moma's boy Please Read! - Parenting Issues Message Board

debralou23 · 10-28-2002, 09:55 AM

I am a mother of one child, a son which is 2 1/2 years old. I have been a stay at home with him since he was born. I recently got a job in which I work the 3-11 shift. Things were going fine, my dad would watch him until my husband would get home from work (about an hour my dad would watch him)until I decided to get a different job that payed 2 dollars an hour more. That is when things got bad. At this new job I had to be there at 10am until 6:30pm which meant my son had to go to daycare. My nephew attends the same daycare which my son and nephew are more like brothers than cousins so I believed he would be okay. I expected him to cry and the first day was okay I had to sneak off from him when he wasn't looking (which now I relised I messed up alot)when I got to work I called to check on him they said he cryed for about 5 mins and then took off playing wow what a relief. The next morning was a nightmare it took me 30mins to get him dressed and when it was time to get in his car seat he wouldn't get in it. He arched his back and screamed the more I tryed geting him buckled in the more he resisted and the harder he cried.I worked at this for a good 20 mins. till I called my dad thinking that Cole wouldn't have a problem going with his papa OH was I wrong. Again he wouldn't let me buckel him in his seat he cryed and reached for me, after trying this too for 10 mins I gave up I had 20minutes to get to work (which is a 30min drive). On my second day of work I had to call in. On the 3rd day of work I began at 6:30am by getting him dressed, I had the idea if maybe he rode up to daycare with his cousin he'd be more willing to go, WRONG he wouldn't even get in my brother's truck with his cousin (me and my brother live just down the yard from each other)so again I was in a battle. Once again my dad tryed staying at my house with him but everytime I got out of Cole's site he'd start to cry. I finally decided to have dad take me to work in which Cole got to ride with us. We arrived at my work and when I went to get out of the truck he began to pucker and cry I just walked away, something I swore I would never do to my child. My heart was breaking into I just felt like dying. My fear is that my child will feel the way I felt as a child (I was the same age as him when my parents split up)I would cry and scream everytime I had to go with my mother. Though the situation at hand with my son is different than what I went through I am sure he feels that same feeling of abandedment that I felt. Needless to say I quit that job and luckly went back to my old job (3pm-11pm)really even though I was making 2 dollars more at the one job I wasn't. The stress that I went through the stress that Cole went through and the fact the daycare would have costed 75 dollars a week I was not coming out any farther ahead money wise. This past weekend I didn't have to work but Cole had to be everywhere I was if I went to the bathroom he'd have to come with me,if I walked out of the room without him noticing he would begin to cry and yell for me. I really believe I made him insucure. I am scared that when tommorrow comes and I have to be at work at 3pm he won't want to go with my dad as he so happily did before this other job. So many people has said to me and I have heard it also on T.V. that children adjust to anything, I believe children adjust because they are forced to adjust. Many parents would have just put there child in that car seat drove to the daycare and dropped them off screaming and crying and just left them there. Not me I don't have the strenght to hurt my child in that way. My husband on the other hand could have, not because he doesn't love our son but he just doesn't have the tight bond like Cole and I have. Many people that I have told this to has said I made a big mistake by letting my child be the boss of what I do. I am not stupid I know that he relizes that if he cry's and throws a fit he'll get what he wants but only in this situation he did. Over all he is a good child he listens to me without me yelling and spanking him. If anyone else has been through this with there child or just wants to make a comment whether it's good or bad please make a comment.
Thanks for reading this,
Debralou23

mushroom1 · 10-28-2002, 10:21 AM

You say that you changed jobs to earn an extra $2 an hour, but didn't you know ahead of time that you would have to put your son in day care and would not be any better off financially?

I don't think that your son is being bad. I think that he is telling you that he needs his mommy. If I were you, I'd listen.

I worked at a day care center when I was 20 and they tell parents a lot of things that aren't completely true. I saw a lot of insensitivity toward children (not in front of their parents, of course.)

Sounds like your son was okay with your first job. After he feels better, maybe you could do that again?
But, I would make sure that he is okay with it. Your son is still a baby. He is not being bad.

Greenberry · 10-28-2002, 10:34 AM

I think you did the right thing! I am rather partisan on this issue, and will not mince words here: I despise day care. Your son had your love and attention for 2 1/2 years (a good thing) and then suddenly that was ripped out from under him and he was thrown into a situation with considerably less of what he needs for reasons that he doesn't understand. All he knows is that his mommy wasn't there to take care of him for most of the day anymore. Does that mean he is spoiled? I don't think a child should be considered "spoiled" because he misses his mother, especially not at 2 1/2! And just because a child is eventually able to adjust to/accept a situation doesn't mean it is necessarily a good situation. The situation with the 3-11 job where your father watches your son sounds like a winner (and a money-saver)! If I had to go back to work, that is the kind of deal I would try to work out. Nobody takes as good care of your son as you and your family (i.e. the people who know and LOVE him best), and don't let anybody tell you otherwise!

debralou23 · 10-28-2002, 11:27 AM

Thank you so much for your support. There is so many people that is against me in this matter, they say he will adjust to what is going on but in my heart I know he won't by choice but by force. Tomorrow I will be starting back up at the Nursing Home (the first job I was at 3pm-11pm)and I hope he will stay with his grandpa again like before. Once again thanks so much for your support.
Debralou23

debralou23 · 10-28-2002, 11:41 AM

Mushroom1,

My husband and I relized after the fact that we were not getting any farther ahead, if anything we were doing more harm than good. I know what you mean about daycare's I myself was not fond of the idea of sending him to a daycare. My husband on the other hand thought he needed that interaction with other kids. All I imaged that first day when I dropped him off at daycare was that he was crying for me all day and the workers of the daycare was lying to me about him playing and having a good time. I know all the people that work at the daycare (I live in a very small town) so I trusted in them to be honest with me. My child is my life and somepeople just don't understand that. Anyways thanks for the reply.
Debralou23