6 yr old with bad language problem - Parenting Issues Message Board

foofighter · 12-15-2002, 04:37 PM

my daughter is 6 yrs old and has a bad habit of cursing i mean the F word too. ive tried everything to stop and she gets all mad and says she dont want to live here anymore. yes i know she has learned this cursing from me and my husband but she curses more than us! how can i stop this now with out beating her because shes not listening to punishments and threats to "call the home" and have her taken away. so far though i am lucky she does not curse in school the teacher says she is a perfect angel and keep up the good work at home lol little does she know this "angel" is a beast at home. i dont know what to do with my good/evil child

Marie55 · 12-15-2002, 06:31 PM

Please do not be offended but the first thing is to stop cursing yourself and husband too. Children are great imitators and will pick up our bad habits. It is not right to punish a child for doing the same thing you do. Set a good example for her. Rules are great but when a parent does not abide by the same rule how could you expect a child to abide by the rule.

Do your best to explain to her cursing is not nice and explain why it is not.

Beating her into submission is not the answer but setting a good example for her in this matter and others will be very rewarding.

Your daughter needs unconditional love along with teaching her what is right and wrong and why. For your daughter's sake please make changes in your life so she does not pick up negative things from you.

Your daughter does not understand why it is o.k. for you and her dad to curse and not o.k. for her to do so. She is being sent mixed signals on how to behave. Threatening to have her removed from your home makes her feel very much unloved. This is not a wise thing to do. She needs all the love possible, real love, from her parents. She did not ask to be brought into the world, so please make life a positive one for her, they are little for such a short time.

It is not too late to make changes and turn things around lovingly.

Marie

[This message has been edited by Marie55 (edited 12-15-2002).]

*SoccerMom* · 12-16-2002, 11:02 PM

Hi foofighter,
I agree with the points that Marie made. It is amazing that children seem to have this sonar that tells them what exactly we do not want them to repeat....and they will do it in front of the people that you don't want them to! I agree with avoiding foul language in front of your children. It broke my hubby's heart to hear our then 2 yr old repeat a curse word that she had heard him say. I think it is sending the wrong message to your children to say/imply "do what i say and not what i do". The remarks that you made to her about sending her to the "home" and spanking her for "repeating" the foul language is a bit extreme, I think. I don't want to offend you but my niece is in a similar situation as your daughter. My brother has put his foot down with her (she's 9) and she doesn't curse anymore.......in front of HIM! She does to other kids though.
It will be hard but I think you and your husband should really try to work on this. You could even talk to your daughter and tell her that you were wrong for saying those words too. We have a quarter jar in our house that whoever says an ugly word (stupid, shutup, dummy, etc) has to pay up. That may work in your home too.
Best of Luck to you all!

DSW67 · 12-17-2002, 07:05 AM

When my boys were little, we both tried to control our mouths. On occasion, a curse word would slip out. We made our boys understand that there were certain word that were adult words, and they wer not allowed to say them. We could control what was being said in our own home, but in other places we had no control. They understood that they might hear the words, but it wrong to repeat them.

mushroom1 · 12-20-2002, 03:08 PM

In our house there is no such thing as a "bad" word.
I occasionally swear out of anger and I more often swear out of excitement, but I tell my children that some words are for adults only and the reason is simple, children have a hard time remembering not to say them at school etc. I tell them that they can decide what words they want to use when they grow up.

My teenagers swear a little, but not much. My 21 year old almost never does, pretty much to retell a scene from a movie etc.

My brother told me once that his 4 year old started saying to him "You f___ing *****!" when she was angry...it didn't take a genius to figure out that he was speaking to his wife that way...

My children never swear at me, but I don't swear at them, either. I think intent is key.

Once, when we were listening to a Monty Python cd, my youngest began to sing along "Life's a piece of sh*t, when you look at it..." and the whole family burst out laughing, so that was his new trick for the week, of course. Finally, he learned that to keep getting laughs, he would have to come up with new material.