Two of them sleeping w/me HELP!! - Parenting Issues Message Board

10-14-2002, 01:28 PM

Please give me some advise! My oldest is 7, my youngest 3...and they both sleep with me, their dad gets really mad about it so I end up on the livingroom floor with lots of blankets and pillows for a bed. I have done this with my kids for 7 years, I've spanked (don't like to) I've let them fall asleep in the bed with me and then mooved them to theirs, I feel like I have tried everything. I let them cry in their room hoping they would just fall asleep, but my daughter cried so long she got a bloody nose, how does that happen, so I don't make them cry any more. What do you think? Desperate!

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~Tamrock~

Greenberry · 10-14-2002, 02:33 PM

At that age, I really don't know what to advise. I guess I would let them cry and keep crying, and if they get a bloody nose, go clean them up and put them back in their room. They are used to wearing you down, and at their ages, it will take a WHOLE LOT of firmness to break them of their behavior. I wish I could help you more, but I have no really good advice.

mlgable · 10-19-2002, 11:34 AM

You need to tell them that they need to sleep in their own beds at night now and put them there. If they crawl into your bed during the night take them back to their own beds and get them settled in. EVERY time the come into your bed you need to return them to their own bed. After while they will get the message that their bed is meant for sleeping in and yours in meant for you to sleep in. If they don't feel well try sleeping on their floor beside their bed instead of letting them into your bed. They do not need to be spanked or punished for coming into your bed as they didn't do anything wrong but they do need to be taken to their own bed so that they get the idea of who's bed is whose.

Marie55 · 10-22-2002, 09:04 AM

Allowing children to sleep in bed with you for that many years created a deep bonding with mom, therefore, the children are "clinging" to their mom. It will take patience, love and understanding of this before they will adapt to their new sleeping arrangements.

This is not an issue for allowing them to cry their eyes out or to spank. This is a traumatic disruption to their life and need all the love and patience possible.

Make their room very attractive, include them in maybe painting the walls or "fixin" the room up pretty. My daughter painted the walls with a sponge using 2 colors (light blue & white) to create a sky/cloud look (no it is not perfect but their little hands helped make the room special for them). The little girls (2 & 4, had always slept with mom/dad) helped and this made it "their" room, something they helped to create. The twin beds were pushed together and this made room for mommy to lie down with them for story time or talk time. A time with mom, prayer time, etc. before going to sleep.

If the children come to your bed during the night, return them to their bed and lie down with them for a while until they drift off to sleep. Over time they will adapt. They will adapt without feeling they have been tossed out on their ears. They will know mommy is still there for them.

You cannot allow children to sleep with you for 7 years then yank the rug right out from under them without them feeling like their mom has abandonded them.

Yes, it is understandable that dad does not like this arrangement. However, during thunderstorms or when children become frightened, it is fine to allow them in bed with you to calm them (even pets jump in bed with owners at these times), make them feel safe, then as soon as it is over go back to their room by themselves or you go with them, spend time with them until they are settled and then return to your own bed.

Love, patience, gentle encouragement is the key to success with children of this age.

The way you handle things now will determine a lot the type relationship you will have with adult children later on. They have a memory better than an elephant!!

Marie (mom of 5 adult children)

mushroom1 · 10-28-2002, 11:22 AM

It sounds like you have been very inconsistent! I agree with Marie...please don't spank them anymore. Be gentle and realize YOU have created this situation.

You could do so many things to fix this...but this is what I would do (If I didn't want to sleep with them, BUT I love to sleep with my children)

I would announce "In three days, you are going to start sleeping in your own beds every night. We are going to have bath time, story time songs and then tuck -in time. I will leave a lamp on and you will each have a cup of water." (Maybe buy a new special cup?)

Then, I would do all of this and get a chair and sit right outside of their room (where they can not see you, but know you are there) until they are asleep. If they wake up and cry, I would put them back to bed and hug them, again staying in the hall until they are asleep.

I think after a few weeks of consistency, they will accept the new routine. Good - luck.