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Old 12-03-2002, 08:45 AM   #1
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Post Single mom of teenage boy

I was just wondering if there are any single mom that can give me some helpful hints on giving my son "the talk". I grew up with 3 sisters, no brothers, and I have 2 sons. My oldest just turn 13. I haven't had "the talk" yet, I don't even know how to bring it up. Any who have walked in my shoes, please help me out.

Thanks.

Deb

 
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Old 12-03-2002, 10:40 AM   #2
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Hrm .. well .. I'm not exactly in your position .. I don't even have kids and I'm a girl, but ..

Is there a man that you could ask to help you with this? I can see where it might be uncomfortable to talk this through. Maybe a clergyman or teacher? What about a sports coach?

And there had to have been a man around at one point .. can't his Father help out at all?
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Old 12-03-2002, 11:18 AM   #3
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His dad is not in the picture. Long story, and we are better off that way. His grandpa is active in his life, since he had all daughters maybe it is only fair that now he should have to do it. But still I think I should talk to him somehow.

Deb

 
Old 12-03-2002, 11:34 AM   #4
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I can not be much help.

But I find the question interesting because no one ever had “the talk” with me.
There was a good program that taught that stuff in school. With movies etc…
And I guess picked up some things from my peers in school.

I would say this is a good place to start… With what they already know… or go over what they learn in school and add to this or modify it with your perspective.

This has been a topic on this board before, maybe it was for girls, but things like books on the topic are a good idea in my opinion. “Manuals” on how to be a man or woman. Its funny to think about… but those kind of things interest me still today just to see what I missed / compare and get a different /“proper” perspective. And I am well past puberty.

Someone mentioned that it is not one big talk but and ongoing process… a bunch or conversations… I like this idea to.

And what is the definition of “the talk”? Is it just about sex? Puberty? The changes in ones body? And how babies are made? If this is it then most kids can probably pick this stuff up on their own without a formal talk…. Especially if it is taught in school.

I wish some one would have talked to me about self-esteem, my feelings about girls, my feelings about sex and the added responsibilities that come with puberty. About relationships, love, marriage. Dealing with people, and the opposite sex. About feeling alone, ugly, outcast, awkward?
Even if your sons are the most popular, most hansom, most athletic ever born they might sometimes feel these things or interact with others that feel this way.

Having a doctor or a father figure to go to with any question also helps and they should know that they can always come to you for answers or help finding the answers.

I know that is not much help, but it’s my 2 cents.

 
Old 12-03-2002, 01:47 PM   #5
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ffsmith--I do appreciate your 2 cents. I like looking at issues from many different angles. I have been talking to my sons about self esteem issues since they were old enough to go to school. Kids can be mean at times, so trying to help them deal with that, basically don't worry about what the other kids say, do what you think is right, stuff like that, and it is sinking in, they are growing up to be well adjusted responsible kids. I guess what I mean with "the talk" would be body changing things. I think I can handle the sex talk, I must admit I will be uncomfortable at first. Mainly, because I know it will make him uncomfortable. I'm sure he is learning alot from his peers about his changing body, especially since he is growing alot slower than the other boys. Puberty confuses the heck out of me. I was never given the talk about that, I learn about it at school. I was glad when it was over, I'm not sure I am ready for my son to go through it. I'm sure I will have less hair when it is all over. Thanks for encouraging words.

Deb

 
Old 12-03-2002, 07:32 PM   #6
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Talking to your children can be such a difficult thing. I struggle with the fact of "how much is too much, and what does he need to know". I have always had the approach of telling my 12 year old son a little at a time for his whole life. A wonderful point was brought up about the whole emotional aspect too---sometimes we neglect to realize all that is going on there too! My son and I have always been close and it was hard to deal with him not really "opening" up with me for the last year or so. He listens but doesn't share much anymore. I still talk but try to treat him a little more as a teenager and value his input. When he does talk, I try to realize that it must really be important no matter how minor it seems (girls, grades, friends or etc) He is embarrassed about the physical changes --though, he likes the new muscles coming in! He is super paranoid about me seeing his HAIR but I still try to talk about it. His dad said that no one ever talked to him about it and thinks it will all work out. I am a little pushy about it though. I want him to know the facts from me and not from his friends. He did come to be with some concern about his "stiffy" (sorry!!!! didn't know another word besides erection!) so I feel that at least he must feel a little open with me. I learned all I know from friends at school---man, were they wrong! I just have always wanted to have open communication with my kids. Best of Luck!

 
Old 12-04-2002, 01:31 PM   #7
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I hope to have an open communication line with my son. What I mean by that, is him knowing he can come and talk to me about anything. It hard, because I don't get to see him during the week, he lives with my parents that live about an hour away. The reason he lives with them is because of the school. He comes up to see me every weekend, and whenever there is not school. The tough thing is, my parents did not do a very good job of talking to me when it came to talking about sex, changing bodies and that kind of stuff. I think I have a better time of getting him to communicate with me, rather than my mom, I am alot more open minded (not just with sex but with most subjects). Thanks for all of your replies.

Deb

 
Old 12-09-2002, 04:54 PM   #8
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Hey Deb
I'm a father of 2 boys my oldest son is 10, but he's closer to my wife, mama's boy...but anyway this thing is to get someone to talk to him, the worse thing you can do is not have someone talk to him, now this brings me the the part where you also need to make sure you know well who is doing the talking to him also, you said that his grandfather is active in his life, well there you go then, I take it this is your dad right, then have him talk to him, like I said before you cant let him go without someone talking to him about this stuff, its very important, I work with youth in my church and you will be very suprise at the amount of teens that I have to talk to cause their parents dont do it at home...dont waste anymore time and inform him...the right way.
Steve

 
Old 12-09-2002, 07:01 PM   #9
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Thanks Steve, I will do that. It's not going to be easy to talk to my dad to talk to him. My dad are far from being close. This is going to be too weird, there are times like this that I really wish I was married. Oh well, we will just have to play the cards life has dealt us.

Deb

 
Old 12-11-2002, 06:45 AM   #10
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Thanks Steve! I appreciate the support! So far he hasn't brought up anything that we haven't been able to talk about. I know I shouldn't wait for him to bring it up, but part of me doesn't think he is ready to talk about it. We have a hard time talking about somethings, if we are talking about something and what he wants to say is something he doesn't think I want to hear, he just won't say anything. That is something that really is rather hard for me to handle. I am a talker, and I would much rather get things out in the open than hold them in, I don't know how to get him to open up and talk to me. When he finally does talk he is fine, he realizes he's not in trouble and I'm not mad. It just gets really frustrating.

Deb

 
Old 12-11-2002, 03:16 PM   #11
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Hey Deb
I am also a talker, they say that men have problems expressing themself and talking about their feelings, well not this man, I sure do not have that problem, I saw what not having any comminication did to my parent's marriage, and I made sure that, that would not happend to me, so I know how it is alot of time we are faced with subjects that we just are not ready to talk about or deal with, but you need to put yourself aside and think about your son here, no matter how hard it is for ya, you need to get him to talk, dont pressure him either,cause he'll come around as they say and talk to ya, thats you're chance there and take it! You main concern should be that he talk to you and not anybody else who might be giving him the wrong advise also, and another thing, you want to also show him the importance in being able to express himself, this will help him always and in everything, in school, work, relationships etc. Talk to ya soon.
Steve

 
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