me still today just to see what I missed / compare and get a different /“proper” perspective. And I am well past puberty.

Someone mentioned that it is not one big talk but and ongoing process… a bunch or conversations… I like this idea to.

And what is the definition of “the talk”? Is it just about sex? Puberty? The changes in ones body? And how babies are made? If this is it then most kids can probably pick this stuff up on their own without a formal talk…. Especially if it is taught in school.

I wish some one would have talked to me about self-esteem, my feelings about girls, my feelings about sex and the added responsibilities that come with puberty. About relationships, love, marriage. Dealing with people, and the opposite sex. About feeling alone, ugly, outcast, awkward?
Even if your sons are the most popular, most hansom, most athletic ever born they might sometimes feel these things or interact with others that feel this way.

Having a doctor or a father figure to go to with any question also helps and they should know that they can always come to you for answers or help finding the answers.

I know that is not much help, but it’s my 2 cents.

DSW67 · 12-03-2002, 01:47 PM

ffsmith--I do appreciate your 2 cents. I like looking at issues from many different angles. I have been talking to my sons about self esteem issues since they were old enough to go to school. Kids can be mean at times, so trying to help them deal with that, basically don't worry about what the other kids say, do what you think is right, stuff like that, and it is sinking in, they are growing up to be well adjusted responsible kids. I guess what I mean with "the talk" would be body changing things. I think I can handle the sex talk, I must admit I will be uncomfortable at first. Mainly, because I know it will make him uncomfortable. I'm sure he is learning alot from his peers about his changing body, especially since he is growing alot slower than the other boys. Puberty confuses the heck out of me. I was never given the talk about that, I learn about it at school. I was glad when it was over, I'm not sure I am ready for my son to go through it. I'm sure I will have less hair when it is all over. Thanks for encouraging words.

Deb