Etiquette when son is invited for an outing by a friend's mother - Parenting Issues Message Board

Cheryl3 · 02-12-2003, 06:32 PM

Hi,
I have a question that I have been wondering about for some time. When my 8-year-old son is invited to outings (i.e., movies, museum, swimming, whatever), should I send money along with him? Or should I just give money to the parent when they come to pick him up? Or should I assume that they are going to pay for it since they invited him? When we invite his friends to go places with us, I always pay for it myself but I don't know how other parents feel about this.

I don't like to put my son in the awkward position of pulling out a wad of bills and offering to pay his own way, because he is rather shy and can't really count money that well anyway! I think it is especially awkward because we are "better-off" financially than a lot of his friends' parents, so I don't want to offend them by offering to pay, but I also don't want them thinking, "Well, she could certainly afford to pay her son's way!" The other problem is that I'm not really sure how much some of these things cost, and sometimes the parent is not even specific about where they will be going, so I don't even know how much it is going to cost.

How do others deal with this situation?

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Cheryl

KatieCat · 02-12-2003, 07:31 PM

I always send money when my daughter is invited on an outing. She's almost 11 so I send the money with her; when she was younger I gave it directly to the friend's parent. No one has ever turned down the money, and most seem pleased that I'm willing to pay my daughter's way. As a single parent, I appreciate parents offering to pay their own kid's way when it's my turn to take them somewhere.

However, I see nothing wrong with reciprocating - as long as it evens out in the end.

msrivers · 02-12-2003, 07:32 PM

Maybe when you discuss the outing with the other parents ask in a casual manner, " so how much is it to get into the Zoo anyway?" They'll say "Oh, about $7.00 per kid, but don't worry about it" or they'll say "Oh about $7.00 per kid and if he wants snacks maybe a little more." That way it gives both of you a chance to investigate the $ issue.

mushroom1 · 02-18-2003, 10:48 PM

I usually just reciprocate by taking their child out within the next couple of weeks. Sometimes I will offer to pay their way, though.

We have had some children at our house weekend after weekend, without their parents offering anything, but those parents have normally been low income, so it really didn't bother me.

Cheryl3 · 02-19-2003, 07:23 AM

Thanks, everybody -- those are all great ideas! My husband came up with another one....he told me that as my son was getting his coat on and getting ready to go, pull out a $10 bill and give it to him. I ended up trying this and his friend's mom said, "Oh, don't worry about it, it's my treat!" So it ended up working out OK after all, without anyone being too embarrassed. But I might try one of the other strategies next time. Thanks again!

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Cheryl