Beth Ann

Thanks to all of you for responding. To Marie: I know exactly what you mean about kids in the same families having totally different personalities. I have 3 sisters and 1 brother, and we are COMPLETELY different. Some people cannot believe that we're all from the same mom and dad! Some of my sisters have step-children, and my brother has a step-daughter, but they all have their own children also. All of them (except one sister-she's not a friendly person in any way) treat the children as their own. And the rest of my family treats them as children-not as steps. I try very hard to be a loving person to my two. I was blessed in the fact that they are very understanding and intelligent children. They seem to admire me, and sometimes it seems that they respect me more than their Dad!
To mlgable: I have read many of your posts, some that you have responded to me. I think you are an intelligent lady, especially in health-related issues. I have never seen you vent, though. I think you needed to. It helps to get stuff off your chest, doesn't it? I am sorry for all that you have been through. How old is your husband's dauughter now? Surely she will have a change of heart someday. She has to think about her dad and wonder about him, right? I'm glad that your father-in-law got rid of "Barb". Has he remarried since?

To missmoody: Yes, we definitely need to talk some more! I need the support, too. Do you have your step-daughter all the time, or just part-time? We get ours every other weekend, and sometimes during the week. My husband is a good father and wants to do as much as he can for his kids. I am thankful for that. He is a better person for being that way. I would not want to be married to a deadbeat dad, because I couldn't respect him. I was a kid once too, ya know? Anyway....my first Valentine's Day with my hubby-we had his kids. I tried to make the best of it. We girls made a heart-shaped cake for their dad and had a candlelight dinner-all of us. We've had his girls for every holiday, and both of our birthdays every year. We try to have "our time" on our "non-kid weekend". Sometimes I get resentful when there is something I want to do without the kids, such as a co-worker's party (that happens to fall on a kid-weekend). Then I feel guilty for being so selfish. I have given up so, so much, but I try to tell myself that I KNEW he had children when we got involved. Sometimes, I don't think I thought exactly how much was going to be involved. Both of his girls play softball in the Spring, and basketball in the fall. We try to go to all of their games, and I have to deal with his ex and her family. They all hate me, and make me feel like I don't belong at all. I did not cause the break-up in his marriage. His ex left him for his best friend. When he got on with his life, and found me, she got jealous and tried to get him back. And they had been divorced for almost 2 years! She tried to use that old line "The kids need us to be together. We need to be a family.". It almost destroyed us, and now everyone blames me for their not getting back together. Do you ever have problems from the ex? I would love to hear your story. Why do you not want children of your own? I, myself, just never had that maternal feeling (except to all the cats I've had). I had a hard time growing up, and I guess I just never wanted any child of mine to go through all that. I don't really think my own mother ever wanted kids. I know my oldest sister was an accident, and I guess she just made the best of it from then on. My grandmother never liked kids, except when they grew up and became adults! I love all my neices and nephews, but sometimes I feel guilty because I do not feel the same "love" for my husband's children. Let me give an example here. When my nephew does good in school or in a ballgame, I have a feeling of pride inside-maybe because I feel he is a part of me. When my husband's daughters do good, I am proud of them, but I don't feel the same as I do for my nephew. Does that make sense? I never let them know it, though. I try really hard to be a good friend and authority figure. Not really a mom, because I don't want to take her place. She's not a good mom to them, and neglects them sometimes. Sometimes she gets jealous of their relationship with me, and tries to be a better mom. I guess that's a good thing, though, right? I could go on-and-on about so much. I wish we could exchange e-mail addresses, but I know we're not allowed to. At least we can help each other through these boards. I've got so much that I need to talk about, and no one to talk to. I'm looking forward to hearing from you again. Oh, by the way, I've only been married for a year and a half now, too. I almost didn't marry my hubby just because of his kids, but I knew he was what I had been looking for all of my life. He's my best friend. He knows it's hard on me sometimes, but sometimes I don't let him know exactly how hard it is. Sorry this is so long. Hope to hear from you soon!